At Maries
Tina asked the hostess that she and Bette be seated in a quiet area hoping to avoid distractions. Once seated, they ordered drinks and appetizers, and tried their best to shield their respective nervousness. Tina knew her appetite would wane and thought it best not to order a meal until she knew for sure shed eat it. Bette was hungry, but ordered a light meal in case she was unable to eat it. Once theyd gotten the formalities out of the way, it was time to talk. Each looked at the other, trepid and unsure of themselves. It was amazing how after so many years together, they suddenly didnt know each other anymore.

So, hows work at the Center? Bette asked to break the dense silence.

Its going well, Tina replied. I think we landed a new playground for the kids, she smiled.

Great news! Bette said with enthusiasm. Im sure that makes you feel good. I know how much you love doing things for the kids, Bette added in praise.

Yes. Yes, I do, Tina said, with a smile. It was a tough one though, but it was worth every bit of my time, Tina felt good talking about her work. Something shed forgotten how to do with Bette seeing as it was always Bettes work they talked about. Theres something else Im proud of too, Tina went on. I was solicited by Chestnut, Maxwell, & Elba, Tina stalled.

The CM&E? Bette stressed and Tina nodded with a sly grin. And? Well? Bette coaxed.

I accepted and I start Monday, Tina beamed. Ill be the Assistant Manager to the Department Manager, whos under the Development Executive, which is like the third in charge position, she said proudly.

Oh, Tina, Im so happy for you, Bette reached for Tinas hand, but pulled back. CM&E is one of the premier Land Development Firms in the state, Bette concluded. Wow!

Tina blushed at Bettes reaction. She wasnt used to being the center of attention and the feeling was almost alien to her.

Alice is working on helping me get a car so I dont have to rely on her or a cab to get me around, Tina spoke confidently, demonstrating her assertiveness. Bette cringed a little, but said nothing. I feel like everything is in alignment, she continued.

Bette felt a little of her joy diminish as Tina spoke of her accomplishments and future plans, none of which currently involved her. While she was genuinely pleased for Tina and proud of her confidence, she couldnt help but wonder if they were going to get around to talking about their relationship.

Im sorry, Ive been babbling on about myself, Tina stopped to sip her drink, whats been going on with you?

Bette leaned back into her seat and let out a sigh. She really didnt know where to begin. There were so many things she wanted to say, but now all the words eluded her.

Uhm, well, Ive been working as usual, although I did take off, actually, played hooky the other day, Bette smirked.

You played hooky? Tina questioned in disbelief. What brought that on?

James and I hung out one night and we got pretty drunk, Bette giggled and Tina looked at her wide-eyed. Yeah, its true. I couldnt even make it home, so I stayed at James and the next day we both called out. It was hilarious, Bette began to laugh. We hung out, rented exotic cars, ate lunch, and acted like two college pals, Bettes face glowed as she recalled the day.

That sounds like fun. Im glad you did that Bette, Tina smiled. You need to live life and enjoy it aside from working all the time, Tina stated.

I know. James said the same thing. Hes a lot of fun. I met his girlfriend Katey, Bette said without thinking and Tinas face flushed. She recalled the name and hoped it wasnt the same person. Are you okay Tee, Tina, Bette corrected herself. You look a little pale all of a sudden.

Yeah, I, Im fine, Tina mumbled. Will you excuse me for a minute? Tina eased her chair backward.

Sure, Bette replied, confused by Tinas sudden change in demeanor.

The food arrived while Tina was in the ladies room and Bette nibbled on the appetizer trying to figure out what happened. Now way! Bette said out loud. She couldnt! Bette whispered to herself suddenly piecing the puzzle together. She waved for the waitress to come back and asked her to take the food back and cover it until she returned. Bette went to the ladies room.

Tina was leaning against the sink clutching her stomach as if shed thrown up and tried to act as if nothing was wrong when Bette came in.

Are you okay? Bette curiously inquired. You were gone a while so I thought I should check on you, Bette placed her hand on Tinas shoulder.

Im fine, Tina stated hoping to avoid further inquiries. Just talk to her Tina. The voice in her head spoke. No more hiding. If you want change, you have to be a part of it. The voice went on. Well, to tell the truth, Im not, Tina said quickly. Bette gave her a perplexed look. Well, Im fine, but not okay.

Youre not making sense Tina. Im sorry, I dont follow you, Bette leaned against the sink.

Tina stepped backward and leaned against the frame of the stall. I need to tell you about something I did, Tina blurted out.
Okay?

I went to see Candace last week, Tina said in a near whisper. Im not proud of what I did, Tina rushed to continue before Bette could say anything. I needed her to be out of your life. Our lives, Tina bit her lip. I feel stupid about it, but it needed to be done, Tina went on, slightly embarrassed. If Katey is the same Katey I met at Candaces place, then you know her.

Bette paused before replying. She wasnt sure if she should tell Tina she already knew or wait for her to say more.

Its okay, Bette reassured. I already know, Bette comforted, reaching for Tinas hand. James told me after Katey saw you talking to Candace, Tina looked horrified. Tina, its okay. She didnt say anything bad and she wasnt tattling. She was concerned for us and mentioned it in passing to James. He wasnt malicious when he told me either. Please dont worry. Im not holding it against you, Bette reached for Tinas hand.

Shes not all shes made herself out to be Bette and I wanted to let her know that she needed to stay away from you until we figured out where we stood, Tina took Bettes hand for a second and then let go.

What do you mean? Not all shes made herself out to be? Bette quizzed.

Tina filled Bette in on the story of Candaces finances and who her primary backer was. She went on to tell Bette about Candaces temper and everything else shed found out. Bette was dumbstruck and felt a combination of anger, relief, and guilt with the information. Confliction filled Bette and she didnt know how to deal with it. Standing there with Tina made her feel all the familiar feelings shed missed. The void shed felt was now closing and all she wanted was for Tina to say she could work to forgive her so they could move on. Yet with all of that, she knew it wouldnt be that easy.

Bettes thoughtsI thought Id be more pissed off than this and I dont understand how or why Im even trying to mentally justify Candace. Or why somehow a part of me is excusing it. My attraction to Candace has nothing to do with her past, present, or future. I couldnt care less about that. It was pure carnal lust and temptation that made we want her. Being with Candace excited me; it made me feel alive, wild, and uninhibited. I didnt have to be in control, although she refused to let me. I was able to just be carefree. But is all worth what I had with Tina? Is the trade off worth losing my wife, friends, and family? God, I have got to figure this all out. I cant want Tina to take me back if Im still harboring lusty thoughts for another woman. How do find a way to be honest without hurting them or me? Damn! This is harder than the email.

Tinas thoughtsI thought shed be flipping out about this. After all, it was a pretty presumptuous move on my part especially without even knowing where we stood. I do love her. I mean, how could I not? Shes been so much a part of me and I cant just let go without a fight. *****, I fought Candace, so why not fight for Bette? But how do I trust her? How do I try to see past what she did? I can now finally own up to what I allowed to happen to myself and tell Bette how what shes done, cheating aside, affected the relationship and me. Her email was an eye opening for sure and I do want to try and get past it, but can she? Will she accept the changed me? If were gonna move on, shell have to.

Bette, Tinas soft voice grasped Bettes attention and she looked at her. I really had no agenda when I asked to speak with you, Tina honestly informed. Im just trying to bridge the gap to somehow reach out and see if we can connect. Ive done a lot of soul searching and realized that our problems existed before you cheated and I stopped liking you long before that, Bettes mouth fell open. Im sorry, I didnt say that to hurt you, but I have to let you know how I feel, Bette nodded. I realized that I became an extension of you. It was always Bette and Tina, never or rarely Tina and Bette. I was always first place, second in your life and it started to wear on me Tina began to reveal her innermost feelings. Your work, your clients, and your family, namingly your father, always took precedence. Over time, I made excuses for your behavior and mine only to get looked at funny every time I yielded to your wants and needs while forsaking my own, Tina regretfully told Bette who was now near tears.

God, Tina. Im so sorry for ever treating you that way, Bette confessed. I know apologizing now isnt going to make up for it, but I need to say it. I hope you could sense from my email how badly I feel about so many things and I want to make it right with you, Bette tearfully professed. I just really dont know where to start Tee.

I dont know what to tell you really. There is no easy way to do it except to just do it, Tina explained.

Is that what you did? Tina nodded. You just got up one morning and said to yourself that you were going to make a change? Bette rationalized.

Thats exactly what I did. I had no other choice. I couldnt keep blaming you for everything without taking a look at myself too. You did a lot of what I allowed you to get away with and I stopped liking you when I stopped liking myself, Tina let on. Bette, I wont lie and say I like you now, but I do know that I love you, Tina added. This experience has been a painful wake up call, but somehow Ive handed on my feet and good things are happening for me. I feel like a new person and I am warmly embracing the confidence and self-awareness I now feel.

Im really happy for you Tina and I think its great that youre healing. Youre going to do well at CM&E and youll make a good name for yourself there, Bette stopped for a moment. She needed to carefully form how she was going to continue. Tina, I need to ask you something okay?

Sure.

Is there any room for me in your future?

Tinas silence deafened them both. She wasnt prepared for the question much less having to answer it. They were supposed to be talking over a meal that was now sitting under a heat lamp, which would afford for breaks in conversation. Instead they were in a semi-heated conversation in an eight by eight space hoping that no one came in.

Id like to think there is Bette, but I really dont know. Are you willing to accept that I have changed and will be reluctant to yield the way I used to?

I think so, Bettes response didnt sound convincing. I want to and am willing to.

You have to be sure Bette. One hundred percent sure, Tina iterated. You have be to comfortable knowing that I will always question any interaction with Candace, although I doubt youll be hearing from her, Tina stipulated with intent. Im not just talking about Candace though. Im talking about getting help Bette. Like possibly counseling, Tina noticed Bettes body tense. I cant apologize for the way I feel. I cant go back to being the back seat driver in my life. I am going to work, I am going to want to do things independent of you, I am going to have trust issues, Tina continued.

I know and youre right, Bette cut in. I know I shouldnt simply think it would be that easy to win you back, but I cant help wanting you back home Tina. I miss you and in spite of my own fears and doubts, I do know how I feel for you and you alone. Doesnt that mean anything anymore? Bette pleaded.

Yes, of course it does, but you cant expect me to just move back home and think we can work things out like that. Im only just getting back on my feet and I think I still need some time apart to ensure I wont fall back into my old patterns. Bette please see my side of this, Tina begged. You would not be nearly as forgiving if I had cheated on you would you? Tina stated.

No, no I wouldnt, Bette conceded. So, I guess this means youre going to stay at Alices a little while longer?

Yeah, I think its best for now. Im willing to talk to you and try to be friends again, but until that happens or I feel comfortable that its happening, I just cant make another life commitment with you Bette, Tinas tear-filled voice quivered.

Bette could no longer hold her tears in and Tina stood by helpless as she reached for Bette only to get pushed away. Im sorry, but I cant let you touch me Tina, Bette cried. Please dont take it personally, but I want you too much to have you hold me close and then know Ill be spending another night without you.

Tina was hurt by Bettes rejection, but understood how she felt. She let out her remaining tears and then wiped her face. Ill settle the check and wait for you in the lobby, Tina excused herself.

I hate you Candace Jewel, Bette blurted out forgetting her earlier feelings toward her. But right now, I hate you Bette Porter even more for being so ***** stupid, Bette cried out. Now what are you going to do?