Chapter 8 – Artist Evolution

As she looks at her paintings she can see how she has developed.  In her previous life she would have critiqued this as her evolution as an artist.  In her previous life, boy that seems like another life ago.  You can see the exact point in her work were she learned to be free. 

Her work was no longer a bad caricature of others work, lacking any emotion.  Now her work has a voice which speaks to the viewer.  At first this freedom started with many different shade of black, grey, charcoal, granite, or any other word to describe dark.  Dark to match her mood.  As her acceptance of herself grew color entered her painting.  As she progressed with her self awareness more and more color arrived.  Her paintings now explode with vibrate colors which really show her emotions and have meaning for her.  Bette really believes that this is where she can express all those emotions that she couldn’t control.  As she worked through the issues of her infidelity, her love for Tina, her loss of the baby, her feeling of being lost, Bette translated these emotions into her paintings.  The results were startling.  Hopefully others will see meaning in her work too for she has to eat somehow.  Kit couldnt take her eyes off them when she first viewed the final pieces. 

Kit: "Baby, I can almost feel you speaking to me as I look."  One thing Kit did know is that these were good.

Kit: "Bette, you need to show these to Tina. They would mean so much to her. They really communicate more then I have ever heard you express in words."

Bette: "Kit I dont know."  Shaking her head.  "I think about Tina, but I know it can’t go anywhere. She deserves so much more the then I could ever offer her."

Kit: "How can you even say that?  You haven’t even attempted to talk to her in what six, seven, NO eight months.  How do you know what she is thinking?  How can you even be so arrogant?"

Bette: "It’s not arrogant to say that I am an emotion cripple who ends up hurting anyone that tries to love me." 

She smiles now as she thinks of Tina. You add the color to my world Tina, why didn’t I realize that sooner.  Tina is in her thought a lot these days.  She somehow feels she has released Tina to go find happiness that she couldnt provide.  This thought that Tina is in a better place allows Bette to remember the good memories.  This is all I need, my work and my memories.  The part that Bette has yet to admit to herself was that in her good memories she couldn’t hurt Tina anymore and that is why she is holding onto them so fiercely.

Kit: "Baby sis, we definitively need to do something about this. You know she still loves you."

Gasping for air and beginning to feel shaky.

Bette: "She can’t.  I really can’t even think about her in those terms. Please give me time.  Just let it go. Please, for now?"

Seeing how pale and visibly shaking Bette had become, Kit reluctantly agreed but now she had a burning notion in her mind and while it may take some time she was not going to let this go forever.