Chapter 28 – Give Your Love

Bette left the session more exhausted than she had been in a long time. Rachael was right, I needed to quit running. Who am I fooling, only myself. I still love Tina. I just cant deal with all the pain I have caused her. I need to figure this out. With this frame of mind Bette went through the week. She was more quiet and subdued with her encounters with Shane and Kit. Shane brought Kit along to pick up the paintings for the auction. It was Kit and Bettes usual dinner night. You guys, I lined up all the paintings I have available right now, I really dont know which ones to give. Why dont you pick out what ever you think would be appropriate? Bette instructed Shane and Kit as they came in. Bette had her whole studio lined up with over thirty paintings. Shane walked up and down the rows of pictures looking each one over. She immediately saw Abuse and Recovery pulling that painting as she definitely wanted that one. Shane was thinking of bidding on it herself. These are all so wonderful I dont have any idea what Im picking. I really dont think I can go wrong so Im just going with what I like. What do you think?
Kit shakes her head at Shane: Better you picking pictures out than me I definitely have no idea and Ive been told in the past that my tastes can be a little different.
Shane: Come on Bette, give me a little hand, after all you know art a lot better than either Kit or I.
Bette: You know Shane you have an innate sense about you, we didnt call you Yoda for nothing. Youll do fine.
Yeah but Ive only picked one painting out so far, Im just walking around ooohing and AAUHHing, a little help. Shane looking overwhelmed continues: You know Bette, I really wish you would come on Friday. As soon as Shane had this out of her mouth Bette got up to leave the room. Just pick out what ever you think, Im going to be sitting outside OK? And with that Bette left the room.
Shane looks at Kit: Do you think she is regretting donating the pictures?
Kit: I dont know but she does seem pretty preoccupied. Why dont you pick out the pictures and Ill go have a word.
Kit leaves the picture picking to Shane and follows Bette outside.

Bette was sitting in a vinyl lawn chair with her head in her hands. As she hears Kit approach she sits up. You done already?
Honey, whats going on with you today? Kit begins. If its the paintings, we can forget the whole thing.
Bette: No, its just been a hard couple of days. I just realize Im not as far along as I though I was.
Kit: Tell me babe, whats going on in that head?
Bette: Kit, do you ever get to the end of the tunnel? Kit just looks at Bette like what
You know you work so hard to get to a better place just to find out that the whole thing youve building isnt on solid footing.
Kit is getting worried now: Babe, I dont know if this is any help but personally I have had many new beginnings. All of them at some point felt like they were falling apart. Most really did fall apart thus why there were so many of them. But the thing I think I have learned is that Im not alone. Thats the most important thing. I dont know if you know how important you have been in my life. I mean now we have a solid relationship, I feel I could say and discuss anything with you. It hasnt always been so easy to talk to you as it is now. I knew I would be inflicted with your wrath or distain but you were still always there for me, every time. Turning to Bette, holding her face in her hands, You my sister have a lot of people in your life who would like nothing more than to BE THERE FOR YOU. All you need to do is reach out to them. Its hard. But oh it is so worth it.
Bette sits there as if digesting all that Kit had just said. Still deep in thought Kit continues: At one time I remember telling you that you had so much love surrounding you. Doya remember that?
Bette looks back over to Kit and nods.
You know Bette you still do. You just need to see it and recognize the love that youre hiding from.
Bette snaps her head up as if Kit had slapped her: But what if I dont deserve that love?
Kit: Bette, girl you have no say in who loves you! You can only give your love. And then pray that you receive a little back. For you theres a lot who want to give it back whether you want it or not.
Bette just looks at Kit with a small smile starting to cross her face. As Shane comes outside having finished with the painting picking project and loaded the paintings into her truck: Well are we off to dinner?
Bette: You guys go on, I think Im just going to stay in. Kit shaking her head I dont think so little girl.
Now Bette lets out a real laugh OK..OK lets go.