Chapter 49 –

Tina was in a way taken aback by Bettes request. Sure lets finish the tour and we can talk about this at lunch and come up with something that I can propose and see where it goes. OK?
Great. Bette liked the thought of helping maybe they could develop this into something good.

With that they finished the tour. Tina took the time to pull Cindy and Carol out of their classes to introduce Bette to them. This put a smile on Bettes face as Tina introduced her as her good friend. Leaving the building, they decided to go to the corner diner and grab something simple to eat.

You know that Cindy is a character, you can see it in her eyes. She sure likes to be giving the orders. How do you work with her? Bette asks Tina.

Im telling you that describes it the best. She really thinks at times we all work for her not that she works for me. She has been my biggest management challenge. Getting her to work together with everyone on the same page has taught me to be better at communication. Tina offered to Bette. This led Tina to another thought about communication: Bette if we come up with some program for you to possibly teach art to the kids would you have any problems communicating with or even working for me?

Bette had to think about this for only a moment. No, Tina youre in charge. I have strong feelings on how to help articulate emotions through outlets other than verbal. They work so well for me. They might not be as effective for everyone but the effort is usually so positive that the person feels better if only just about themselves. But ultimately this is your show I only want to help.

This all made Tina smile, here was a Bette who had all the right intentions. Well that good enough for me. was Tinas come back. So tell me what you have in mind.

With that, Bette went into a description of the encounters she had a the half way house and what she liked about them and what she thought could be improved or modified for the Womens Shelter environment. Bette and Tina shared a lively exchange of ideas which went on for quiet a while. They were able to hammer out of there conversation a broad outline of what Bette felt she could do, the techniques she would use and the benefits that would come to the kids involved. At the conclusion both felt that they had something worth pursing.

I like the whole concept. Do you want me to put this in a proposal format or would you like to do that? Tina asked Bette.
You seem to have a great handle on what I would like to offer why you dont do it and then just let me know what becomes of it. Bette responded.
Well its really your idea and I would like to make sure you get credit. Tina started but Bette cut her off immediately: Tina, I could care less about credit. I just really think it could make a difference for some of those kids.
Once again Tina was thinking God I really love this Bette. As she looked at Bette with a combination of love and pride at who the person is that Bette had grown into. It must have showed in her eyes because Bette read all of these feeling in Tina. This realization made Bette get real quiet and a little uncomfortable.

Get a grip on yourself. Bette was telling herself.

Tina felt like she was reading Bettes mind a little as she viewed her face. Bette, its OK you dont need to be afraid of me. I wont hurt you. Tina said trying to bridge this gap between the warm and open Bette and the frightened Bette that makes an appearance at the most inopportune time.
Bette head snaps up like its attached to a string thats just been yanked. Tina, I dont think Im afraid of you hurting me.
No, then what are you afraid of Bette? Tina is trying to keep her voice quiet and not let all the anxiety that she is feeling surrounding this question come through.

Bettes eyes are now drilling into Tina. The change in her whole appearance had taken place in an instant. Bette was now in a defensive posture her chin was out, nostrils flaring and eyes spitting sparks. I dont think Im afraid of anything you can do to hurt me. You could never inflict as much pain and misery at I am capable of. Bette says in a slow steady cadence as if this is a truth that is so despised that it must be issued in measure steps.

This is the closest that Tina had seen of the old Bette but even with this comparison this still wasnt the old Bette. This Bette was still open and honest, its just the message is one that Bette really believes is evil.

Bette what do you mean when you think you can cause such pain? Who are you hurting? Tina asked as she wanted Bette to confirm what Shane had shared with her.

Bette now marshaled all her emotions as closely as she could because she wanted to make sure that Tina understood this point: Tina I cant be clear enough when I tell you I will not ever hurt you again. I would rather die then ever do anything to remotely provide pain to you.

Tina lets this sink in as the intensity of Bettes entire presences speaks to the magnitude of this statement for Bette. Tina wanted to match the intensity but not the negative tone that was attached. I appreciate your intent but Bette I want to make sure I understand you clearly as this seems to be an important issue for you. Are you saying to me that you believe you will hurt me again?

Bettes response was immediate: YES

Bette, babe I want you to understand this because I dont think you realize this but you cant hurt me unless I let you. You cant get close to me unless I want you. You cant be with me unless I let you in. You cant do anything unless I allow you too. In the past I did, I allow you to do many things to me some good and some that in the end werent good for me. But Bette you need to realize that you are not the only one who has changed. That is the difference in ME, I wont allow you to hurt me. This is a two way street. You cant control me anymore. I have choices and you have choices. You have to let that kind of thinking go. Just let it go.