Tina: Oh no. I saw it

I wanted to ask her what she saw as I walked toward her but I knew it would only come out as buying time to find a perfect answer. So I just walked over to her not knowing what to do. My palms were sweating afraid of what was to come next. Tina saw it. She understood what happened at the gallery.

Bette: Im sorry Im sorry

I reached out for her and held her in my trembling arms. I never knew how strong Tina was until she pushed me aside causing me to lose balance.

Bette: Im sorry

I reached for her again and this time I felt a sharp blow to my face. It was like a scene played in slow motion. I saw her mouth open, her eyes reflecting the pain that I have caused her, slowly she lifted her hand and I knew what was to come. She was going to hit me. But I just stood there not moving from the spot; waiting to be hit, ready for the pain to come. I closed my eyes, bracing myself for the blow. And then there it was the blow to my face, a sharp slap.

I opened my eyes and looked around. I was in my bed; the room was dark and empty I could hear the traffic noises. *****! Im having the dream again. I was sweating profusely and my body was trembling. I turned the lights on on my nightstand. Poured a drink and swallowed the liquid in one full swig. I sat up, pulled my legs towards me and hugged them in an attempt to stop the trembling. This wasnt the first time I was having the dream. Six months ago during my first success with the new gallery, I had the same dream before the show started. And like it quickly began, it quickly disappeared once I got the show started. And now that Im working on the new show, its starting again. The fear of the night of Provocations came flooding back to me.

I cried thinking of that night. I let out a soft sob not wanting anyone to hear it. Not wanting anyone to know I was crying. Ive lost so much with Provocations, and with each show I started, the fear of losing is so great that these dreams just come back to haunt me. Every time it happen, my hand just automatically reaches out for something that would lead me to her. I picked up my cell wanting to call Tina. To tell her of my awful dreams and fears, so I could hear her soothing voice. But I couldnt do it; it just wasnt fair to her. I closed my phone knowing too well it was a bad idea, and had I gone through with it, Id have broken another promise. And that is not want I plan on doing if I wanted to make her happy.

The apartment was quiet. I looked at the clock; it was five on a Saturday morning. I might as well go to the gym. I wiped the tears that had trickled down my cheeks. I got up, washed my face and changed. Funny, who wouldve thought Bette Porter, was up this early to do her morning jog?

As I got to the gym, I saw a few people were already ahead of me doing their daily routine. It was just five floors below my apartment.

David: Hello Miss Porter. How are you this morning?

Bette: Im fine thanks. Can I get a locker key please.

David: Here you are. Enjoy your workout.

Bette: Thanks.

I grabbed the key and headed for the locker room. It was steamy; I could hear a few showers running from where I was standing. I opened the locker and put my gym bag in it.

Theresa: Hey youre early today! Having one of those days?

Bette: Hi Theresa! Yeah you could say that.

One of those days being the ones where I couldnt get a good enough rest.

Theresa: Listen, me and the girls are going to hit the clubs tonight if you want to come?

Bette: I dont know Im pretty busy at the moment what with the opening and all

Theresa: Right, right. It should be exciting. Will you still pick me up for it?

Bette: Yeah of course!

Theresa: Good. Well, if you ever change your mind

Bette: Yup. Thanks for the offer though!

Theresa smiled and left. I shut my locker, picked up my towel and went inside.

Theresa is a woman who lives at apartment number 3. Shes a journalist for the New York Times. Of all the tenants there, Id say she has been the most welcoming. I remember the first day I arrived; she was the one to help me move my stuff around. She also keeps me company at times; well only when she wasnt out at clubs or on dates. I feel comfortable around her. She reminded me so much of Alice. Actually they are alike in most ways except for the fact that she isnt as confused as Alice about which team she want to be in.

Shes been inviting me to go out and every time she does, I always turn her down. I was here for a reason and that is to build a new life. I do go out with her every once in a while but that only happens when she keep nagging me about it. I know she meant well and I also know that she was worried about me all locked up in that apartment all by myself. Really she probably is a photocopy of Alice; different and can be irritating on the outside but very kind on the inside.

I went on the treadmill for an hour lost in my own thoughts. I worry so much about the new opening. Worried about what the press might say. Worried the old news might resurface. It was a ***** of a year for me to endure post Provocations. People were saying things like I was the best thing that happened to the CAC with the success of Provocations (which always made me happy) but they also say that I was the worst thing that happened to it (the fact that The Peabody Foundation pulled its fund from it). When I found out Tina was going out with Helena, Peggys daughter, I couldnt take it. I pushed the CAC too far and in the end, Helena, through her powers, retreated from doing anything with the CAC. And thats when I first tasted the wrath of media exposure.

Around eight, I left the apartment for the gallery which is just five blocks away. I love the mornings in New York, you get to see people relaxing and enjoying their early breakfast before they head to whatever it is their destinations. But as for me, I usually just grab something on the way and eat it at work. Yeah you can say Im a bit antisocial but then again, I just didnt feel the need to be surrounded by many people anymore. Those that I need are no longer there. Theyre miles away. Besides, it gives me a chance to start up my day early in the hopes that I get to finish work.

The day went by so fast. It was just me at the gallery doing some last minute changes for the opening which is just six days away. This place is going to be great. Ive done four shows since I opened the gallery and it was not until the last one did I get credited by the media as well as artists. The artist I was celebrating that time was Stacey Black. She is this excellent photographer whos travelled a lot especially in third world countries taking pictures of all the things you would never have seen in America. You see the kids suffering just by looking into their eyes, mothers desperate to get food for their kids. Her photographs were very touching. And I am very proud to have been able to host her work.

This new show is called Colours. The pieces show how, with various effects and skills the artists use, the colours and the meaning the pictures reflect will change with every variation. There are about seventy pieces for show and all up for sale. The invites for the opening nights have been sent and all that is left is to double check that everything is in place for the opening night. I looked around the gallery looking at the pieces one by one for probably the hundredth time. Sure Ive changed but the perfectionist in me hadnt!

I looked at my watch, it was already eight. Yes Ive been here for twelve straight hours only stopping to grab a bite to eat. Well, better to head home then. I grabbed my bag and my jacket in the office. Before I turned the lights off, I stopped as I look at the painting that is hanging on my wall just behind my desk. I remember how often I looked at it whenever I come to work every morning. How important it is to me and how my life started the day she saw this.

I remember her looking at the painting

Bette: Arent you coming to sit down?

Tina: Yeah I just really like this one.

Bette: You do?

Tina: Yeah why?

Bette: Nothing its just one of my favourites. But this ones not for sale. Its a Kandinsky. It was a gift from someone.

Tina: Oh I see.

I remembered looking at her in her black dress. She was the most beautiful thing Ive ever seen Then she lost her earring in her hair. I reached out to get it for her. That moment when she smiled as I gave it to her, I just melted! Every time I think about it, I feel happy; happy because thats the time when I knew we were meant to be together. It changed who I was, and I was ready to commit right then and there. Bette and Tina, Tina and Bette. But I guess that image will only last in my head, not in reality. For I have destroyed the one thing that mattered most in my life.

I looked at the painting one last time before I left. Why couldnt I be the person you wanted me to be Tee? Why couldnt I have worked it out with you? Why was it so hard for me to let go of the most evil thing in me? Why couldnt I be strong for you? And why couldnt I be there for you when you needed me? Even after these three agonizing years Tee, you still hold my heart

I sighed, switched off the lights and headed back to my apartment where only loneliness awaits