Summary of the previous chapter: Things are going well as Bette and Tina begin a tentative reconnection. Then Helena calls and interrupts.

As Bette was headed toward Alexs hotel room, Alex was at work on her book. She was angry with herself because she realized that there was information she should have gotten while in Hungary that she failed to get.

Alex was proud of the fact that all of her books were based on actual research. If one of her characters was a 13th century priest, Alex has researched the writings of a 13th century priest. If a book was set in 14th century Florence, Alex had done her best to research what it was like in 14th century Florence.

With this book, Alex wanted to do something different, take more creative license. She had not realized that until now. Getting the information she needed would require either another trip to Hungary or relying on secondary resources. Alex hated to rely on someone elses research, but she wasnt sure if she wanted to go back to Hungary for a while. There were too many things to which she needed to attend on the North American continent.

Alex was not a typical writer. She didnt outline her books. She started with a general plan and then dove in based upon what she had discovered in her research. Often, Alex would start a book not quite sure herself how it would end [authors note: in other words, kind of how I have been writing this story].

This book was definitely becoming a pain in Alexs rear end.

There were issues in Alexs personal life which she knew that she could not continue to avoid. One of the decisions which she faced involved letting go of a large piece of the past and Alex didnt know if she was ready.

For years, Alex had traveled the world while running from her life. She no longer knew the definition of home. Legally, home was the condo in Georgetown, but that had not been home since Catherine had died. North Philly, where Alex and Bette had grown up was no longer the same place.

Alexs parents had passed and she had no siblings. She had a few cousins, but they werent particularly close. To Alex, Bette Porter was the closest thing to family that she had. Alex also knew that Bette didnt need her. Oh, on occasion, Bette needed for Alex to come and give her a kick in the ***** to help her get her priorities in order as she was trying to do during this trip to LA. Otherwise Bette had Tina, Alice, Dana, Shane, and Kit. Alex knew that Bette loved her, but she also knew that Bette didnt need her anymore as she once had twenty-five years ago.

As for Alex, she didnt feel that she needed anything more from her relationship with Bette. She had acquaintances, colleagues, bedmates, people to occupy her time all over the world. Alex had enough people available to keep her from being lonely. However, she had no one with whom she was truly close. As Tina had observed, you could talk to Alex for hours and walk away from the conversation without having learned anything significant about her.

Tina had also observed that Bette and Alex had a unique bond. They could be separated for over a year and when they were together it was as if they had never been apart. Alex loved Bette, though not quite in the way that Bette loved Tina or Alex and loved Catherine. Their love was different. Alex and Bette had grown up together. As they went from children to adults, they changed and became different people from the seven year olds who bonded over a broken window. As they had gone through the process of becoming who they were, Alex and Bette were such a big part of each others lives that they significantly influenced the person that the other became. It was almost as though they were a part of each others psyche. Where ever Alex went, in her mind she took 2 people with her, Catherine and Bette. At times, however, when feeling sentimental (and usually drunk) Alex would admit to herself that she was just a little bit in love with Bette Porter: always had been and always would be.

F. Scott Fitzgerald once said something to the effect that, in the dark night of the soul it is always 2:00 in the morning. Alex was typically alone when those 2:00 in the mornings came. She snuggled up and thought of Catherine: the life they had and the life that they never had the chance to have. She wondered if she would ever stop grieving for Catherine. The reality was that Alex was afraid to stop grieving for Catherine. She was afraid that if she did ever try to move on emotionally, that she would lose Catherine. At it was, with each passing year it became a little more difficult to remember the sound of Catherines voice or the feel of her skin.

On very rare occasions, Alex allowed herself to wonder what life would have been like if she had pursued Bette. She knew that it would have never worked out between them. Alex and Bette had wanted different things out of life and neither would have been happy sacrificing their dreams. Alex and Bette were also both alpha dogs, so to speak. Tina was able to tolerate Bettes need for control, Alex could not because she would have wanted to be in control. They had, through the years, managed their dominant personalities because they never lived together long term.

There were some very rare moments, when Alex wondered if she had made a mistake, even though she knew that she and Bette would have never worked out as a couple. After losing Catherine, it was, after all, to Bette that Alex turned. When those moments did occur, Alex reminded herself of Tina and knew the answer.

Alex, though she would be loathe to admit, actually liked the image of the globe trotting romantic who carried the tragic burden of a heart broken over a lost love. It was much easier to bear than the reality of a scared shitless coward who was running and trying her best to avoid the reality of living her life without the person who could complete her and her empty soul.

In her life, there had only been 2 people with whom Alex felt truly safe: Catherine and Bette. One was gone forever and the other didnt need her.