I swear I’m having the best holidays ever! Even though I just spent two hours going to at least ten different stores trying to find a turkey smaller than 5 kilos (10 pounds right..?). Parents desperately trying to control their even more desperate kids, cashiers screaming and yelling all around me, wives dragging their bored husbands to jewellery stores exchanging their hideous new bracelets, and a friend of mine calling me up while I’m paying begging me to sing into the cell to try to ease her 8 month daughter. As I was just finishing the first chorus of 9 to 5 she apparently fell asleep. I guess I’m destined to have a special bond to that song/film..!

Dont suppose anyone of you good ol American house wives got a recipe for stuffing, huh? A dear hope for the celebrations is that I dont get a visit from my neighbour this year Four or five years new years ago, he came over and jumped me. The smell of home brew followed him inside, but it was his old spice that more than tickled my nose I swear, I still pick up this horny dogs scent even now ugh! But, all this put a side, hope you all have as good a feeling as I have, ALL MY BEST WISHES FOR A SAFE AND HAPPY NEW YEARS CELEBRATIONS!!

Last lesson of the year; All Norwegians celebrate new year getting as drunk as humanly possible, so that they dont remember how hideously the turkey tasted. They get wasted on methanol based booze, Norways second largest export merchandize. Were such an enlightened nation!! Hurrah!

Now, on to the story, hope youll enjoy!!





So you never answered grannys question, Tina?



Whos long fingers now, huh Hannah chuckled to herself as she excused herself to go fetch another bottle of brandy hidden in one of the kitchen cabinets. Tina felt herself burning up what the ***** do I say now??!

Huh? she just said as she tried to extract the attention back to the coffee stains on her sleeve, which somehow seemed more fortunate.. Bette smiled almost shyly, got a napkin from the table and started wiping Tina off You never confirmed whether or not youre spoken for, as granny so eloquently verbalised..

Bette tried to hide her giggle, not only for remembering Hannahs words but also seeing Tinas cute embarrassment. Tina froze and followed Bettes every move with big eyes. Eh.. I. um I have… eh…

Tinas fumbling was interrupted by a loud bang from the kitchen. Grandma!!? Tina was jerked out of her coma by Bette screaming and suddenly stopping her soft wiping. Damn Tina almost let out loud and instantly felt guilty for not paying immediate attention to Hannah lying on the linoleum floors in the kitchen. She ran over to Hannah and knelt down on opposite side of Bette. Little darlings, Im fine! I just did a slow dance with Vladimir over here she giggled, pointing at the huge bottle of Smirnoff vodka smashed to pieces on the floor. The liquor smell tickled the girls noses and Tina could have sworn she got tipsy just from that.

Darn, Ill just have to get Margot to go to the liquor store tomorrow Hannah got on all four and started lapping at the liquor Grandma..?!!! Bette was trying to decide whether to laugh or cry and opted for the first. She and Tina grabbed Hannahs arms and helped her up. Hannah had Vladimir all over her face and her tongue frantically licked her lips.

Hannah, are you ok? Are you hurt anywhere? Tina got her nurse modus back and checked Hannah for any bruises, broken bones or cuts. *****, the woman had fallen badly only a few weeks ago and was still recovering. Tina felt her heart break and her eyes watered up as she gently sat Hannah down on a chair and examined her, softly stroking her silver grey hair and wrinkled cheeks. Gone were all her awkwardness and clumsiness and it seemed like Bettes proximity wasnt interfering the least bit. The older woman and Tina rested their foreheads together and shared a smile. You cant just go and scare us like that, honey! she said softly, suddenly remembering the us part, and for the countless time that evening all her boiling blood collected in her burning cheeks. Uh, I mean.. we were.. I got Tina closed her eyes tightly and sent a desperate plea above please, dear newborn child, wont you tell me what the ***** is happening here??!

Im sorry Vladimir and I scared you and Bette, but hey, arent I fortunate to have both of you lovely girls right here with me??! Hannah smirked and winked at them both. Tina decided not to hug Hannah, seeing as it would probably give her third degree burns so she pecked her and gave her an incredulous look.

Bette had watched the interaction between her grandma and this blond nurse. She was in awe. She had appreciated her beauty instantly, but now it seemed she was radiating something far more profound than just her looks. Bette sat herself down on one of the kitchen chairs and continued watching, mesmerized, being somewhere on a far out planet.

Bette, dear are you ok, sweetie? Hannah put her wrinkled hand all sticky from Vladimir on top of Bettes. Huh? Bette landed back on earth again. Oh, I was just worried, thats all Bette smiled and lay her other hand on top of Hannahs. Worried, my ***** Hannah thought and grinned. I’m fine, just as long as youre both here she said with a smile. Their hands were glued together and both women looked at each other and burst out in heartfelt laughter. Tina began laughing as well and soon all three women were engaged in intense conversation around the kitchen table.

Why dont we go out to the living room again, kids? Hannah asked. I’m just gonna visit the little girls room for a few minutes she coughed again hearing herself telling a wee white lie I’m allowed to mess a little with my conception of time arent I? ***** I’m 92 years old for crying out loud! What was that grandma? Bette asked. Tina had gone into the living room already. Oh, nothing dear child

Before Bette could go as well, Hannah took a hold of her arm and grinned mischievously Did she give you the answer you wanted, honey?