Bette sat on the carpeted floor of the living room, soft music filling the empty darkness that loomed around her. The radio had been playing the most beautiful song she had ever heard. The lyrics were so similar to what thoughts had been running through her head ever since the moment that her whole life went wrong.

It had been a long three months since the night when her and Tina parted ways, and the acts that had taken place to leave Tina which such a hatred. That night had brought more pain to Bette than any other night, watching Tina cry and scream, trying to break free of the bonds of a failing relationship. Bette was the shell of a former human being ever since that night. Returning to the bedroom, the crime scene, brought tears and anger. She couldnt stand it. She couldnt be as strong as the song wanted her to be.

Her thresh hold for pain was dwindling down, everything hurt more and more than she would have liked to allow. She couldnt sleep at night without her thoughts rolling back to that night, and then as her eyes filled with tears she could do nothing but pull her legs to her chest and sob into the couch cushions that she had been calling a bed. She wanted it all to end, to stop.

The song played on, each word striking another shard of pain into Bette Porters lonely heart:


Cannot touch, Cannot hold, Cannot be together
Cannot love, Cannot kiss, Cannot love each other
Must be strong and we must let go
Cannot say what our hearts must know

How can I not love you
What do I tell my heart
When do I not want you here in my arms
How does one waltz away
From all of the memories
How do I not miss you when you are gone

Cannot dream, Cannot share sweet and tender moments
Cannot feel how we feel, Must pretend it’s over
Must be brave and we must go on, Must not say
What weve known all along

How can I not love you
What do I tell my heart
When do I not want you here in my arms
How does one waltz away
From all of the memories
How do I not miss you when you are gone

How can I not love you

Must be brave and we must be strong
Cannot say what weve known all along

How can I not love you
What do I tell my heart
When do I not want you here in my arms
How does one waltz away
From all of the memories
How do I not miss you when you are gone

How can I not love you
When you are gone


Bette didnt know if she had the emotional strength to let Tina go, she didnt even have the strength to draw each breath into her lungs. As the song faded to its end, Bette continued to cry salty tears of sadness, pain, loneliness and anger.

Once her eyes ran dry, Bette looked around at her home, her and Tinas home. She could not stay here any longer. It reminded her too much of her beloved, of the life they had, of the life they would no longer have.

With the sudden urgency to get out, Bette climbed to her feet and headed down the hall but slowed as she neared. She couldnt go in there. She couldnt enter the bedroom or else the wells would draw a new batch of tears which would burn her already reddened eyes.

Ill buy new stuff, Bette commented to the empty house jumping slightly at hearing the desolation in her own voice. She grabbed her bag from the living room and walked out the front door, not bothering to look back at the mess she was leaving behind.




*Tina*

Tina woke up once again to face another day without Bette lying beside her. It was for good reason though, Bette had betrayed Tinas trust and Bette expected Tina to come running back into her arms afterwards. How did things go so wrong?

Tina dreaded leaving her bed, and she rarely did so. After living with Alice for a few months, it was time for her to move on and find another place. Alice was a busy woman, and Tina had always felt like she was in the way; so she moved out to a hotel. It wasnt cheap, but she couldnt go back to the home that her and Bette once shared, it was too painful.

In the dead of night Tina often times found herself reaching for the woman, for her loving touch, for her beautiful smile, for her. Then she would think back to the night and remember why she had left her in the first place. Such memories brought feelings of rage upon Tina, which was odd because in truth, she was never one to be angry or hold a grudge.

~If only I could go back to her. If only it were that easy to forgive~ Tina thought, burrowing deep under the covers, but it didnt feel as good as it would have if Bette were there. She was forced to make a decision.

It was only a few moments before Tina was dressed and in her car, she knew exactly where she needed to go. It was early, but Bette would be at work. It was all she did. Driving up to the house, Tina noted the presence of Bettes car. The blonde didnt even think that anything might be wrong until she saw that the front door was ajar, and all the lights inside were on. She quickly rolled the car to a stop and removed the key, slowly and cautiously making her way towards the house.

Once inside, she immediately knew that Bette had left things exactly as she had. The room was a mess, blankets and pillows were crumpled into a ball on the couch, dirty clothes were strewn about and it smelled of rotting food.
This was not the way that Bette Porter lived.

Bette, Tina called, her voice echoing off the walls.

Silence responded.

Walking further into the house, the sound of static and voices kissed Tinas ears. She turned back towards the kitchen, noticing that the radio had been left on. She had been hearing the morning talk shows.

~Where is Bette~ Tina pondered, going down the hall until she reached the bedroom. She took the cold ***** in her hand and turned. A gasp fell from Tinas lips when she viewed the state of the room. It hadnt been changed since the night she left, nothing had been touched.

As if somebody had photographed the moment that Tina ran from the house and left Bette sitting up in bed, naked and breathing heavily as tears ran down her flushed cheeks and recreated the room to be exactly as it was before. The site made her sick to her stomach, and so she left the room and headed back to the living room.

A slip of white paper on the coffee table caught the corner of Tinas beautiful hazel eyes. Another tell tale sign of something wrong; Bettes laptop and cell phone were lying next to the piece of paper. She left her lifelines at home, now no one would have any way of finding her. With a sinking feeling and with shaking hands Tina picked up the paper and looked at it. It was written in Bettes neat handwriting:


~Im sorry. I cant do this anymore T. I know you hate me and you have every right to. I hate myself probably more than you do. You may not believe it but you are my lifeline, my heart and without you there is nothing. I left everything because where Im going I dont need it. I want you to have the house, have everything. You deserve it T. You deserve to the happiness that I ultimately failed to give you. Always remember that I love you.

Bette~



As she read, Tina felt her heart drop and her knees tremble. ~What the ***** is this~ Her previous thought that this stuff was her lifeline came back to Tina as she read the note. ~Bette thinks that I am her lifeline~

The realization hit Tina like a tidal wave. ~Bette is going to do something stupid and most of it is my fault~ She grabbed her keys and dashed down the front stairs, hopping into her car before speeding off with hopes of finding her lost lover.