Bettes Sunday Morning

I roll over and instinctively reached out for Tina. It took several seconds before it realized she wasnt there. I mentally chastise myself for not remembering not to reach out. It is one of the most brutal reminders of the day, first thing, in our most intimate space. The sun that used to stream in through the blinds now seems to be pounding into to my head. I turn over, suddenly realizing where I am, in our room. I havent slept here since Tina and I. I instinctively get out of the bed and stare at it like it might provide me the answers I need. Why did I sleep in our bed, I said I wouldnt do that until Tina came home. I back up a couple of steps, the wine haze is lifting. I dont remember much after Tina came steaming into the bedroom screaming at me about the baby, the divorce and the property. I still dont understand how she could let me find out from Alice. I understand she wanted to punish me but to go that far ? Maybe its what I deserve. Why cant I remember exactly what Tina said last night ? I know she was angry at me, but thats par for the course these days. I thought Id done the right thing, I wouldnt stand in her way, I want her and the baby to be happy and safe. Even if its without me. I would never deny her or our child anything, isnt that what I put in the letter ? I walk slowly around the room, it provides no answers. I dont remember much after Tina left, why is that ? Was I too upset, did I drink too much ? Just then I smell it, fresh coffee brewing, for a split second I think its Tina but then I realize Kit must have stayed over. Its a blessing because I dont want to be alone but a curse because it doesnt and cant fill the void. It seems nothing can. Kit, God Bless her, how will I ever thank her for everything shes done for me. God knows I wasnt always that kind to her. In that instant I decide to make it up to Kit, I dont know how but I know how important she is in my life. Im never overlooking important people in my life again, denying them the credit and honesty they deserve. I will start in the simplest way, by thanking her. I suddenly realize I am naked. I slip on some jeans and a tee shirt, no shoes, I know Ill be sitting on the couch soon. Id just have to take them off. I slowly close the door of our bedroom, maybe Kit can help me on the why I slept in our room issue. As I walk out I see broken glass on the floor, the house is untidy, my favourite picture that I gave to Tina as a gift because it reminded me of her is on the floor. I make my way to the kitchen, Kit is sitting at the table. Water, 2 headache tablets and a fresh coffee, she placed them there for me when I decided to appear. I slink in suddenly embarrassed realizing it wasnt Kit who would have done this to the house. The house that now doesnt even look like mine, ours, whatever. I slide onto the chair, Kit looks up from the paper, over her glasses. I feel like a school kid. This isnt what I had in mind to say thank you. I decide to leave it. Kit looks at me, I go to speak but nothing comes out, where do I start ? How do I start I dont remember most of it, looking around a few flashes come and go. That picture did it, it pushed me over the edge, so I decided it had to go. I feel Kit looking at me, even though I am looking around trying to piece it together, lost in my thoughts. Was anyone else here ? No. Did I do this ? Well, Kit sure as ***** didnt. Kit clears her throat. I look down at the table.
Kit : Baby sis, you know I love you dont you ?
Bette : I know and Ive been meaning to say..
Kit cuts me off. Kit : Bette we need to talk.
I look around. Bette : OK.
Kit : Bette look at me. Im telling you this because I am you sister, because I love you and because no one else will say this to you.
Bette : OK. My instincts tell me Im not going to like this, run, but I dont move.
Kit : I can tell from the way you are looking around you dont remember much.
Bette : Why did I sleep in our bedroom ? I blurt it out, it seems the only important thing right this moment and I need an answer, although I cant think of one that will satisfy me. I havent touched the survival kit she placed on the table but any minute I will because my head is killing me. Before Kit can answer me.
Bette : Um, Kit I know what you are going to say and I am sorry about all this, I will clean it up and I will listen but can we do this later, you know I dont feel that great right now.
Kit : Dont even think about moving Elizabeth Porter, no we cant do this later, sit. She points as I have started to stand up. Her tone is severe. Gone is the loving sister Ive known recently. I sit.
Kit : Bette, look around, what happened here, do you remember ? I dont answer.
Kit : Bette ?
Bette : I clear my throat. I remember being in our room before Tina came, I remember Tina coming and screaming at me, I remember Id been crying and had a few wines.
Kit : Baby sis, you are drinking too much, do you hear me ? This is (Kit points at the empty bottles) not the answer. I bet you cant even remember what Tina said, and I know you dont know what happened here. Kit sweeps her hand around in a gesture to indicate the state of the house. Bette I have BEEN there, it is not the answer. Oh, honey I know this is hard but you have to find another way to deal with it. Bette ?
I know in my heart she is right. I dont have the same issues with alcohol Kit did but Ive been using it numb the pain and even on occasion, if I am honest to exacerbate the pain. Anything to feel something. Instinct tells me to deny it. Tell Kit to get out, how dare she, cant she see I am suffering.
Kit : Bette, I know you didnt go to work a couple of days last week.
Thats it, what is everyone spying on me ? What the ***** !
Bette : Youre right Kit I didnt go to work but unlike the days you didnt go ANYWHERE my time off was not because Id been drinking. I shout, Im waving my arms around, my tone accusatory. My earlier thoughts about how greatful I am to Kit are gone. The minute I say it I regret it. Damn it. Kit says nothing, just collects her bag and I realize she is planning on leaving.
Bette : Jesus Christ. I mutter.
Kit : you might need dome help from him too Bette.
Bette : Kit, jesus, I am sorry, I should not have said that. I apologise. It was spiteful and hurtful. I am sorry. Please Kit, dont go like this. I am so greatful for everything youve done since Tina left. Ive been trying to think of a way to thank you. Come on Kit, it was a ***** thing to say and you are only trying to help. I ramble.
Kit must see the sincerity in my face or hear it in my tone. She takes a few seconds and puts her bag down.
Kit : It was a ***** thing to say. Bette if you want to thank me, be honest with me, you know if youd done that with Tina things might have been different.
The comment hits me with a force I hadnt seen coming, Im temporarily speechless. I know Kit is right. Now I know how she felt when I slammed her about the drinking a few moments ago.
Bette : OK, Kit. OK. I run my hands through my hair.
Kit : Why does Tina think you want a divorce ?
Bette : I dont want divorce. I yell. Kit sits silently until I answer her.
Bette : I wrote to her and apologized for everything I did and told her I knew about the baby and her wanting to see other people and I would not stand in her way. Of course I will provide for them and want to be the childs parent if Tina will let me. Kit, she wont see or talk to me, what could I do ? I see the stunned look on Kits face, the baby, she didnt know. Do only Alice, Tina, Tinas lawyer and I know ?
Kit : Oh my god, baby sis. How far ?
Bette : 4 months Kit. See why I have been struggling. ? But I swear I never asked for a divorce. I was trying to do the right thing. I think Tina misunderstood. Kit nods.
Bette : what happened last night Kit, that this, I look around, that this happened. How did I end up in our room ?
Kit : After Tina left, you didnt say another word for hours, just sat out there by that damn pool, drinkin at a rate of knots, then you come in here and start tearing the place up, throwing things and taking down and puttin away anything off significance. I tried to talk to you but we both know you cant reason with a drunk.Then you simply said ***** Tina and got into your bed. I tried to talk you out it but Bette you just turned over and wouldnt say anything.
Bette : Why did she have to come just then, the first time I go into our room ? She didnt even seem to notice Kit. I say it out loud, I didnt mean to. It was meant to be a private thought.
Kit : Bette, do you really want to thank me ? Bette looks at Kit with that, do you have to ask look.
Kit : then I tell ya what we are going to do. First we are going to clean this place up. You are going to shower and we are going to the park with take coffee to soak in some sunshine. We are going to make a plan Bette, to get you in better shape and to get your family back. But that wont happen unless you look after yourself first, OK ? And damn it Bette, you need to be patient OK ? Tinas not coming back anytime soon. It is going to take work, lots of it
Bette : Kit ? Thank you. Its all Id wanted to say all morning.
Kit : Come on then, why are we wasting time ? The sooner we get this right, the sooner your wife and child come home.
She really thinks I can get them back. In an instant I have the broom and dustpan out. Theres not a minute to waste. I am going to get my wife and my child back.