Chapter 19 – Feelings

The Planet Sunday Morning

Alice was sitting at the Planet this bright sunny morning. How many Sundays have they all, the whole gang, gotten together for breakfast to share in each others lives? So many conversations, so much love that they all shared. Their triumphs and their flaming burnouts were all hashed out around this very table. She had been Bettes best friend, how could she have not known about Bette. Alice was having a hard time wrapping her mind around last nights revelations. Guilt, blame, doubts were some of the emotions running high in Alice as she sat there starring into her coffee. This was the state of Alices mind as Tina walked into the Planet. Spotting Alice, she waved but seeing that Alice hadnt even glanced up, Tina bought her tea and bagel and walked over to Alice.
Earth to Alice, come in. Tina whispered to Alice.
Alice jumped as if she had been touched by a live wire. Oh God, Tina you startled me.
Tina: Apparently, whats so deep this morning that has youre looking like you just lost your best friend?
What, what best friend. All I can say is IF my best friend is gone its probably because I lost her at the mall or something. Alice retorted trying to lighten her mood.
So, Alice what did you end up doing last night? I didnt hear you come in. Tina asked as she slid down in the chair.
Alice: Oh, I hooked up with Dana and we had a quiet night talking.
Tina surprised: Wow, from your face this morning it doesnt sound like it went to well, I thought you and Dana were getting along well now that Tonya is out of the picture. Have things changed?
Alice turned to look Tina straight in the eye before deciding where to go next. Alice wanted to talk to Tina about Bette but didnt want to reveal any secrets just yet.
Tina: Say something honey, did you and Dana break up last night? Now Tina was getting worried for Alice.
Alice shaking her head: No, No nothing like that. I actually was thinking about Bette this morning.
Tina: OOOHHH. As Tina sinks down farther in her chair.
Alice hesitates a little, making up her mind and launches into a discussion she needs to have with Tina before she can resolve her own feelings about Bette.
Alice: Tina, I have some real guilt feeling about Bette. I want to resolve them and I was thinking about trying to locate Bette. Before I do anything I guess I want to resume our conversation from yesterday morning. I think I can process better this morning, you know something about hangovers always make me fussy. Can we continue what we started yesterday? Are you OK with that? Tina?
Tina was starring off out the front windows. She looks back at Alice: Sure Alice, whats on your mind?
Alice: Tina, what do you need from Bette? What are you looking for? I guess Im asking where are you?
Tina looked down at her food. This is really the question she had been asking herself.
Tina: Actually Alice I dont know the entire answer. I need to move on. I know I still love Bette or at least my memories of Bette. When I sat alone in solitude, I learned that my memories will never die. I believe I have a much better perspective on our last year together now that I have had time to calm my anger down. I sat, cried and became full of gloom and despair, I had to move on or I would have gone mad. I can see the forest again and not just all the little trees. Tina pauses as if in mid-thought I need to know the why. I need to figure out why I wasnt good enough. But more important I need to see her to see if Im still IN love with her.
Alice: Wow, I guess you have been really thinking about this. Have you tried to find her?
Tina: No, Im not that far along that I have set any grand search plan in motion yet. Do you think you could help me with that?
Just then Shane walks into the planet and spots Alice and Tina and gives them a head shake.
Sure, I would love to help. Just leave it to me and let me see what I can dig up. OK? Alice finishes up as Shane walks up to the table.
Shane: Hey ladies, how are all us this fine morning?
Tina just nods her head to Alice as if sealing a secret deal as she turns to Shane: Great Shane, its good to see you too.