Summary of the previous chapter: A little bit about Alex as Bette heads to talk to her after hearing Helenas message for Tina.

Bette and Alex sat on the couch of Alexs suite and Bette proceeded to tell Alex what had transpired at home. Per usual, Alex had her own unique opinion of the situation.
So, basically you called her a *****?

I didnt say anything about Helena. I just told Tina that I guessed she had plans.

I dont mean that ***** Ladys ***** Bells. I mean that you called T-bird a *****.

How the ***** did I do that?

I dont know, maybe by suggesting that you thought she would leave you to go ***** the ***** just to get a ride on her big boat.

Well, I sure as ***** cant give her a yacht to cruise the Pacific.

Did you ask her if she even wanted a yacht to cruise the Pacific?

No, but thats not the point.

That is the point, Betty. You didnt ask T-bird how she felt, you assumed for her. It is one thing to assume she wont mind sleeping late as a surprise on your first night back in the same bed. It is another thing to assume that she is going to bed that ***** for a couple of hours in the wealth of luxury.

Bette knew Alex was right, but she wasnt finished. All that aside, I just cant deal with it. The thought of her being with Helena makes me sick.

The thought of Lady ***** Bells in general makes me sick, but anyway. I guess you think she got off on the mental picture of your wetness mixing with the sawdust on the carpenters face. The soup for tonight is cream of wood pulp.

Thats disgusting and No, I dont think she got off on it.

Well, then ***** for tat here baby. Neither one of you likes the idea of your lover being with someone else. Thats a good thing, though, it means there is hope for the relationship. Bottom line, my friend, you forgot how hot the T-bird is. You took it for granted and didnt realize the kind of value that she would command on the open market. Now, you realize that there are plenty of others out there who will be more than happy to replace you any day in our T-birds life and most certainly in her bed.

Yeah, great hope for the relationship. I cant get the mental picture out of my head.

You will. Right now, though, you need to get your ***** back to T-bird and tell her that you know that you are a Horses ***** for just walking out of there on an assumption. Basically, Bette E. Balls, I want you to memorize the following statement and use it frequently. I am Bette Porter and I realize that I am a Horses *****.

Thanks a lot, Alex. You just have such of way of making a person feel special.

You know, Betty, Im gonna tell you a story. I dont think Ive ever quite told anyone this story before so, enjoy.
There were two girls, for the sake of simplicity, lets call them Alex and Betty. Now, Alex and Betty became friends when they were kids, and in my opinion, all kids are funny looking. But, as they grew up, Betty grew into an incredibly beautiful gal. Alex, on the other hand, grew into average, maybe a little above average if her ego was talking on a good day.
As they continued to hang out together, Alex realized how beautiful Betty had become and that everybody thought that Betty was the bomb. So, Alex kept wondering what Betty saw in her. She began to wonder when the other shoe was going to drop, so to speak. When was the day going to come that Betty was going to say, Im way more beautiful than you. Everyone wants me. I dont need you anymore.
This bothered Alex so much that she was happy to be with Betty at either her house or Bettys, but she didnt want to go out in public with her because she could just hear everyone wonder why Betty was hanging with dumpy old Alex. People werent interested in her, they only were interested in her friend, the Village Hottie.
On one hand, though, Alex was proud. She was quite proud that someone like Betty actually considered somebody like Alex to be her close friend. And you know, it made Alex cherish their time together. Alex always believed that one day Betty would realize that Alex wasnt good enough for her. So, she held on to their time together for when they no longer spent time together.

Alex, I

The point that I am trying to make here, Betty, is that you gotta realize that T-bird has, in her own right, become a Village Hottie. Every body wants the Village Hottie. Im not saying that T-bird is looking for that. But, I am saying that you need to remember that you can be replaced and you need to ***** cherish that woman.

Why did you never tell me that you felt that way?

It wasnt something I needed to tell you, *****, your ego is overblown as is. You know, one day, many years later, Alex finally realized that Bettys overblown ego compensated for her insecurity.

Of course, Im insecure, my wife is out ***** a filthy rich trust fund brat who can give her everything she wants.

Betty, why did we stay friends. When you were the Village Hottie, why did you continue to hang out with dumpy old Alex?

You werent dumpy.

Not my point, Betty.

I never saw you as not being good enough. I never thought about one of us being more beautiful. You were my friend; you were the person that I knew would love me even when I fucked up; I trusted you and I knew that you believed in me; I felt secure with you. I didnt have to be anything with you; I could just be me. You didnt have any expectations; you didnt want anything from me. You loved me for me.

Thats your answer. Thats why your wife would rather be with you than on the SS ***** *****.

But

But nothing, IBM.

What the ***** do computers have to do with this?

IBM, Betty, is short for I Blame Melvin. Your father saw having money as a sign that he had made it. He thought that if he had enough money, he could overcome people treating him differently because of his skin color. Your dad took a lot of ***** for being a black man because there are a whole lot of ***** in the world. Your dad thought that if he had enough money, those ***** would finally give him some respect. What Melvin never realized is that you cant buy your way out of being the victim of racism. Anyway, he taught you his ideas about money. He made you think that having enough money was the be-all end-all. Youve spent your whole damn life pursuing money. Youve got the Saab, the house, the power suits, which incidentally I think those shoes are ugly no matter how much they cost.

Thanks a lot.

Youre welcome. Your next call to Compliments-Are-Us is free. Moving along, the point is that Melvin put this idea in your head and you have spent your whole damn life trying to make enough money to say, ***** you world, I am Bette Porter and I am good enough. So, kiss my *****.

There is nothing wrong with wanting the finer things in life, Alex. You havent exactly become a pauper.

No, Betty, there is nothing wrong with wanting finer things. The problem is that you use it to compensate for your insecurity. You think that if Bette Porter were driving a, I dont know, ten-year old Pontiac, people would think that she wasnt worth *****. You equate your net worth with your worth as a human being. I think it is because your father thought the same thing. He thought that if he had enough net worth, the ***** of the world would start treating him as if he had worth as a human being.

Maintaining images is part of my job. Do you think anyone would take me seriously if I walked into the CAC with an outfit from K-Mart?

Might look better than some of that ***** you pay a mint for, Ive never understood the ugly ***** people wear because it is expensive, but I digress. You do all of this ***** because deep down you dont think that you are good enough. To compensate, you behave in a manner that makes you not good enough. Its the old self fulfilling prophesy. You think T-bird is gonna stop loving you when she realizes that you arent perfect. Therefore, you maintain this image that you are perfect. In the process of maintaining the image, you become an ***** that T-bird would be a fool to love.

Alex, you read too many self help books.

Betty, nobody would print my kind of self help. Now, get your ***** out of here, find T-bird and tell her that you are a horses *****, but you hope that she loves you anyway. Actually, I shouldnt say that. What did horses asses do to deserve that comparison?

Alex, Im leaving because my ego cant take any more of your compliments.

Alex smiled and Bette added, and because I am going to tell Tina that I am an *****.

Alex smiled as she watched Bette walk out the door of the hotel. Alex was proud of herself, she felt that she had earned the right to open that last bottle of Hungarian Merlot.