Summary of the previous chapter: Bette and Tina get advice and history lessons from Alex who communicates to Tina how much she detests Helena.

After Tina departed, Alex went back to her work. ***** this, she said as she went to find the stale pack of cigarettes. She took a cigarette and glass of wine to the balcony. She had to wonder why she had gotten so worked up about Helena. Tina was right when she said that it was personal. Deep down, Alex knew the answer. She had worked pretty damn hard to accumulate enough money to be good enough. When Alexs first book was published, she had sent an autographed copy to Melvin Porter with an inscription, Now that I am published, I hope you realize that I was not always the riff-raff that you thought. Perhaps now, I am good enough to be Bettes friend. IBM, it was Melvins fault that Alex was so touchy when it came to the subject of money. She had grown up never being good enough in Melvins eyes because her family didnt have enough wealth to meet Melvins standards.

Why has so much of my ***** life revolved around Bette Porter? Alex asked herself.

Meanwhile, Bette couldnt take it anymore. She had to get out, get away, be alone. She told James that she was leaving and to please forward her calls to her cell, but let the callers know that they would be getting her voice mail.

Bette got in the Saab and drove. She found herself heading toward one of the yacht basins. She had no clue where Helena docked or what her boat was named, so Bette knew that she couldnt possibly spot the rendezvous that she assumed was happening. It was rare for Bette to feel completely powerless, which is exactly how she felt. Looking for Helenas boat at least made her feel like she was doing something.

After leaving Alex, Tina drove to the CAC where James told Tina that Bette had left and that she had said calls should be forwarded to her cell, but that they would go to voice mail. In other words, Tina had no idea where in the ***** Bette might be and there was no way to get in touch with her.

Tina left a voice message for Bette to call her, but she realized that Bette probably wouldnt check her messages assuming them to be work. The idea of going home did not really appeal to Tina at that moment. She would have to deal with the answering machine, still blinking from Helenas message. Dana was at practice and both Alice and Shane were working. Not wanting to be alone, Tina went back to the hotel.

T-bird, two visits from such a lovely woman in one day. I am truly a lucky d.o.b.

Okay, Alex, whats a d.o.b.?

Daughter of a *****. Now, seriously, what brings your lovely company into my humble surroundings?

Tina filled in Alex on the details of her venture to the CAC.

Im sorry if you are busy, Alex. I just didnt want to be alone right now.

If I were too busy for you, T-bird, then I would be the worlds biggest fool. Make yourself comfortable and I will get us something to drink.

Alex returned with Tinas Perrier and a glass of wine for herself.

Alex, maybe I shouldnt bring this up, but Bette and I have both noticed something.

What is that?

Well, you always could put it away with the best of them, but you seem to be drinking even more than usual.

I hadnt noticed.

Is there something going on, Alex?

There is always something going on, T-bird: light bulbs, computer screens, hairdryers.

Ive got to tell you, Alex, you could teach classes on avoidance.

It is an art form. I wonder if they will ever devote a museum to it. Betty could be the director of the Museum of Avoidance Art.

You both could. I think you must have spent your childhood together practicing it. Come on, Alex. Talk to me.

I am fine, T-bird. It is you and Betty about whom we should be concentrating our efforts.

You cannot just focus on me and Bette. If there is something going on, we are your friends, Alex, if you will just let us.

Of course, I let you be my friends. Why else would I come to this ***** hole of a city?

Make it worth the trip then, Alex, talk to me.

I love talking to you, T-bird. Talk away.

Okay, I am having a problem.

Okay.

I have this friend and I think that something is bothering her greatly. She refuses to talk about it and keeps drinking a lot.

I think you should forget about the friends problems. She sounds like a pain in the *****.

She is, but I love her anyway.

She is a lucky woman. Okay, if you are going to badger the ***** out of me, I have to make a real estate decision.

Okay.

Ive been thinking for quite sometime about getting Canadian residency. Ever since King George the Dumber and his, as the lovely Canadian MP said, Coalition of the Idiots, it has become more uncomfortable traveling under an American passport. I think that I need to establish residency in Canada so that I can travel under a Canadian passport.

And the real estate decision?

Where to buy? I love Toronto; it has always been one of my favorite cities. Every time that I go there I always stay in this little B&B in Cabbagetown. I enjoy doing people watching on Church Street. However, the price of real estate in Toronto is outrageous. I also like Halifax; it is a more quiet place and real estate prices there are still affordable. However, it is awfully far to the east and the Maritime provinces arent as hip as Ontario or British Columbia. Do you ever look at the list of concert tours? Everybody plays Toronto and Vancouver, but they rarely play Halifax.

What about Vancouver?

Too much rain, not enough snow. Whats the point of moving to Canada without snow? That would be like living in Italy and being on one of those no carbohydrate diets. And I dont know if I want to live in a big city. What about a small fishing village? I hear that Prince Edward Island is nice. But, they havent approved same-***** marriages yet which makes me think that it is not as tolerant of a place. These are tough decisions.
Montreal?

My French sucks.

You are right, Alex. These are tough decisions.

Now, T-bird, are you happy that I have confessed?

I cant help feeling that there is more, but Ill drop it for now.

Thank you, T-bird. Can we now talk about a more pleasant subject, such as you?

I am fine, Alex. Really, I know that thinks will sort themselves out eventually. It is just going to take Bette and I some time.

Ah, joy to my heart! You said Bette and I. You said nothing about Lady I Hate Her.

I know that my heart belongs with Bette. My head is wary, but my heart is sure.

Your head has a reason to be wary. Betty isnt exactly the easiest person on earth. I gotta tell you, though, T-bird, that youve got to make some changes.

What do you mean, Alex?

You let her get away with too much, T-bird and when you do get pissed, you do it in a half-assed way.

What do you mean by that?

Like all of LA knowing that you were pregnant before Betty knew. Come on, T-bird. Wasnt that a little bit of sweet revenge?

That is not how it happened.

Let me give you a theory, T-bird. Youre a nice, sweet Carolina girl. Youve still got some of that southern mentality and that is how you southerners are.

Just want the ***** do you mean by that? Tina was rather pissed.

I had a friend once who was from the Carolinas. I remember her telling about how the family went to church every Sunday. They smiled politely and made small talk with everyone. Afterwards, they went home to lunch and spent the whole meal trashing all of those people to whom they had been so sweet and polite.

Are you making a point? Tina was still perturbed.

You southerners, and I mean that in a very general way, always say that Yankees are rude. I have a theory. You see, as the south developed, it was primarily an agrarian economy. You needed your neighbors help with harvesting or if the cows got loose. Therefore, you had to be nice to them no matter how much you hated the son of a *****. Whereas, the northern economy was primarily industrial. You had no reason to be nice to your neighbor, he was competition for the few jobs that were available. As such, Yankees were socialized that it was okay to be rude and southern children were socialized with the requirement to be polite whether you meant it or not.

Thank you for Introduction to Alexs theories of Sociology.

Im serious, T-bird. You were raised to be a polite southern gal. All of these years in LA havent taken that out of you completely. Whereas, Betty has no problem communicating her anger to the entire western world, you keep smiling politely when youre pissed off. Its gotta come out somewhere. So, you get back at Betty subtly instead of having a head on confrontation. I like head shrinkers call it passive-aggressive behavior.

Youre full of *****, Alex.

Ive been told that many times, T-bird. I just think that youve got to take a good hard look here. I know that things werent good even before the wood worker came knocking. Its gonna end up back there if you and Betty dont take a good look at what both of you did to make things suck. You love her, T-bird and I know she loves you. However, if you two want to enjoy your love then you need to iron out some wrinkles. If you dont that love is going to end up overshadowed by being constantly pissed off at one another. Now, Ive told Betty to memorize and liberally use the mantra, I am a horses *****. Your manta, which I want you to use is, Its okay to say good ***** yourself.

Go ***** yourself, Alex.

See, youre off to a good start. Alex replied as she smiled at Tina who couldnt help but smile back at Alex.

Tina and Alex chatted for a little longer about more mundane and safer topics. Talking with Alex made Tina feel much better and gave her the strength to feel like facing home. She left Alexs with a destination of home, but first drove by the CAC to see if, by chance, Bettes car had returned to its reserved space in the parking garage. Seeing that the space was still empty, Tina headed home.

It was destined to be a busy day for Alex Novack, guru of worthless wisdom. After Tina left, Alex received a phone call asking if she minded a visitor. Alex told the caller that she planned to be in for the rest of the day and they were welcome to drop by whenever they wished.