Chapter 59 – Piece of the Puzzle

The look on Tinas face when Bette opened her eyes almost made her cry as well as made her heart want to sing. Bette immediately steps forward into Tina once again wanting to repeat that kiss. Bette leaned into Tina who wanted the same thing. Bette took Tinas lips with an intensity she hasnt shown in quite a while. As their lips touched the heat between the two of them exploded. This kiss was passionate, full of want and longing that each of them where finally in a place that they could let their heart and mind admit that this is where they both are meant to be. As the necessity for air becomes an issue, they both pulled away. Bette brings her hand up to Tinas cheek just to enjoy the feel of her skin. Leaning her forehead against Tinas Bette tries to regain control.

I have so many things I need to say to you. Bette finally says.

Tina pulls back to see Bettes eyes, Babe we have all the time you need. Just happy that they are on the right track and making progress. They stayed standing there for moments longer both knowing that there were more things that needed to be said. They started walking again holding hands.

Bette felt more able to express herself as she started to open up to Tina. I have been trying to face my anger and my fears. I have been living with this pain and anguish, trying to keep it in the present as if it would prevent me from doing any more foolish acts. I wasnt aware of how obsessed I had become with the damage I had done. I didnt realize that by taking up this behavior I was actually continuing to damage myself. Part of acknowledging my pain and anger is to do an act of kindness toward the offender. My act of kindness to myself is the Saab. I always have enjoyed that car. Bette tells Tina as they walk.

They walked in silence for a while as Bette was working out what she wanted to say. Bette still deep in thought slows her pace, hesitating.

Tina interprets Bettes actions as if Bette has her question but is afraid of the answer shell get back. Gently squeezing Bettes hand saying: Its OK Babe, ask.

Bette squeezed Tinas hand back as a thank you.

Tina how do you know you can trust me again? Bette finally gets out.

Tina stopped walking as this answer was important and she wanted Bettes undivided attention.
Bette I dont know entirely but my heart feels I can. I look at you now and I dont see the walls you use to have around your heart. Its like you tore them down and replaced them with windows. You have become translucent or at least thats the way I feel when Im talking to you. I can see into your thoughts, you let me. You arent deliberately elusive or distracted as you use to be as you disguised your feelings. Now you just put them out there. Thats not to say there wont be times when I question you. Im not worried about that because I know now I will ask and not let you get away with anything less than telling the truth. So I guess its a little on you and a little on me. Tina concludes.

Bette slowly let her breath out, making a sighing sound. She hadnt realized she had been holding her breath the whole time Tina was talking. Now breathing again, Bette lets everything Tina said sink in nodding her head as she begins to understand what Tina is saying.

So Tina, was this the thinking you used to get to the point where you could forgive me?
Bette asks trying to fit this all together.

Part of it, a lot of forgiving you became easier because of how you have changed. The other part is I would have eventually forgiven you whether you changed or not. I needed to forgive you for myself. I never would have moved forward with my own life if I had stayed in that place of anger. But I wont kid you it was hard work. I had to consciously decide to forgive you. I actually had to say it out loud, several times to make it my choice. But once I had accomplished that my anger evaporated away and I actually felt my ability to love and trust become improved. It helped me so much to move forward. Tina finishes looking to Bette to see if she understands.

Bette is looking back at Tina but you can tell she is missing a piece of the puzzle. The concept is just out of her grasp.

Tina continues hoping to provide that last piece for Bette to make it all come together.
Babe, by forgiving you it gave me such peace of mind to finally move beyond that point by letting it go. The best part for me is that it enhanced my relationships, all of them. I achieved a certain freedom in my outlook that just made everything better. It happened for me and I know it will for you. Bette youre really there, you have peace of mind. You have it with your morning ritual, your paintings, in how you have moved forward with your relationships with the girls. Youre there babe, you just need to embrace it. Tina finished willing Bette to understand

Bette slowly sees the light as her head begins to nod.