Alice: I GOT IT!!!!

Shane: Got (hehehe) what?

Bette: Yeah Al, got (hiccup) what?

Alice: Bette you need to use the force. Use the force and you will find it. Yeah thats it use the force.

Shane: heheheheYeah Bette, the force, the force.

Bette: Huh? Ok

Bette took one last swig from one of the flasks, crossed her legs, placed her hands in a praying position in front of her, inhaled deeply and closed her eyes.

Bette: Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Bette looked like a total dork in her drunken and high meditating state, and her friends were trying not to laugh at her. They couldnt believe that she was actually trying to use the force, and figured, what the hellthey might as well give it a shot too.

Alice: Ummmmmmmmmmmm.

Shane: Ummmmmmmmmmmm.

Bette: Ummmmmmmmmmmm.

Bette thought back to all the happy times that she had with Tina. She thought back to the day that she gave Tina the (BLEEP) and then back a little further to when she had the (BLEEP) commissioned. All of a sudden, it hit herfull force!

Bette: It worked! It worked! The force worked! Al, quick do you have one of those eye thingies that the jewelers use to see small things? You got everything else. Come on you have to have one.

Alice: I dont know Bette. Let me check!

Bette: Well hurry, hurry.

Shane: Yeah come on Al before Bette loses the force! She might succumb to the magic juice and happy grass. Keep the force Bette, keep the force!

Alice scurried to her backpack and returned again. This time she dove onto the hardwood floors, sliding like Shamu across the floor and toward the girls.

Alice: Sorry, I been wanting to do that since we got here.

Bette: Well?

Alice: You are in luck pally. I just happen to have found one on the bottom of the bag.

Shane: Well hurry up and give it to her Al.

Alice gave Shane a cold stare as if to say, ***** off then quickly turned and handed the eyepiece to Bette. Bette placed the piece snugly against her and began to pick up each (BLEEP) and examine it. A few minutes had passed when finally Bette shouted, startling her two friends.

Bette: I GOT IT I GOT IT I GOT IT!!!!! I found the (BLEEP).

Alice: About time Porter. That took you long enough.

Bette: ***** you Al.

Alice: Been there, done that.

Shane: Al, will you lay off of her and shut up?! (turns to Bette) Are you sure that this is Tinas (BLEEP) Bette? I mean are you absolutely sure?

Bette: Yes it is. I just know it. I can feel it and I found what I was looking for to confirm it.

Alice: And that is?

Bette: Well when you two potheads said to use the force, I began to think back. I thought about all of the happiest times for Tina and I, going through each one.

Alice: Yeah yeah yeah. Get to it will yah.

Bette: Fine. I will skip the details. Anyway, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, I was thinking back to the happy times between Tina and I.

Alice: Yeah you said that already!

Bette: Ahem. Excuse me? Would you like to tell this story?

Alice: No

Shane: Then shut the ***** up.

Bette: Thanks Shane. Anyway, I got to thinking about what I used the (BLEEP) for and when I gave Tina the (BLEEP). Then I rememberedwhen I commissioned the (BLEEP) to be made, I had just one request.

Shane: And that was?

Bette: That the maker include a tiny laser inscribed engraving. Right here.

Alice: Where? I cant see anything.

Bette: Thats because its virtually invisible to the naked eye. Here use this and look right there.

Alice took the eyepiece from Bette and looked at the spot that she had been instructed to look.

Alice: It says, Tina & Bette, two hearts beating as oneforever

Shane: Awwwwww.thats sooooooo cute!

Bette: Yeah and completely unique. So here is the real (BLEEP).

Alice: Finally! Well we had better clean this ***** up and get the ***** out of here.

The trio scrambled around, picking up all the phony (BLEEP)s and doing their best to clean up so that they would be untraceable. Shane even walked over to retrieve her skunk patch that had been ripped out upon their arrival. Bette, being Bette, made sure that everything was in place, while Alice stood by the window and began whistling, the signal to Dana and Jenny that they were about to make their exit.

Alice reached in and grabbed a grapple and rope from her bag, attached it to the windowsill and began climbing out.

Alice: Come on guys. Follow right after me, we have to make this quick.

Shane: But Al?

Alice: No buts. Get your asses over here.

Bette: Al?

Alice: I dont wanna hear any excuses. No Im scared of heights or Owww, my back hurts. No bullshit, get over here and rappel down this rope. Pronto!

Bette: Suit yourself.

Shane: Yeah suit yourself.

Alice ignored them and began to climb further out the window. In the meantime, Bette and Shane made there way toward the next window and climbed right out, onto a fire escape. They tried to stifle their laughter as they watched their crazy ***** friend struggle with the rope to descend the outer wall. Shane and Bette made it down the fire escape and joined Dana and Jenny in watching the wacked out blonde dangle around on the rope like an idiot.

Finally reaching bottom, Alice unhooked herself and looked up at the open window.

Alice: Where the ***** are they?

Bette: Boo!

Alice: What the *****! How the *****? Did you guys fly?

Shane: Nope. We took the easy way out.

And with that Shane pointed toward the fire escape. They all shared a good, but quiet laugh at Alices expense before quickly climbing into the van. As they drove back toward Bettes place, Alice and Shane were excitedly telling Jenny and Dana about their great adventures in Helena Peabodys office. While her friends were talking, Bette clutched the (BLEEP) tightly, a tear forming in the corner of her eye.

Bette: Soon Tina, soon you will get your (BLEEP) back.

A few hours later, back at central command, Bette puts an excited phone call into Tina, asking here to come by.

Tina came by shortly after that. She was greeted by a warm welcome from here friends, but could not help but look at them with a funny expression on her face. She thought she was coming over for an impromptu get together, but instead was greeted by 2 ninjas, a navy seal wannabe and two thug wannabes with black ski masks.

Tina: What the heck is going on here?

Bette: Ummmm, nothing.

Alice: Yeah just a pre pre pre Halloween dry run of costumes.

Tina: Uh, Al? Its April.

Alice: Yeah that is why I said pre pre pre. And see its a good thing we did this. Because now Bette and Shane and Dana and Jenny know not to dress alike.

Shane: Yeah what she said.

Tina: Ok. I wont even ask why you have a bald spot and why Alice is painted black. So whats up?

The gang all sat down and cracked open a few 40s, forgoing the usual wine, since this was a party. They chatted and laughed till their sides hurt, just like the good old days. The sun was already beginning to come up and the gang was still partying. Bette made her way over to Tinas side and smiled at her.

Bette: T?

Tina: Yeah?

Bette: I got something for you.

Tina: You do?

Bette reached into her ninja suit and pulled out the (BLEEP). Tinas eyes grew wide as Bette revealed it to her. She gently put the (BLEEP) into Tinas hands and sat back with the rest of the girls, enjoying the look of happiness on Tinas face.

Tina: But how? Where? When?

Bette: Dont worry about it T. The main thing is that it is back in your hands now, where it belongs.

With that said Bette leaned in and place a small delicate kiss on Tinas lips, before leaning back, along with the rest of the heist crew. This was sure to be one memory that would last forever.

Tina: Thank you so much. But you will have to tell me one day how you managed it?

Alice: Well what if we say that Helena gave it to us?

Tina: I wouldnt believe you.

Shane: Well then lets just say, it was a steal.

Tina shook her head as the rest of the girls erupted in laughter. At that very instant, across town, Helena was getting into her office. She felt something different, and went directly over to the stand that had housed Tinas (BLEEP). She opened the drawer and counted the (BLEEP)s in therethere was one missing

Helena: (Looking skyward) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!


The End


SO HAVE YOU FIGURED IT OUT YET? MUWAHAHAHA!!