Chapter 5 – Going With the Flow

To look at her you might be able to see glimpses of the Power suit wearing Bette of the past. It’s in the intensity she pours into every aspect of her painting.

“If I’m going to do this I’m doing it all the way.”

It’s the only time when she has any resemblance of the “old Bette”. At this point in her recovery it is the only thing she lets herself get highly emotional about.

Now painting is a freedom for Bette that she pours all her emotions.  This is the luxury of life she never until now allowed herself. 

It always hasn’t been this way. She never before was able to trust that she could start something and not know how it was to end. Whether it is a fault in her nature or not, before, Bette needed to see each step clearly all the way to the end before she started it.  She always needed a goal, which in itself isn’t bad but she also needed to know every step it would take to get there before she could make the first move.  It all had to be planned, detailed and designed.  She needed to be able to see the whole project, every step defined before she could make her first stroke.  

This is why in college she gave up painting.  The whole creative process was way to frustrating. While being able to visualize this level of detail may have served her well in her previous position it also made her want to control all things.  As she learned in therapy the only thing you really can control is yourself.  You have to be crazy to think that you can control the innovative process.  But with her painting she has learned to begin and trust that it will end up in a good place.  

In the big picture, this means that Bette can now easily go with the flow.  Before she couldn’t risk going with the flow.  That would not guarantee success and Lord knows you can’t do something and not be an absolute success.  Her father would have never stood for it and so neither could she until now.  

Bette smiled when she thought about some of the canvases tossed in the corner to be re-painted.   Not all experiments can go right.

“WOW!”