Part 1: Sound of Silence

Sometimes you just want to stop the earth from turning and then disappear into nothingness to never return again, but when you cant make that happen, you can do the next best thing; find a bed and bury yourself deep under the covers.

And thats what she had chosen to do; burying herself so deep that she hadnt been up for days – the walls her only companions, the ceiling her only friend. She didnt eat, didnt drink much, she ignored the phone and everything else from the outside world, lying there staring at the faithful ceiling waiting for numbness to absorb her.

So this is how it feels when everything is gone.

Did she feel sorry for herself? No, she was not even able to do that anymore. All she felt was an empty tiredness that weakened her spirit, immobilized the bones and muscles, and clenched every hope of a future with the one she loved out of her heart.

If I stay here, continue to make a home in the silence, let everything and everybody forget about me, if I can be as quiet as the silence itself, then maybe the pain will disappear, maybe it wont find me again and I can finally sleep.

But that insane ringing kept her awake, made huge unreparable holes in her carefully thought up plan to merge with the silence.

Come on, Bette, pick up the damn phone! I know youre there! Please, Bette, or Ill kick your shapely ***** from here to the end of the world!

Alice, I will miss you. You are a wonderful friend; please take care of Tina for me.

A believed long lost sense of humour emerged, hidden far too long in the darkness and an eyebrow arched towards the ceiling: *****, I sound like a damn soap-suicide note! And suicide for not an option; the only thing she wanted, no needed, was a little bit of peace, to rest in the silence – and get some sleep. Then everything will be fine, at least as fine as everything can be when all is lost.

*****************************************

Shes there, Tina, I just know it. Alice let out a loud frustrated sigh.

Tina shrugged. Maybe she doesnt want to be disturbed. She bit her lower lip. Maybe shes not alone.

Alice rolled her eyes and mumbled. And maybe Helena is a poor substitute for what you really want.

What?

Nothing T, just venting my frustration, thats all. Alice said a quiet thanks for Tina not catching what she had said. I should probably break down the door or something. Im really worried, Tina. Maybe shes having the flu and is too feverish to reach the phone?

Have you checked at work? Tina asked.

Alice stared at her. You dont know? I thought you knew

Knew what? Finally Tina sounded worried.

Your gi Helena fired Bette over a week ago.

What?! Tina practically fell over from the shock. She WHAT?!

She took the two of the most important things in Bettes life away from her, Shane said.

Dana nodded in agreement.

Alice closed her eyes. This was sooo not like Shane to make comments like that.

“What the ***** is that supposed to mean?” Tina snapped, not yet willing to acknowledge the truth of the statement. Helena wouldnt fire Bette, would she?

You know, first she took you and then

Dane! Alice warned. She wanted to scream at her two friends: Please dont make a bad situation any worser.

Dana blushed. Sorry.

We havent been very good friends to Bette these last months, Shane continued unaffected. Maybe its time to face up to the fact that shes hurting too and stop treating her like a barely tolerated outcast.

Tina flinched. Shane gently took her hand. We love you, Tina, but we love Bette, too.

Dana nodded, this time not daring to air her agreement.

Alice watched the range of emotions roll over Tinas face. She was probably aware that she had been on the receiving end of all the support and caring her friends could offer and there had been close to no leftovers for Bette to hold on to. And the part of Tina that still cared for her former lover was ashamed of the fact. Even if she was reluctant to admit it, she knew Bette was hurting too.

I still have my key, Tina whispered.


***Hello darkness, my old friend,
Ive come to talk with you again,
Because a vision softly creeping,
Left its seeds while I was sleeping,
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence. ***

tbc – if you want
danedotdk@hotmail.com