Chapter 37 – Cutting the Edge

Bette was a nervous wreck. Why did I agree to see Tina today? What was I thinking? She ranted to herself as she went through her apartment trying to hurriedly pick up all the paint rags, and dirty clothes in the corner before Tina got here. She had the feeling that she was loosing the battle. I know well go outside. Bette thought. She was keeping her mind busy with these mundane thoughts so she wouldnt have to think of the real issues like, what am I going to say? How will I feel if she touches me? Can I stay detached enough to become her friend? You know the easy stuff, right.

Tina arrived about thirty minutes after she had called Bette, her plan was to give Bette as little notice as possible so Bette wouldnt or couldnt chicken out. Tina felt that the closest she could get by with and not feel to terribly guilty was about thirty minutes. So almost exactly thirty minutes after the call Tina was standing at the door to Bette apartment ringing the bell to be allowed entry.

Bette came to the door looked through the peep hole at Tina, damn she really meant thirty minutes. Taking some deep breathes Bette opened the door. Both of them stood there just looking at each other. Tina broke the ice first: Hi, could I come in?
Duh yeah sure … I mean come in. Bette stammered.
Bette led Tina in through the narrow hall to a room in the back which appeared to be a living room only there was very little furniture just a couple of straight back chairs and a love seat type of sofa. I was thinking that its such a nice day that maybe we could go outside, what do you think? Bette asked.
Where ever youre comfortable. If you want we can go out for coffee of something. Tina offered.
Thanks, but I really dont drink that much any more but if you want some though I could make you some. Bette replied.
Maybe some water as we go outside, Thanks. Tina wanted to say more but felt they needed this polite dance they were acting out.
Bette lead Tina to the back and waved at the vinyl lounge chairs telling Tina she would be right back with some water: Is tap OK?
Yeah, sure. Tina said as she was looking around outside. It was apparent that Bette must spend a lot of time back here. She had a little table next to one of the chairs that was stacked with reading material, a book and two or three magazines. The magazine surprised Tina, National Geographic and Time. Tina picked up the book it was one of the Harry Potter books. Wow Bettes reading habits have really changed.

Tina was still walking around and hadnt sat down yet when Bette re-emerged from the apartment. Ah, Tina here you are. As Bette hands Tina a glass of water. You want to sit down? Bette waves again to the two vinyl chairs. Standing in front of one as she waits for Tina to sit down in the other. With both of them sitting down a silence falls between them. Bette is looking around at the scenery as if she had never seen it before. Tina notices her nervousness and somehow the fact of Bettes uneasiness actually calms her. It brought out Tinas need to be protective towards Bette again and wants to make this easy on her.
The event was a huge success. I dont know if you knew this but Alice used a copy of your rolodex to send out the invites. Tina started the small talk.
I though the crowd looked a little familiar. Bette chuckles: Only Alice, well at least someone is getting some use out of it.
The evening was really a success for the Crittin House, we were able to raise over a quarter of a million dollars. I know in terms of the amounts of money you are use to that may not seem like much but for us it means a better place for those battered woman and the opportunity for a better future. Tina gets on her preachy high horse a little.
Wow, Im really impressed. You guys deserve a lot of credit. Thats a lot of money and you all should be proud of yourselves. I just wish I could have done more for your cause. Bette seemed unfazed by Tinas defensiveness.
Tina now is telling herself to ratchet it down a little: Well your paintings were a big hit. Oh by the way, I should probably warn you that the art critic that Alice invited has been slamming her phone trying to get your name out of her. You can expect a call real soon from her, just a little heads up. Tina threw in.
Bette just shook her head: Well thats something else Ill have to deal with. Bette seemed a little distressed about it.
Tina right away offered to help: Yeah well, I can talk to Alice for you if you want?
No, Ill have to talk to Alice sooner or later, but thanks. Bette responds.
There was a pause as Tina wondered if she should bring up the painting she purchased. Why not. she thought to herself. You know I bought one of your paintings. Tina started.
Really? Which one? Bette asked.
Early Morning Picnic Tina responded.
But that wasnt one of the paintings I donated. How did There was a long pregnant pause you could almost see the wheels turning in Bettes head. She begins nodding her head as the pieces all fit together then Bette continued: Oh, thats how you knew I was at the Market. Bette after putting it all together a knowing look crossing over Bettes face along with a wistful smile.
Tina: Can we talk about your talent for paintings a little, Bette?
Bette: Sure what would you like to know? Is it really me? Bette smiles as she tries to joke a little.
No, I know its you. No one else could have painted that painting. It really is amazingly beautiful painting. Its so full of joy for me. Tina stated as she was visualizing the painting in her mind. When I first saw the painting I thought that someone had stolen my memory. Tina began. I couldnt be sure or at least thats what my head said but my heart knew you were behind the painting. Thats why I had to go back to the market. Do you know I waited there for you to show up since 6AM? What are you a slacker now, just showing up when you want? Tina joked with Bette a little.
Hey, I just go with the flow now, so yeah Im a slacker and proud of it. Bette replied. But then she crumpled her brow as she was in thought: Do you still feel that your memory was stolen?
What an insightful question Tina thought shes not thinking about herself. Shes thinking about my feelings. Tina looked back at Bette: No, its OK that it was you. If it had been anyone else I would have been pissed but you it just seems so right that you would translate that memory to such a perfect picture.
Well, I dont know about perfect. But I think you like it so Im glad you have it. Bette responded.
You really like painting dont you? Tina felt like she was asking the obvious.
Bette looks at Tina with one of those looks that say which way do I go with this the cliff note version or do I take the trail around the entire block. She seems to come to a decision and begins talking about her painting.
It, the whole process of painting for me, has become my refuge. It allows me the space I need to breath. I really cant compare it to anything that would have meaning for you. It gives me so much more than I put into it. Here Bette pauses and looks at Tina to see if this is making any sense to her. Seeing that Tina has that look of understanding on her face Bette continues: I have more freedoms now, it probably isnt just the painting but thats were I give the credit. I have changed in many ways but the painting affords me the indulgences of letting go of the things that really have little meaning to me now but were everything before. Things like the image of being perfect. I cant abide by that anymore. Here Bette stops and takes a deep breath and turns to Tina this was getting way more serious then Bette wanted right now. Well I definitely didnt plan on getting on my soapbox. Sorry but I just wanted to tell you Ive change some.
Tina lets this hang in the air for a moment and then responds: Bette Im sorry I really dont know where were going today. I just felt that we connected and it felt good. I just I dont know I guess Im feeling my way along. I dont know what do we want now I mean between you and I? Tina reached over and put her hand on Bettes. Bette immediately pulls her hand away and looks away so Tina continues: I was thinking something along the lines of being friends. You know I would like to get to know this Bette you have become. Would that be OK?
Bette looks back to Tina and nods her head: I would like that.
Tina sensing that Bette was becoming uneasy wanted to help lighten the conversation: Oh Bette I can tell you have changed just look at you. You have a torn flippy on.
Bette understands that Tina is helping with the mood and wants to go with it: What you dont think this is cutting edge fashion?
Tina leans back in the chair and spreads her feet out in front of her. She was going to let go of any more heavy topics for today, and just enjoy the moment of having the new Bette beside her. Taking a deep breath and letting it out to signal to Bette the moment has passed: You know its peaceful out here. Do you come out her a lot?