Chapter 20

Put the phone down.

What?

You heard me Bianca…

Kendall…

Youve got to give her some space – its only been fifteen minutes.

But…

Nothing. Shell call you when shes done.

I want to be there with her… Bianca answered as she looked at the phone.

I know you do, Kendall replied as she gave her sister a hug.

Have I thanked you for coming out here yet? she asked as she returned the hug.

Only a million times.

Pulling back, she smiled. What do you think of the place?

Its very nice – but I wouldnt expect anything less. So, when are your friends coming over?

Bianca looked at her watch, In about an hour and a half.

How did you meet them again? Kendall asked as she led her sister to the sofa and sat down.

We met Bette and Tina at a couples session that the doctor Lenas therapist Melissa had recommended… Bianca began.

Kendall had heard the story before and had only asked as a way to distract Bianca from calling Lena again.

As Bianca explained once again, she smiled inwardly, appreciating the gesture. She knew what Kendall was attempting and it made her happy once again that they had gotten closer.

* * *

I dont understand what kind of game youre playing…

Its not a game.

Youre messing with my head…

Would you like to find another therapist?

No! No. I dont want to find another therapist.

Then I suggest you sit down Lena.

What?

Sit down.

Im sorry, she replied. She wasnt aware that she had stood up after Melissa had asked the last question.

Dont be. Its okay to get angry from time to time, its how you deal with your anger, thats the important thing, Melissa explained. Lena…

Yes.

Are you in love with Bianca?

Yes.

I didnt expect any other answer to that question and the one I asked before.

What are you saying?

Lena, we have talked about a lot of things – the one recurring thread through all of this has been Bianca. How much you love her – how your life has changed since youve met her. We both know that not all of the changes have been positive, but on the whole, I would say they have been, Melissa leaned back in her chair and thought about what she was going to say next. During our sessions Ive had the opportunity to learn about you and from what youve told me about Marina so far, I know this has had to have been very hard for you. I admire your strength – your determination to get passed this. Now, before I drift to far, lets get back to Marina.

Lena walked outside – her steps filled with determination, she watched as Bette stood up.

Hows Bianca?

Shes fine – thank you for asking.

Tina told you?

Yes. Bianca has decided not to press charges, she said staring at Marina as she said this. As a matter of fact, she would like to speak with you inside – rather you and Tina.

Im not sure thats a great idea…

I promise, she said as she turned away from Marina, Nothing is going to happen. Lena thought she could almost see Bette breathing a sigh of relief at her words.

You know where Ill be if you need anything, Bette said before walking inside the house, leaving the three women to themselves.

Lena waited until Bette was gone before she turned and said, I dont believe weve been introduced.

This is Jenny, Marina said as she stood up.

How do you do. Im…

Lena.

I see Marina has told you about me, she asked somewhat surprised.

A little bit. She was telling me about you before we came out…

And grabbed Bianca, Lena said pointedly, her voice cold.

Jenny…

Lena watched as the young woman turned in Marinas direction.

Im not leaving. Ive done that too many times already. Im not doing it again.

She must care for you… Lena told Marina.

I would like to think so, she replied.

Oh fine! If you two are going to talk in what… Polish? Ill leave, Jenny huffed.

Jenny, please.

Im sorry, that was rude of us, Lena said not in the least apologetic.

Jenny stood up, leaned forward, whispered something in Marinas ear and kissed her soundly before leaving.

You have your hands full with that one, Lena said.

Sometimes, Marina acknowledged. Lena… Im so sorry for my behavior, for what I did. I dont know what came over me I swear it.

Im sure Bianca would be pleased to hear that. Lena took a seat – staring into the swimming pool. We have much to talk about.

Yes we do.

Turning her head to the right, she looked at Marina. Do you have any idea how long Ive hated you? she said quietly.

No longer than Ive hated myself for what I did to you. To us.

Lena frowned. What are you talking about?

Marina shook her head. I must have been very convincing that day in the park.

What do you mean convincing?

I had to talk myself into telling you what I did, Marina began to explain.

Well you did a ***** of a job, Lena fired back. I loved you and you… you ripped out my heart.

What do you think I did? I was frightened Lena. Believe me, I didnt want to – I had to.

You had to? You had to? Do you know how ridiculous that sounds? All you had to do was love me in return, thats all you had to do and you couldnt do it! Lena fought the urge to get up and pace. Do you have any idea what meeting you again has done, not only to me but to Bianca as well?

I can only guess.

No you cant, she said shaking her head. I have jeopardized my entire relationship with her because of you.

Marina frowned. I dont understand, we havent seen each other since yesterday…

Thats where youre wrong, Lena told her as she stood up unable to sit any longer. This morning… I cant believe its only been since this morning, she said more to herself than to Marina. I… I went to the Planet. I… I saw you with Jenny. Obviously I didnt know her name at the time…

You saw me? Us?

Yes. And God help me I became jealous, Lena heard Marina gasp.

Does Bianca know?

I told her. I dont keep secrets from her, which is why Im in ***** over this now. I told her I was not only feeling the hate all over again – but that I was feeling something else.

The attraction – the pull? I felt it too.

Im not going to act on it… I cant.

Dont you mean you wont?

Lena looked at Marina, her eyes locking on Marinas. You have no right, none…

You talk to me about rights?! Marina yelled as she stood up.

Yes.

How about my rights?

What are you talking about? You have none. It was you who broke up with me. You were the one who made me doubt myself – my feelings. I closed myself off to everyone – everything after we broke up!

I kept comparing everyone with you. How your smile was better than theirs ever could be. How I could never kiss anyone else without tasting, remembering your lips – the mind numbing passion you induced. I was ruined, by my own making.

I am in love with Bianca. She is my life – the baby, Miranda… she is everything to me and no matter what I feel…

Are you that sure? Marina asked softly as she walked over to Lena.

Yes.

Nothing I can say or do will change your mind? To give me a chance to undo everything Ive done to us?

Nothing.

So if I do this?

I couldnt move. If was as if I were paralyzed. The closer she came to me, the more I was stuck in place. I couldnt make my arms, my legs respond…

Lena… lets take a break. I can see this is difficult for you to talk about, Melissa offered.

No, she shook her head. If I dont Ill never finish.

Alright. What happened next?

Lena looked down, noticing she had shredded the paper napkin she had been holding on to.

Marina walked up to me… Lena closed her eyes. She… she reached out and caressed my face, I could feel myself lean into it, she said, tears slowly making their way down her cheeks. I felt her breath on my lips… and then… then… she kissed me, she opened her eyes and stared at Melissa. And I let her do it.