As Tina drove to the clinic, Bette closed her eyes. She felt tired and the cold breeze coming from the open window was calming her nerves. She didnt want to look at Tina, she was sure that if she did, shed ask her who it was on the phone. And she didnt need to ask who it was, she knew who it was, it was Helena. She knew it the moment she saw the look on Tinas eyes when she read the caller id. She knew Tina very well, and now that she was paying attention, she could read, as she used to, long time ago, every one of her emotions, every one of her faces.

Resting her head on the seat, Bette forced herself not to think. She repeated herself the important facts of the moment she was living. She was on her way to the doctors office with Tina, to see how the baby was doing. It was the first time for Bette and she was nervous. She was still getting use to know that Tina agreed for her to be a mother. She was going to have a baby. Up until very recently all her efforts were in winning Tina back but now, even when Tina was still her priority, she was spending a lot of time thinking, getting use to the fact that she was going to be a mom.

During the last days, as the doctors appointment was getting close she had been waking up at night thinking about the baby. Most of the times she didnt know, didnt remember what the dreams were about, she just knew that they had something to do with the baby. Was she ready? Was she going to be good enough? She also worried, even when she didnt want to even considerate it, she was fearing the possibility of them never being together again. That was what really scared Bette the most. Not just because she was sure, certain, that Tina was the love of her life but also because without Tina, she was not sure about herself as a parent.

Bette realized that she wanted kids just because she met Tina. Never before she imagined having a family. But then, knowing Tina, falling in love with her, imagining how it could be, she fell in love with the idea of having a family. The idea of having kids, to parent and love them, was something she loved to think about but always having Tina in the picture with her. Now, the thoughts, imagining it, was even more scarier. She knew she wanted the baby, she knew she was going to love the baby no matter what, but she also knew that a big part of the love she was already having for that baby was because it was Tinas baby. Because Tina was going to be the mother. Because, Bette was sure, the baby was going to have Tinas eyes, her kindness, her smile. Sighing, Bette felt her heart aching. Feeling Tina at her side, Bette wondered if Tina was or had been worried about it too, about their future as parents. It has been so long since they talked, since they planned this baby that Bette wasnt sure anymore of what Tina could be thinking. Lightly shaking her head she realized that it was absurd, it was in Tinas nature to be a mother, she was a natural. She was probably never worried. Unlike me, Bette told to herself.
“Are you ok?” Tina suddenly asked.

She had been observing Bette since they got in the car. There was something different in Bette. First, it was not like Bette not to care who was driving and then, seeing her with her eyes closed, quietly letting the breeze caress her face, Tina realized that that was certainly not something Bette was use to do. It was not like Bette to be so still, so calm, so quiet, so not in charge.

Opening the eyes, startled by Tinas words, Bette turned to look at her.

“Yeah…sure” she whispered.

Nodding, Tina looked ahead, back to the road. Biting her lips, Bette stopped the words fighting in her mouth to come out. She wanted to ask Tina, to confront her, to make her understand, to tell her, but then she remembered Shanes words. It was not about Tina anymore, It was about herself. She needed to forget and move on. And to move on she needed to be the person she wanted to be.

“You look so quiet… is everything all right at work?” Tina tried again.

“Yeah…things are getting better..Leo is not so bad…he is a jerk but he knows what he is doing..” Bette said.

Turning to look at Bette, Tina smiled, nodding.

“Helena says he is a genius” Tina found herself saying only to regret her words the moment she sensed Bettes body tensing.

Nodding, Bette looked through the window.

“Am sorry…” Tina whispered.

Turning, Bette quietly looked at Tina for a few long minutes before saying,

“Are you scared?”

“Scared?” asked Tina turning to look at Bette.

“About the baby…about the future”

Nodding, Tina looked at the road again.

“No…not really…I…we wanted this baby so much that…I dont know…I think is gonna be ok…” she said. The words carefully said with the sweetest tone.

Nodding, Bette added,

“Your are going to be a great mom, Tee”

Bette noticed how Tina deeply sighed before adding,

“You too, Bette”

Looking at the road again, drawing an invisible memory on the window with her finger, Bette whispered,

“Thanks”


***

Lying on the couch, listening to Bobby Darins cd, Tina remembered the days events. She was trying to calm down, to forget about the fight she had with Helena. It all started because just as she was leaving the doctors office Helena called wanting to see her. Tina didnt want to meet her just then, not because she didnt want to see her but because just then, she wanted to spend some more time with Bette. She felt like she needed to share those minutes with Bette. But she could not just say so to Helena, so she told her she had to do something first and then, maybe later, they could see each other. Helena didnt take it very well. She was harsh and without letting Tina explain, cut her out.

Bette, noticing it was Helena on the phone, walked away giving Tina some privacy. She too was on the phone, calling Kit to tell her about the baby. Tina noticed Bettes gesture but Helenas words didnt leave her much time to think about it. But it was now, hours later, lying on the couch that Tina thought about the day.

Everything was confusing. It wasnt just that for the first time she shared the appointment with Bette, it was most of all that it felt right. But that wasnt what was making Tina wonder, doubt and think. It was what happened at the appointment.

Listening to Bobby Darins “dream lover”, Tina remembered the look on Bettes face the moment she saw the babys heart beating. As it wasnt the first time for Tina, unconsciously she was more interested in Bettes reaction than in the babys heartbeat. Tina knew, could feel it, that the baby was ok. That was not worrying her. Bettes possible reaction wasnt exactly worrying her but she was curious. She was still getting use to share this baby with her, the future, the joy of the baby was something she got used to keep locked and hidden in her heart. But now Bette was there, she was there for the long run and Tina was curious.

But then Bettes look as the doctor announced, explained, what she was staring at, melted Tinas heart. It wasnt just that her reaction surprised Tina more than shed imagined. Staring at the monitor, Bette felt her eyes filled with tears. Dr Wilson then started explaining about the heartbeat, the babys body and how she could tell it was a boy…noticing the tiny difference, Bette smiled and then for the first time since the doctor turned the monitor on, she looked at Tina.

Looking at Tina, with her watered eyes, Bette suddenly, very slowly, whispering trembling thank yous, leaned down placing her lips on Tinas. Closing her eyes, without time to think, Tina let Bette rest her lips on hers for a long couple of seconds. Then, as unexpected as it started, Bette leaned backwards. Surprised, blushing a little, not knowing what to say, she whispered,

“Am sorry…is…”

Nodding, still surprised by Bettes reaction…still feeling Bettes sweet lips on hers, Tina mumbled looking at the monitor for the first time,

“Its a boy…I was so sure it was going to be a girl..”

“A boy…” whispered Bette staring at the monitor, noticing for the first time, how tight Tina was holding her hand.


***

Listening the loud music coming from the living room, noticing all the lights on, Shane crossed the garden towards Bettes. Knocking on the ajar door she took a look, hoping to find her. It seemed like no one was there, but then, coming from the bedroom, she saw Bette.

Bette, unlike any other time Shane could remember, was happily singing lost in her own world. Unaware of Shanes presence, Bette was singing Brian Hyland “Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie” while walking towards the kitchen. So lost she was in the song, in the silly dance she was dancing that she didnt see Shane till she was almost at her side.

“Hey!” Bette said, surprised.

“Hey… smiled Shane. “…you look festive!” she added walking inside

“Yeah” nodded Bette, blushing a little.

Opening the fridge, Bette took a couple of beers. Offering Shane one, she added, the words escaping hr lips as a prayer, as a dream.

“Its a boy…we are going to have a baby boy…”

“Wow…thats great, Bette”

“Yeah” Bette said, unable to erase the huge smile from her face.