The day was winding down, and given all of the hilarity that had already ensued, it was a good thing. Oscar and Tina came to round up the girls, getting them ready for the finale of the fair.

Damn, I was hoping that we would run out of timeI dont want to get into that stupid costume!
Oh come on Al, its for the kidsand besides, were all doing it.
Alright, alrightwhere the ***** did my pig costume go?

Alice and the girls reluctantly went off to change into their costumes for the final event of the day. One by one, they went into the restroom, and one by one they came out looking like a farm animal.

Alice came out in a pink, stuffed pig suit, complete with a pink snout and ears to match. Dana was dressed in a costume much like Tinas except she had webbed feet and a bill, making her look like Daisy Duck (Donald Ducks woman) on a bad feather day, and Shane was in a goats costume, complete with horns and a beard.

The last to go in and change was Bette, since Alice, Dana and Shane were already in costume, and helping Tina to reload eggs into her suit. Bette wasnt even completely out of the door yet when Alice started in on her,

Hey Porter! MOO! Hahahaha
Shut up Al!
Hahahahahayou even got udders! Come here and let me milk yah!

Alice began running around after Bette, trying to grab a hold of the udders that were on the front of Bettes costume. As they were running Tina reached out and grabbed the curly pigtail on Alices *****, causing her to lose balance and fall. The gang erupted in laughter, but none as loud as Bette.

Hahahaha! Soouuuuweeeee! Here piggy piggy.

Alices had done a face plant into the grass, and instead of lifting her self up to look at Bette, instead slowly raised her hand, and then her middle finger at Bette. This caused more laughter to erupt out of the girls. They were all making fun of each others costumes and laughing their asses off in the process. With so much laughter in the air, no one noticed Alice sneaking around, trying to position herself to attack Bette, and Bettes udders. When no one was looking, Alice pounced like a cat and dove for the teats that hung from the udders.

Time to milk ole Bessie here! Hahahahaha!

Alice began tugging at the teats, mimicking the motions that a farmer would use to get the milk from the cow. When she tugged, Bette squeezed a small pump that was hidden in her hoof, sending a stream of water right into Alices eye.

WHAT THE.

She pulled another teat, and got another stream of liquid shot in her face, this time right up her nose. Alice kept pulling, and Bette kept pumping and soon Alices pig ears and snout were drenched. Both women fell on the floor laughing, tears streaming down their faces as they pointed at each other, cracking up at just the sight of the other in costume.

Hey Porter, howd you make your costume do that? And why?
Well I asked Tina and Shane to help me rig it, and I did it because I have an ***** friend like you that I knew just couldnt resist pulling on these damn things.
***** friend huh?
Well have you seen anyone else do that? And besides, ***** or not, I still love yah!

The girls were finally all ready, and were doing their best not to laugh at each other, because they knew that once they started, it would take forever for the laughing to subside. They were all going over what their parts in the finally was, and going over last minute details when they heard a loud beeping sound,

BEEP BEEP BEEP

Come on girls, time to round yah all up!

It was Oscar in a rented Cushman that had been decked out in cardboard cutouts so that it looked like a tractor. Oscar was dressed up like a farmer, complete with straw hat, overalls and a flannel shirt. He picked up a piece of hay from the seat besides him and moseyed on toward the girls.

Hey there! I see that everyone is ready to go.
Yup! I thought we were meeting behind the stage at the field area, what are you doing here?
Well I came to pick you all up. Make a grand entrance of sorts.
Pick us up in what?
Ill show you

Oscar ran back to the Cushman and pulled forward a bit more, exposing the trailer that had been hitched up behind it. It seems their ride was going to be in a trailer that came complete with hay-covered floors.

Oh ***** no!
What the fu
*****!
Uh uh! No way!
***** yeah! Yee haw!
Well seems at least one person likes this idea.
Sorry Oscar, you just took us by surprised. I dont think my friends were prepared to be towed around like real livestock, it was hard enough trying to get them to dress up for this thing. And the one person thats excited, well thats Alice, and shes a bit
A bit what?
Nothing Ms. Piggy.Now why dont you round up the rest of the animals so that we can get this show on the road.
Oink, Oink

After gathering up the reluctant farm animals and locking them safely in the trailer, Oscar started up the Cushman, and drove over to the stage. The children had all been gathered up and were seated in front of the stage area, patiently waiting for the last show of the day to start. They all turned their heads when the heard the honking of the Cushmans horn and began laughing at the large, funny looking animals that were being pulled behind it. The girls were making their respective animal noises, much to the delight and amusement of the kids who were laughing loudly and pointing and them.

They all smiled and waved at the kids, making animal noises as they exited the trailer. Oscar ran up on stage ahead of the women and took the microphone.

Okay kids, before we end our little farm fair lets all sing a song. You guys know the song Old McDonald?
YEAH!
Okay, well how about you all join me in singing old McDonaldwatch for the animals now

Oscar looked over toward where Tina and the girls were waiting to go on stage. He gave them a thumbs up sign before reaching for a guitar that was hidden behind a bale of hay that was being used as a stage prop. He began strumming the guitar
Okay kidsready?
YEAH!
All right. Here we go! OLD MCDONALD HAD A FARM E…IEIOAND ON HIS FARM HE HAD A..

Alice slipped behind Shane and shoved her onstage, causing Shane to stumble, going down to all fours trying to regain her balance.

GOAT! EIEIOWITH A

Oh what the ***** thought Shane as she stayed down on all fours and danced around as the kids kept on singing,

BAA BAA HERE AND A BAA BAA THERE. HERE A BAA, THERE A BAA EVERYWHERE A BAA BAA. OLD MCDONALD HAD A FARM EI.EIO.

Bette readied herself to go on stage next. Dont make an ***** of yourself she thought to herself as the kids kept singing along with Farmer Oscar,

AND ON HIS FARM HE HAD A.

Hot in the cow suit, Bette pulled her hand into the suit and began to scratch her belly. As she scratched, she unknowingly pulled one of the hoses away from the teat and it sprung a leak.

COW!

Oh *****, thats me! she said to herself as she made her way across the stage. She danced around a bit jiggling her cowbell in front of the kids as they continued to sing,

EIEIO! WITH A MOO MOO HERE,

Bette was now wiggling her butt, and jerking her head forward at each MOO, really getting into this little ditty.

AND A MOO MOO THERE. HERE A MOO, THERE A MOO, EVERYWHERE A MOO MOO. OLD MCDONALD HAD A FARM, EIEI..O.

Once across the stage, Bette stood next to Shane and joined in on the singing, now there was a sight, a goat and a cow clapping hooves, swaying to the strumming of the guitar as they waited for their fellow animals to mosey across the stage.

AND ON HIS FARM HE HAD A

Alice steadied herself, playing out the piggy dance that she was going to do.

PIG!

Here we go! Show em what yah got Al and with that self-motivational thought, Alice was off and struttin across that stage.

EIEIO! WITH A OINK OINK HERE AND A OINK OINK THERE.

Now it was Alices turn to wiggle her butt, making her curly, pink pig tail bounce up and down as she lifted her hands and raised the hoof, oinking at the top of her lungs. Alice looked like some kind of disco pig and she was jumping and dancing so much that her ears fell off and her snout had some how lifted its way on to her forehead, but still Alice danced on.

HERE AND OINK, THERE AN OINK, EVERYWHERE AN OINK OINK. OLD MCDONALD HAD A FARM, EIEIO!

Alice now joined the goat and the cow, happily dancing, clapping and singing along. They looked across the stage and all said a silent prayer that Dana would make it across okay.

AND ON HIS FARM HE HAD A DUCK! EIEIO

Fuckthats me! Dana hurried across the stage, a bit later than expected since she was so into the song, that she forgot she was the duck. Taking center stage, Dana broke into a duck dance (well Dana’s idea of what a duck would dance like was more of a cross between a turkey and a chicken dance)for the kids, and tripped over her webbed feet and landed on her butt. Her friends were trying not to laugh as they motioned for her to get back up and continue. Obliging them Dana stood up and did her best to continue, the flush in her cheeks evident against the white feathers that made her costume.

WITH A QUACK QUACK HERE AND A QUACK QUACK THERE. HERE A QUACK, THERE A QUACK, EVERYWHERE A QUACK QUACK. OLD MCDONALD HAD A FARM EIEIO!

Embarrassed, Dana shuffled off toward the side of the stage, only to slip in some of the water that had leaked from Bettes udders, causing her to slide, rather duck dive, onto the floor and crashing right into the rest of the farm animals. The crowd tried to continue on as the girls were roaring with laughter, trying to untangle themselves, making weird animal sounds to try and stay with the songs theme.

AND ON HIS FARM HE HAD A CHICKEN! EIEIO!

Tina was clutching her stomach in laughter as she made her way onto the stage.

WITH A CLUCK CLUCK HERE, AND A CLUCK CLUCK THERE. HERE A CLUCK, THERE A CLUCK, EVERYWHERE A CLUCK CLUCK.

Tina was laughing so hard in the middle of the stage that instead of doing the chicken dance that she had in mind, she fell to the floor cracking up, causing the newly loaded eggs to spew out from between her legs and roll all over (and off) the stage. Tina was having another chicken seizure, as Oscar wrapped up the song. He signaled over to the other girls to come back to the middle of the stage for the finale of the song.

OLD MCDONALD HAD A FARM, EIEIO!

The girls were now a huddle mass of laughing farm animals, trying to help the laughing chicken to her feet. They were still laughing as Tina finally stood up, the animals and Farmer Oscar all linked hands to take a bow. They stood back up all smiling and laughing at their hilarious little song and dance, as Tinas eyes widened,

CLUCK!

And she dropped one final egg out from between her legs, causing everyone to burst into laughter again.

They waved at the children as they went on their way, hoping that they all had fun at the farm fair. Each of the five friends smiled on the inside at the laughter and fun that they had today, not at the farm fair, but at the “family” FUNNY FARM!


THE END