Chapter 10 – Moving Forward

With the settlement behind her, Tina felt that maybe she needed to start moving on as Bette obviously had. Tina would have liked to have dealt with Bette and put finality to the unresolved issues she was feeling. Issues like, was I a failure to her because I lost the baby, I couldnt make her happy or even did I ever make her happy. When Tina examined the last year, she had to admit she didnt like the person she had become. I just started finding myself always making so many compromises that pretty soon I just couldnt live with the me I had become. Some crisis would come up and Bette being in charge would try to find answers or solutions and Tina would just say yes to whatever Bette came up with. Often the solution was one that Tina actually didnt like. Bette was running the show and when she would make decisions or demands. Tina often found herself going along to keep the peace. Tina now realizes that at the end of the day, all those compromises to keep the peace had created solutions that when added all up Tina found hard to live with. Tina now realized that the life she was living was made up of some pretty ugly pieces. The more that got piled on the more poisonous the environment became the farther Tina withdrew. Until this realization she had blamed Bette for all the changes she had gone through but actually Tina had made many of the changes herself by not standing up for a solution she could really live with. Tina now knew that they had been heading down a road that would have eventually torn them apart. Maybe Bette had come to that same conclusion way before Tina had even seen it coming. Bette just found the fastest way to get out of the relationship.

It was Thursday morning and Tina was meeting the gang at the Planet for coffee before heading out to Oriana House.
Alice: Hey Tina, over here come sit.
She is looking so much better these days Shane says to Alice before Tina gets to the table.
Alice: I think she is finally putting this whole thing into perspective.
Tina: Hey guys, what a long week, I think Im finally ready to get out a little. Is there Radar still on Thursday night?
Alice: Sure but its not nearly as fun as you and Shane seem to be missing all the time.
Tina turns to Shane with a raised eyebrow. Shane, are you holding out on us?
Alice: I have been trying to get this out of her for weeks, maybe now she is ready to talk about it?
Shane: Come on you guys. You know Im not shacking up with anyone. Its going to be a cold day in ***** before I go thru another experience after you know.Sherie.
Tina: Im sorry Shane. I was just trying to be funny I didnt mean to hurt
Shane turning red because she knows the just told not an out right lie but a lie none the lessNo, No its OK.. I just havent felt like trolling at Radar lately.
Alice: Sure, Right. You know Shane someday youll tell me whats really going on.
Tina: Well anyway I think Im up for some action tonight. What do you say?
Alice: Im in. Shane?
Shane: OK but I think Ill be a little late but Ill be there.

Tina left the Planet feeling she was moving forward to getting her life to a point where she could feel comfortable in her own skin. She still had doubts about herself and just what happened between her and Bette that it ended so disastrously. It wasnt like you could say that her life was getting back to normal but there were more normal days than cloudy grey days in her life now. She was really moving on.

As Tina pulled into the Oriana House, Cindy was just getting out of her car carrying a big box. I wonder what shes up to now? Tina thought.
Tina: Good morning Cindy, whats in the box?
Cindy: Well Im glad you asked. I know you have a lot on your mind and all but I was just putting into motion a few activities that I thought would be educational for the girls. I brought along some props to use with these activities. I didnt think you would mind. Come look.
Tina caught Carol walking around the corner of the building and she stopped to also see what Cindy had in the box.
Carol: Cindy, I wish you would let some of us know what you are doing before you get everyone excited about something. I really hate hearing what you are doing through the students. Carol was on a roll and had had enough of Cindy telling her what we are doing and showing her up in front of the students.
Tina once again wondered who was in charge around here. But as she listened to Cindys ideas she had to admit they were good its just that she wished Cindy would put her ideas to Tina and keep her in the loop before she went off and finalized all the plans. Cindy always made Tina the heavy if what she had planned and informed all the students about didnt come off because Tina thought it was inappropriate.
Tina: Cindy we need to have a talk. Why dont we go for lunch together today, somewhere off site where we can talk freely?
Cindy: Great, I always make my way down to the Farmers Market on Thursdays and grab something from one of the vendors down there. What do you say we do that and sit at one of the park benches and eat lunch?
Tina: Perfect!