“You want me to do what?” Tina was trying to keep her voice under control, but Eric wasn’t exactly making things easy for her.

“It’s just a little dinner party.”

“Tonight. You want me to go to a dinner party with you, tonight.”

Eric shrugged. “That’s pretty much it. Nothing fancy. Something a friend from law school set up.”

“Eric, I’m not sure this is a good idea. I mean,” she gestured towards herself. “And I don’t have a lot to wear.”

“It’s business casual. I’m sure you have something.”

Tina still looked skeptical.

“Look, Lyn was supposed to go with me, we’ve been seeing each other a little. Anyway, she cancelled, and it’ll be awkward if I show up alone.”

“And what would you have done if you hadn’t run into me today?” Tina poked around at her plate with her fork, finding that an acceptable way to work off some of the energy that she felt building from this encounter with Eric.

“Honestly?”

“I’d appreciate that.”

“Honestly, I came by here hoping I might see you. You were the first one I thought of.”

“Gee, who can go with me?” Tina scratched at her chin, her actions mocking someone being deep in thought. “I know, my ***** ex-girlfriend. She’d love to have dinner with me.”

Eric sat back, raising his hands. “Busted. Ok, I admit I heard through the grapevine that things weren’t quite working between you and Porter. I’m not totally out of the loop in the art world.” Eric paused, taking a sip from his water. “Really, all I’m interested in is dinner.”

No response from Tina.

“Just one night? You? Me? A few people. Where’s the harm?”

While there was something about this whole setup that smacked of being, well a set-up, Tina had to admit it sounded harmless.

“Dinner, and that’s it?” She wanted to at least pin him to one thing, rather than have him keep trying to add terms to their agreement.

“That’s it.” He held out his hand. “Shake?”

Tina grasped his hand and gave it a light shake. Before she could free her hand from his, Eric lifted her hand to his mouth and gave the back a light kiss. “Tonight, then.” And he flashed that smile that he knew would always bring out a smile in her. Just as it did now.

“Let me give you instructions to my place.” Tina began to describe how to get to her new apartment.

———————-

As if Tina wasn’t doubting herself enough by that evening, by the time they arrived at the restaurant, things had seemed to take a turn for the surreal. Tina found herself seated between an older gentleman and a woman closer to her own age, and across the table from Eric.

“Eric didn’t tell us he was married.” The man said, and then turned to the woman on his far side, appearing to not want to engage in an actual conversation.

“Don’t worry, there aren’t always so horrible,” the woman said as an aside. “Although sometimes they’re worse.”

“And what, exactly, is this?”

“Excuse me?”

At this point, Tina wondered how much Eric had just glossed over. “I mean, I didn’t quite get the whole story.”

“Well, your Eric,” the woman started.

Tina hoped the grimace that flashed over her face with the term ‘her Eric’ wasn’t too apparent.

“He went to school with Clive down there.” The woman waved her fork towards a tall, dour looking man. The man, to Tina’s surprise, waved back. “Clive’s been trying to get us to have Eric in for ages. But, you know how they are.”

“Right. How they are.”

“Attorneys. Anyway, for reasons unknown, he finally consented to meeting all of us.”

“Okay.”

The woman gave Tina a warm smile. “You’ll love the benefits for the firm. Very family oriented. He’ll even get a paternity leave, and some of the men even take advantage of that.”

“Really.” Tina could feel her annoyance growing. So much for a friendly little dinner set up by friends.

“Our firm really values families. It gives a man stability.”

“That’s Eric, all right,” Tina agreed through clenched teeth. “Mr. Stable.”

Suddenly, to Tina, that’s when it all became apparent that the meal laid out before her had lost its appeal. As did the company. And she realized just as quickly that she didn’t have to be here. She didn’t owe Eric anything. And, under the circumstances, she certainly did not feel an obligation to remain.

“You’ll excuse me,” she said, standing.

With that she grabbed her purse and headed to the door.

Eric caught her before she could exit the restaurant. “Tina?”

“Goodnight, Eric. I can get a cab home from here.”

“Tina. Come now, is this so bad.”

Tina took in a deep breath. “Yes, Eric. It is. I’m not your ‘show wife’ for the evening. I never agreed to come along so that you could look like a family man to a law firm.”

“That?” Eric gestured back at the table. “That’s just something I agreed to. I’m not going to go work there.”

“Eric, please don’t take this the wrong way. I don’t care.” There, that pretty much explained her position, she thought. “Now, I’d like to go home.”

“Wait,” Eric pleaded. “Please, two seconds. Just let me say good-bye, and I’ll drive you.”

Tina pursed her lips. “Two seconds?”

“More or less. Just wait here.”

“I’ll be ready to go when you are. I need to,” Tina motioned towards the restroom. “It’s a baby thing.”

“Right. I’ll meet you here, then.”

Against her better judgment, Tina agreed.

——————-

If Eric thought that Tina would be easier on him once they were alone in his car, well, then he really wasn’t thinking. “That wasn’t right, Eric.”

“I’m sorry. But I figured if I told you the truth”

“And you didn’t think I’d find out.”

“Actually, I was hoping you might see how normal it all is.”

“Normal? Having me play the pregnant whatever I was supposed to be for a law firm. Normal?”

“I guess not, huh?” Eric’s attempt at humor fell flat. “I needed to do this. I needed a way for you to see what it could be like.”

“What what could be like?”

“Us. Again. Think about it, Tina. Think of what I can provide.”

“Eric?”

“Yes?”

“Are you ***** insane?”

Eric, to his credit, said nothing directly in response.

“What, did you think you could have me spend a night pretending to be a happy heterosexual, and that would fix me?”

“You have to admit, things were normal.”

“Normal? Normal for you, maybe. Normal for the anal retentive legal set.” Tina turned to face Eric as best she could, belted into the seat. “Eric, that’s not my life, or my normal. I’m a *****, Eric. Very much a *****.”

“But, that was a Porter thing, right?”

“Eric, even if I’d never met Bette Porter, at some point I would have realized the truth. I am a *****. Can’t you understand that it’s better I found out before things went too far between us?”

“You have to admit, Tina. I’d make a dashing father.”

“No, I don’t have to admit that, Eric.” Tina rubbed at her forehead. Where did this man get these ideas?

“You, me, our little tow-headed baby.”

To that Tina let out a snort.

“What?” Eric was genuinely puzzled.

“Eric, this child was planned by Bette and I.”

“And?”

“To be a child that relfects Bette and I. That means, most likely, she will have beautiful mocha skin, curly dark hair, and expressive brown eyes.”

“Oh. I guess I didn’t really think of that.” He pondered that thought for a moment. “But you and Porter, is it all over?”

“I really don’t know.” Tina rubbed at her stomach. “In some ways, we came so far to get to this spot. Finding a donor. And then the miscarriage.”

“Miscarriage?”

Tina felt herself transported back to Dr. Wilson’s office. She had wanted to wait until Bette arrived. But the doctor had too many appointments that day to keep a room occupied, even if she could put off the appointment for later.

And it was with such happiness that Tina looked forward to the visit, looked forward to hearing the progress on their baby.

Dr. Wilson’s face was the first clue. Rather than the normal, studied expression, the doctor wore a look of concern.

“Tina, I’m going to ask you to wait a minute. I need to check on something.”

“Everything’s ok, right?” She couldnt help but catch the tension in the room coming from the doctor. And then, waiting in the empty room, alone, for what seemed like forever.

Another ultrasound, and Doctor Wilson broke the news to her as gently as she could. Failure to thrive. It was all so sterile sounding. So clinical.

It meant that her baby was no more. But that her child was still within.

With support from Doctor Wilson and one of the nurses, they made arrangements for the procedure the next day, the procedure that would remove that child.

And through it all, Tina stayed strong. For herself, and for Bette. She told herself that it wasn’t Bette’s fault, it wasn’t because she wasn’t there. This had just happened.

Still, she felt so alone. There, in the office. In the cab ride. Totally alone.

Only when she got home, into the house and the safe darkness of her bedroom could she let herself feel it all.

When Bette finally appeared, she offered comfort as she could. But there was little she could really do. The wounds were there. Within. Excising the child would not remove them.

The hurts ran deep, the pain was almost tangible.

No matter how many times Tina relived that moment. No matter how much she was comforted by the frequent movements of her baby within. The thoughts, the hurt remained. The fact that she had been alone hurt. Even worse, the knowledge that it could all happen again were enough to paralyze her with fear. It was this last thought that had the most power over her, and on which she chose not to dwell.

“Our first child. We lost him at fourteen weeks.” Tina collected her thoughts. “I think that’s one of the things that really brought out the difficulties for us.”

“I had no idea.”

“I know, Eric. And I don’t really want to publicize all of what’s happened between Bette and myself. But please, if you still care for me at all, stay out.”

“But, where does that leave you and Ms. Peabody, then, if there isn’t a you and Ms. Porter?”

“I don’t know. Honestly, I don’t know.”

“Bette wants a place with the child. But that means I have to trust her. Can I trust her?”

Eric pulled his car into Tina’s apartment complex. He got out, and went around the car to help her out. After he did, he gave her a small peck on the cheek. “I wish you the best, Tina.”

“I know.” The events of the evening left her drained, though. She couldn’t wait to get into her own bed, under the covers, and drift into sleep. “Good night, Eric.”

With that, Tina walked away, leaving Eric standing aside the idling car.

She had so much to do, including preparing for a grant recipients’ dinner with the Peabody Foundation. That was in a couple evenings. And she was thinking of some art outreach to run through the center. On top of all of that, there was the new apartment.

Then there was the baby. And Bette.

And in spite of all the mess, and the messiness, Tina found herself sitting in her living room, laughing. Somehow, the absurdity of the evening made perfect sense, given just what a mess her life had become.

Contemplating what now sufficed for normal, Tina prepared for bed and tucked herself in. Alone.

(this is the end, for now)