Bette led Tina back to the bed and lay her down.

Can I lie with you T? Just hold you? She asked, gently running a hand through the loose strands of Tinas golden locks.

Tina sniffed and nodded.

I dont know how to do this without you, I dont ever want to learn Bette avowed

Crawling between the covers Bette molded her body to Tinas back, splaying her hand out across Tinas stomach.

This is what I need from you Tina yawns

I dont want you to be afraid, T. We dont have to do anything that youre not ready for. Bette relented, fearing what the outcome might be if she pushed her partner too far.

Are you sure? Tina questioned in a small voice I know you want me to deal with it

Shhh Bette hushed her lover I dont want you to do anything youre not ready for

Silence fell and both women were left alone in their own thoughts. Bette was still reeling from waking to find Tina ready to walk out. Tina lay still, unsure if shed made the right decision to stay.

Bette? Tina whispers

Uh-huh?

Dyou think thatif I hadnt lost the baby Bette tensed as soon as the words left Tinas lips Would you have done it anyway?

Bette tries to reign in her frantic mind. Shed asked herself the same question many times but the answer still eludes her.

I dont know Bette admits, her heart thundering in her chest Ive asked myself that question so many times and I just dont know

Its OK. There were so many things, so many problems that eroded away what we had Tinas candid reply came as a surprise to Bette who still held herself accountable for everything that had happened.

I should have done more, I should have fought harder to reach you, fought harder to hold on to you Bette admonishes, fighting back her tears

Dont Tina whispers as she reaches back to touch Bettes cheek Dont go there

Bette shifts herself closer, pressing herself further into Tina

We failed, Bette, us as a couple. It wasnt just you, it wasnt all up to you

Bette held Tina as her weary body drifted gently into a peaceful sleep. Whispering heartfelt reassurances she hoped they would reach her lovers soul. Bette Porters solitary aim was to heal the woman in her arms. All other tasks paled in comparison. Her job, her precious career and reputation amounted to nothing if Bette stood to lose her most prized possession, the woman who lay resting by her side.

Looking back, Bette wondered how she thought she was going to get away with her infidelity. A part of her knew she would get caught, but still she blindly pursued it with recklessness unlike any she had ever known. She was like a gambler addicted to the rush. She risked it all, she was willing to risk Tina for nothing more than a brief fling with an attractive stranger. That type of encounter was a habit shed given up years ago for a lover that fulfilled her more than shed ever imagined possible.

Was this how you repaid someone who loved you beyond your wildest dreams? Of course it wasnt. You recognized that this person was more than you ever deserved and you did everything to make their life as full and rich as they did yours. For years this is what Bette had done. She loved Tina and would stop at nothing to show her just how much. When did it change? When had Tina depreciated in her mind, in her heart? When did work become more important than their happiness? When did they stop sharing the little things? Bette wondered at what point she had become so critical of her lover. When did it become a chore to love this exquisite woman?

Bettes heart raced with the realization of what she had done. Somewhere over time Tina had become a burden and no longer a joy. Tina had become demanding of time Bette felt she didnt have to give. She was regularly wanting Bette to be home for dinner, so they could share the evening together. Bette found herself resenting the intrusion when she was so busy with her work. After a while Tina stopped asking her to come home for dinner. Bette would come home to find her evening meal waiting beside the microwave with a note telling her how long to heat it for, Tina would be asleep in bed.

Eventually it became appointments with a counselor to dissect relationship problems Bette didnt even know existed until he pointed them out. Somewhere over time work had become Bettes priority and Tina was relegated to second place. She quietly submitted, there was no fuss, no argument, not a single harsh word uttered. Tina never stood up and demanded that her partner get her priorities straight, the way Bette would have if their roles were reversed. In her unassuming way Tina adjusted to the change and accepted it.

Bette blanched as she thought of the trust she had betrayed so carelessly. Maybe if shed made a little more effort to make it home on time for dinner. Maybe if shed spent a few less weekends at work they wouldnt have needed to endure those god awful counseling sessions. Suddenly it became clear that Tina had done everything she could to shore up their crumbling union while everything Bette did served to undermine it. If only shed taken the time to notice the subtle signs. If only she hadn’t ended up in a place of despair and sought comfort in the arms of a woman other than her wife.

Bette knew she was wrong, so far off track it was unbelievable. Tina didnt need to face the details of the affair. Tina wasnt the blind party here, shed recognized the warning signs well before Bette got herself into trouble. All those months she silently fought to steady their relationship.

Bette raised her head to gaze at her wife, studying her face with a newfound reverence. It felt like it was the first time shed truly seen her in months. Tina was smart and perceptive, when had she lost sight of that?

There in the pre-dawn silence Bette found herself falling a little more in love with the woman in her arms.

TBC