Bette stared at the (BLEEP) in her hands, then back at her two friends.

Bette: Guys Im telling you this isnt Tinas (BLEEP).

Shane: How can you be sure? I mean it looks like her (BLEEP).

Bette: Because I just know Shane. Come on guys we cant go until we find Tinas real (BLEEP).

As Bette and Shane talked more about trying to find Tinas (BLEEP) in Helenas office, they lost track of Alice. They had been so engrossed in their conversation that no one cared to pay attention to their crazy ***** friend. Upon realizing that they had not heard a peep out of Alice in a while, both women turned to look for their Alice.

Bette: Oh *****!

Shane: What the?!

Alice: What?!

Alice stood there in front of her friends, painting her face black like a real Navy Seal on a covert mission.

Bette: What the ***** are you doing Al?

Alice: The gloves are off Bette. More than one (BLEEP)? This calls for the big gunssome serious thinking and some serious undercover tactics.

Shane: Yeah Al, but do you have to paint yourself black? And now what the ***** is that?

Alice: Too high tech for you to understand Yoda. Just stand back and let the master work.

Bette: Come on Al, this is a bit much dont you think?

Alice: Well if SOMEBODY didnt forget the damn key for the (BLEEP) we wouldnt have this problem now would we?!

Bette: Look Al, I already apologized to you earlier. How was I supposed to know that Helena would have replicas of the (BLEEP) in here? I mean what if there is more?

Alice: That is what we need to find out my friends. Now here yah go, put this on your face. We need to be undetectable.

Shane: Al, I think if we have been in here this long, we dont need face paint. I think we are fine.

Alice: Uhwhat ever.

Alice and Shane kept bantering back and forth about the black face paint as Alice continued to pull more gadgets out of her seemingly bottomless backpack. Bette was oblivious as to their conversation as she was lost in thought, in memory. She thought back to the day that she gave Tina the (BLEEP). It was such a special day, the day that Bette professed her love to Tina, and the day that she asked Tina to be with her forever. Who would have thought that things would turn out the way they did. But no matter what the situation, the (BLEEP) held a special place in Bettes heart, and no one, not even Helena Peabody was going to take the (BLEEP) away from the love of Bettes life.

Alice: Hello? Yo? Hey! Earth to Bette, earth to Bette!

Bette: Huh? What? Yeah?

Alice: What the *****?! Oh never mind. Come on, we got to find the right (BLEEP) and fast. Here, Bette you take this and go over there. Shane you got the far wall.

Alice pulled out a spelunking helmet and handed it to Shane. Shane gave her a funny look as Alice handed over to Bette a pair of thermal goggles.

Bette: What the ***** is this for Al?!

Alice: (pulling down a pair of night vision goggles) If we are to find the (BLEEP) we should look the part and at least use professional equipment to pull off this mission.

Shane: But Al, I really dont think these are necessary.

Alice: Did I ask you what you both thought? I didnt think so. Now I have done thorough research on break ins and spent a ton of money for this equipment, so you had better shut the ***** up and use it!

Shane: Yes sir!

Bette: Aye aye Captain!

Alice: Smart asses! Now get!

The girls scoured the office, using the equipment that Alice had painstakingly gathered for them, trying their best not to bust a gut laughing at each other and the get-ups that they were in. They looked high and low, tossing the office in a frantic scramble to find the real (BLEEP).

Bette in her ninja suit was gently tapping on the walls and making her way around the room, Shane, also in her ninja suit sans the skunk like blonde tuft of hair was doing the same at the other end of the room. Both women were making there way around the room, to eventually meet in the middle. Alice was crouched on the ground using all sorts of CSI like gadgets, scurrying around the floor like some Inspector Gadget wannabe.

All three women were so engrossed in what they were doing that none of them saw each other, and that could only mean one thingdisaster. They kept inching closer and closer toward each other when they heard a loud whistle.

Shane: Holy *****! What the ***** was that?

Bette: Were so busted!

Alice: Shut up!

Shane and Bette both turned in an effort to run but failed to see Alice between them. Both women tripped over Alice, kicking her in the gut, before crashing into each other head on. Alice was squashed to the ground as Bette fell on top of her and then Shane on top of Bette. All three women were a tangled mess of body parts.

Now panicked that the guard would come, the women began to wiggle around trying to get free so that they could run right out of there, or at the least dive under a table if someone came. Alice looked like a bug-eyed fish out of water as she flailed her arms and her legs to try and get out from under her friends. Her kicking and wiggling was shaking and tossing Shane and Bette all over the place, and in all actuality they looked like a Jell-O mold that some one had walked up to and smacked!

Shane finally got herself free of her friends and was beginning to stand when Alice kicked her legs again, hitting Shane and tripping her. Shane did a belly flop into the floor, taking a mahogany stand down with her. The stand hit the ground with a thud, landing right in the middle of a very expensive looking Persian rug. A hidden drawer in the stand popped open and out fell about a dozen (BLEEP)s.

All three women sat up and stared in wonderment at the (BLEEP)s scattered on the floor. Their eyes were as wide as saucers and their jaws had fallen on the ground once they saw that they had hit the jackpot.

Shane: What the *****? Theres so many of them.

Bette: *****, how are we gonna know which one it is now? And why the ***** does Helena have so many copies of Tinas (BLEEP) horded in here. She must be a complete whack job!

Alice: 1-I agree with you that Helena maybe a bit sick in the head. Given all these replica (BLEEP)s I would say she is a bit of a wacko. 2-Again I will say that if SOMEBODY had not forgotten the key, we would not have to worry so much about which (BLEEP) is the right one.
Bette: ***** Al I know. Now come on what are we gonna do?

Bette picked up a (BLEEP), stared at it and then turned to Alice with pleading eyes. Alice looked at Shane for help as she to stared at the (BLEEP)s in front of them.

Shane: I got it guys. (reaches into her ninja suit and produces two flasks of God knows what) I think we should all relax, calm down and clear our minds so that we can figure this out. A few swigs of this should do the trick.

Upon seeing the flasks that Shane had and hearing her logic, Alice suddenly got up and headed over to her backpack. She came back a few moments later, with something clutched in her hand.

Alice: I had planned to use this only in a case of an emergency, and I think that this qualifies as an emergency.

Alice uncurled her fingers to show the girls a neatly rolled joint, a fatty that was filled with Alices famous happy grass.

Bette: Oh ***** no Al. What they ***** do you think youre doing?

Alice: Well seeing as how we are trapped in here until we figure this out, we might as well mellow out like Shane said so that we can figure out which (BLEEP) is the right one so we can get the ***** out of here.

Bette: Well you two can go ahead. I will stick to Shanes magic juice.

Alice: Suit yourself. Shall we Shane.

The three women passed the dutchie and those flasks around, all pondering the problem and getting drunker and higher by the minute. Bette was drunk as a skunk and high from all the smoke her friends were producing, and Alice and Shane were in the same condition. They were all staring at the (BLEEPS) and smiling at the shiny objects in front of them, looking like kids in a candy store. All was quiet, until


TBC