At MsKhaos
Mrs. Honor arrived at precisely 12:30 and it made Tina smile. Shed always been a stickler for good time management and Mrs. Honor certainly had the knack for that. Tina stood as Mrs. Honor was brought to the table and hugged her tightly when she arrived.

Its so good to see you again, Tina smiled, and sat back down.

Always a pleasure to see you Tina, Mrs. Honor removed her jacket and sat down too. Hows Oscar, the Center, and that heavenly little Juan-Pedro? Mrs. Honor asked in one breath.

Everything and everyone at the Center are fine, but I actually called you for a personal reason, Tina sipped her tea.

Mrs. Honor patted Tinas hand in a very motherly manner, making her lose any nervousness she might have had. Its okay dear, take your time. I think I know what this is about, she said tenderly.

They ordered before getting into Tinas need to talk and waited for the waitress to walk away before talking.

Well, Ill cut straight to the chase and spare you some of the unnecessary details, Tina stated. My wife and I are currently separated and while I know that I still love her, I know I dont like her. Shes hurt me badly and that created a trust issue too, Tina paused to check for a reaction. Mrs. Honor said nothing, but nodded in response to Tinas revelations. My heart says go back and work things out, but my head is saying not to because of how many times weve gone the rounds trying to make things work for both of us. A lot of good things are happening for me right now and Im afraid that if I go back home, Ill allow myself to regress. Does that make sense? Tina frowned.

Mrs. Honor sipped her coffee and paused to consider the appropriate response. Well, the love part is expected. One doesnt just stop loving someone over night. Now, the like part is a little easier to let go of. The things your wife did, were they intentionally done to hurt you or were they a part of her character?

A little of both maybe, Tina replied with a shrug.

Hmm? Okay, lets move on for a moment. So, you say theres a trust issue. If it safe to assume she cheated on you or did something equally compromising? Tina nodded. Then I understand your resistance in allowing yourself to go back 100% into the marriage. Has she been willing to work with you on the trust issue?

Actually, weve had limited contact in the past month or so since this happened. I found out some additional things going on after shed allegedly stop seeing her lover, which caused more distance, Tina volunteered freely, now feeling a little more confident. She and I did meet and talk, but that ended badly, so Im still keeping my distance and have continued to stay with a friend. I do miss her though sometimes and Im reminded of her in some of my daily activities, Tinas tone was melancholy. My sister in law says Bette, thats my wife, misses me too, but Bette hasnt told me herself. Mrs. Honor, I just really dont know what to do. I want to at least like her again because she share some of the best friends a person can have and I dont want there to be tension if and when were around each other, Tina reached for Mrs. Honors hand to feel that compassion again.

By the time the food came, Tina had lost her appetite and picked at her food while Mrs. Honor ate half and boxed the rest of hers. She was eager to help Tina through what seemed to be a very tumultuous time.

Oh, honey dont fret so much, Mrs. Honor tried to comfort Tina. Im sure its not easy on either of you and one of you is going to have to concede and make a move. You cant stay in check mode hoping the other will move first. You both need to say exactly whats on your minds without interruption and without compromise, Tina looked at her as if to say, are you kidding me? Bette would never go for that. Im serious Tina. Its a part of conflict resolution. Ive been doing it for years.

But Im not sure shed want to hear me placing blame or pointing a finger at her, Tina fretted.

But its not your place to worry about that my dear. Its obvious that this bothers you and you have to meet it head on to get on with your life with or without her, Mrs. Honor painfully pointed out. She might not like it, but she has to respect it just as youd have to when she does it to you, Mrs. Honor reached for Tinas other hand and held them both tightly. Tina, my son has dealt with a similar situation and I gave him the same advise Im giving you. You and Bette have to talk and hash it all out. Its the only way either of you will see what youve lost in yourselves, in each other, and in the relationship. Once that is achieved, youll know if you want to be together or apart.

Tina sighed and her shoulders drooped. For a moment, she thought about the guidance shed gotten from Alice, the inspiration from the books shed been reading, and now from Mrs. Honor. In every reference, Tina learned that she has to be true to herself, be happy with herself, and full of herself in order to want and receive the same from someone else. She could no longer blame Bette for seeing her as a doormat if she made herself one to keep peace; and she couldnt keep making excuses for both of their behavior if she ignored the patterns. At last Tina was seeing how and why she stopped liking it Bette. It was partly because she stopped liking herself for allowing things to happen or escalate.

That makes sense, Tina smiled in agreement and for her own assessment of her situation. I do feel a little better now, but I have a question. Im a caring person by nature. How do I care for someone and not sacrifice myself in the process. Bettes a little on the passive-aggressive side, Tina said with worry in her voice.

Tina, you have to be true to you always, in all ways. Its okay to be there for someone or to help someone, but you mustnt keep doing it when the other person, whomever it is, is capable of doing things for themselves. You can only go out of your way but so far before its gets cumbersome and your bough breaks. Saying no, or can you help, or even do it yourself, isnt a bad thing. Whats bad is saying nothing and fussing later for doing it, Mrs. Honor said firmly. Youre a good person Tina. I saw that in you from the first moment I met you. Assert yourself at home as you do at the Center. Fight for the things you want and believe in at home at you do at the Center. Have faith and seek counsel when you need to. Asking for help makes you stronger, not weaker. Tina smiled and nodded, like an obedient child. One last thing, and its a Biblical quote, Let us not love with words or tongue, but with actions and truth. Im not sure if youve heard it before, but let it be your mantra for your relationships be they platonic or intimate.

Tina thought about the quote and it sounded familiar to her, but she couldnt place it. It didnt matter though, because hearing it now made all the difference. Mrs. Honors guidance made Tina feel better, stronger, and wiser.

Mrs. Honor, thank you so much for being here and listening. Youve helped me more than you could ever know, Tina eased out the booth and stood with her arms out to hug Mrs. Honor. They embraced long and hard, with Tina whispering her eternal gratitude. May I keep in touch with you, just to say hi sometimes and not just because I need to talk?

Of course. Id like that very much, Mrs. Honor smiled.

Tina paid for their lunch and they left the restaurant going their separate ways.

At the CAC
Bette used her nervous energy to secure a new piece from an artist who was on the verge of bankruptcy. James had taken the information of his call to the CAC while Bette was in disposed with her father and then with Kit. James knew that Bette might be interested in the piece to go with a collection of Expressive pieces that Bette was trying to secure for a new show. The artist was a virtual recluse, who hadnt painted anything of substance in years. The piece was of a young man kneeling before a young woman with a globe on his back and his heart on the outside of his chest.

Bette hung the picture on the wall and stared at it for almost an hour reading it over and over again. She connected with it and could feel the pain and emotion it evoked. She read the painting as if the man was saying he loved the woman with all that his heart and was reaching out to her, but the weight of the world was bringing him down. Bette felt as if she were the man on her knees with the weight of the world on her back, but she hardly wore her heart of her sleeve.

Maybe I should, Bette out loud to herself.

Maybe you should what? A voice inquired.

Bette froze where she stood, moving only enough to pinch herself to see if she was awake or dreaming. The voice was like the melody to her favorite tune and she turned slowly as if afraid shed lose her balance.

Hello Bette, Tina said, with a nervous smile.

H, hi Tee. I mean Tina, Bette stuttered and corrected herself for the familiarity.

Surprised to see me I assume?

Yes. Very. To what do I owe the honor? Bette tried to contain herself. She felt like crying and laughing at the same time. Her heart was pounding in her chest and her stomach filled with a whirlwind of butterflies. Did you get my email and thats why youre here?

Tina gave Bette a confused look. Email? What email? Tina inquired.

Bette made an oops face. Uhm, I sent you an email earlier.

The light went on in Tinas mind. Oh, I get it now. No, I havent read any emails. I noticed I had mail waiting, but I thought it was internal and didnt open it, Tina admitted. Was it important? Tina cautiously inquired thinking it could have been bad news.

Well, yes it was, Tina made a face. No, but not in a bad way. It was something I shared with you. My thoughts to be exact, Bette motioned for Tina to sit and she sat at her desk chair. The closeness of Tina was making her weak and she didnt want to do anything out of line.

Tina clutched her purse to hide her shaking hands. Seeing Bette was more intense than shed anticipated. She looked good even with the slight dark circles and obvious weight loss, not that she could stand to lose any weight. Tina smiled shyly not knowing how to act in Bettes presence. Bette blushed and returned a nervous smile.

So, Bette broke the ice, if you didnt get my email, what brought you here?

Tina fidgeted. Uhm, I thought it was time to try and talk. You know, to get things in the open, Tinas voice got suddenly low.

Can I get you something? Water? Coffee? Bette changed the subject for a second so she could gain some composure. She hadnt expected Tina to be so forth right.

No, I just had lunch. I dont really have much time, cause I need to go back to the Center, but I wanted to make an attempt to talk to you, Tina said pointedly, setting the stage for limited discussion.

Oh, okay. So, I suppose you want to know what I said in the email?

Yes, but maybe I should wait until I get back, Bette nodded thankfully. You know what? Tina said rhetorically, I have to go. This is more intense than I thought it would be and I dont want to mess up this afternoon. Im sorry, but can we try this maybe later? Tina got up and headed to the door, much to Bettes disappointment.

Yeah, sure, Bette replied sadly. I understand. Thanks for coming by though. You look great, Bette complimented.

Tina waved and left the office, and Bette in her wake.