Shane was busy cleaning up her house. She knew that Dana hated clutter. She really was a pain in the ***** like that. But if she was wanted Dana to stay, she knew she had to make it a little better. Dana could end up waking up in cold sweats, seeing a loose sock on the floor. And she really did want Dana to stay. She knew that if Dana was there, she would have time to try to talk some sense into her. Shane knew that Dana was making a huge mistake. Fear is a strong thing. Shane knew that better than anyone. Just how paralyzing fear could be was overwhelming. But Shane also knew the ramifications of letting that fear stop your life. She knew it first hand and that was bad enough. But she also knew it from Tina. They still spoke a few times a week. But her friends didnt know that Tina came home once, ready to try again with Bette. Even if not to try, but to talk to her and at least get her back in her life, but things didnt work out as planned. Shane remembered holding Tina that night, trying to convince her to go talk to Bette.

~~~

Shane went to pick Tina up at the airport. She lost the argument with Tina to tell Alice and Dana, even if she couldnt tell Bette, that she was coming back into town. But Tina didnt want to see anyone yet. It had been three years since shed been home and she needed some time to adjust first. Shane was waiting at the gate when she heard over the loudspeaker that Flight 653, from JFK to LAX will be deplaning in a few minutes at gate C3. She tried to act all nonchalant and cool waiting. But she was so excited. It had been too long since Tina was here. The girls went out to see Tina a few times in Manhattan, but having her here was different. There was a hope to it. She wanted to see Bette. Both had been a shell of their former selves with the other one. Shane had never given up hope that they would find a way to back to each other.

Shane nearly knocked down a little kid trying to get around him when she had seen Tina come off of the flight. Damn she looked good. She was a little infatuated with Tina. *****, everyone was. Tina and Shane wrapped each other in a long, warm hug. Damn T, it is so good to see you here. LAX never looked more right. Shane pulled away, a little embarrassed at the remark she made and grabbed Tinas bag.

Where to? Do you have bags checked or is this it?

Hey Shane, Slow down. Let me look at you. As she looked Shane up and down. She looked the same. Same messed up hair, still a little to thin. But she looked good. Happy. Her eyes had life in them. Wow, I cant wait to see Carmen again. She does wonders for you. You look great.

Um, yeah, well see her later. I wish you had gotten to know her before you left. So, baggage claim or home?

No bags, but Im not ready to go home yet. I dont want to see anyone. Can we drive a round a bit? I want to get my bearings back, you know?

Yeah, T, Of course. Anywhere in particular? Shane said, while putting her hand on Tinas and giving her a reassuring look.

Thanks, Shane. How about lets just drive along the old haunts, huh? Get a look at my old life. Just not the house. I cant see the house.

Sure T. Well just drive for a bit.

They drove along in silence for a while. Tina was lost in memories and Shane saw the look in Tinas eyes and didnt want to intrude. Every few minutes, she would look over and make sure that Tina was ok. As they turned onto the street where The Planet was, Shane looked at Tina and saw that there were tears flowing down her cheeks.

Tina, uh, T, are you ok? she said as she pulled the truck over.

Looking away from Shane and wiping her tears away. Oh Shane, Im sorry. I wanted to be strong but this is so hard. I thought itd been long enough. But his place, it hold so many memories. So much of my life.

Shane took off her seatbelt and pulled Tina into an embrace. T, come on. Dont do this to yourself. Its ok. Youre allowed to be sad. You had a life here and you ran away from it. Its gonna be hard to face it. I am so happy youre here and so proud of you for coming.

Tina put her head on Shanes shoulders, You know she said trying to smile through her tears, Alice, was right, you are Yoda. Ive missed you. Youre the one who always tries to be so strong and indifferent but you always know what to say. Ive missed your insights and friendship. Thank you, Shane. For coming to get me and not letting anyone know. Im not ready, maybe tomorrow. This is just hard, you know.

Shane looked at her softly, nodding her head. I know, T. Im just glad youre here. So, if you dont mind my asking, what brought you here? Why now?

Tina lifted her head from Shanes shoulders and looked at her for a second, then turned and looked out the window at the Planet. Well, its been a little over three years. When I left, I thought it was only going to be for a few months, you know. Clear my head. Learn how to be Tina again, not Bette and Tina. I did learn how to be me, but it didnt get easier. It still hurt so much. I couldnt believe that she would cheat on me. She was such a principled woman. I knew that she wasnt as perfect as she wanted everyone to think she was. But to ***** up that badly, I never expected that. Shane just kept quiet, looking at Tina as she spoke. Her heart was breaking for her friend.

And the more I thought about it, the more I blamed myself. I knew she was cracking under the pressure. And I didnt do anything to help her. I was still reeling from the miscarriage and angry with Bette. Not for anything real or tangible, but it was so much easier to personalize things and get angry with her then to deal with the loss of our baby.

So the months kept coming and I kept hiding. I dated a few people. Even a guy She eyed Shane to see if she was ok with that confession. If she reacted, she hid it well, so Tina continued.

Some of them were good people. We hit it off. I laughed. It felt good to laugh again, Shane. But when it came down to it, no one made it to a fourth date. That was my unwritten law. I couldnt sleep with any of them. It felt so wrong. I felt like I was betraying her. Can you believe it? After all that happened, after all that time

Yeah, I can believe it T. You loved her. You promised her forever. And I dont know anymore more loyal or true to her word than you. It makes perfect sense.

Tine just smiled at her friend, touched by her words. Yeah, well. Thats what brings me here. I cant get on with my life without her. A few months turned into a few years. I havent been able to move on and I havent been able to go back. So Im here, to figure it out once and for all. I cant live like this anymore. Im in limbo.

Shane was trying hard to hide the smile coming to her face. She knew that Bette still loved Tina and now, maybe, finally, they can work it out. Well, I think its great Tina. Bette will be happy to see you. *****, shell be ecstatic. She still asks about you. Not as much as she used to, it hurt too much, but she asks with hope and love in her eyes.

Really, you think shell still want to see me?

Without a doubt. You want me to bring you there now?

Tina was shaking her head. I think I need to do this on my own. Can we go to your place and can I just borrow your car?

Sure thing. Lets go.

They drove in silence to Shanes place. When they got there, Shane moved out of the car and went to the passenger door to open it for Tina. But Tina wouldnt move. Im scared Shane. Its been so long. What if she doesnt want to see me? What if shes dating someone?

T, relax. She will want to see you. Im sure of it. And she isnt dating anyone seriously. She goes out on random dates and well, it almost sounds like your story, except for the guys. Shane looked at Tina and gave her a big smile and raised her eyebrows at her on that comment.

Tina laughed lightly, I was beginning to think, you didnt notice I said it. OK, I can do this. She got out of the truck, took the keys and gave Shane a big hug. Thank you, I needed a little support. She was walking to the drivers door when Shane ran up to her.

Wait, Tina, wait a sec.

What is it?

Shes not there anymore. She moved. I almost forgot to tell you. Its been so long since she moved.

Sadly, Tina responded, She sold the house?

No, no. She could never bring herself to sell the place. Its still hers, well yours. But after you left town, she said she couldnt live there without you. That she wouldnt live there until you came back to her.

Really, I didnt know.

How could you? You both asked us not to tell the other about what you were doing. I am surprised Alice managed to keep her mouth shut. Shane was grinning as she said it.

Laughing, Tina said Every once in a while, she can keep herself quiet, at least for her friends. So where is Bette?

She has a place by the water. Here, Ill write down the directions. You still remember the roads around here, right? You havent been gone that long?

Funny, McCutcheon. Yes, I can find my way. Shane wrote down the directions and gave them to Tina, then gave her one more hug. Its damn good to see you T. Really. Itll go great. Ill leave the door open for you, come whenever you need. Maybe not till tomorrow.

One step at a time. Thanks Shane. Ill see you later. Wish me luck.

Tina drove to Bettes. It seemed like it only took seconds, but she sat in the parking lot of the condominiums for about ten minutes. Too scared to move. She walked up to the building, reading the signs looking for the right number. As she saw the sign pointing her towards #12, she heard Bettes voice. She turned around and saw her. She looked good. She had lost weight. But she looked good. To Tina, no one had ever looked better. But then she saw that Bette wasnt alone. There was a woman with her. Holding her hand. I thought Shane said she wasnt seeing anyone. Tina went to hide move from view. She just watched Bette walk towards her door. Tina was trying to convince herself to go up to her and talk to her, but then she saw Bette kiss that woman. A deep, passionate kiss. A tear fell down her cheek as she watched Bette disappear into her apartment with some woman.

Tina ran back to Shanes truck and drove back to Shanes place. She walked up to the door and knocked softly. Carmen answered the door with a huge smile. Tina, Im so glad to see you. Shane is so happy youre here. Noticing that Tina hadnt responded or even looked up, Whats wrong, come in. Come in, Tina.

Tina walked into the apartment and looked for Shane. As soon as she saw her, she ran into Shanes arms and stated crying.

Whats wrong? What happened? Tina, youre scaring me. What happened?

I was too late. She was with someone. I got there and there was some woman kissing her.

Carmen looked at Shane, Hon, I think tonight was that blind date she had. You know the artist that James set her up with, Robin I think.

Oh *****. Tina. Oh my god. Im so sorry. I dont how I forgot. I was just so happy you were here. Oh *****. But listen, Tina, it was jut a first date. Its nothing.

No Shane. You didnt see them. I remember that look on Bette. I know its been a long time, but I know Bette Porter and I know what that look is. She used to look at me like that. It might have been a first date, but it wasnt nothing. Bette has feelings for that woman. I just came too late. What was I thinking, coming here three years later thinking I could come here like nothing had happened?

Carmen walked over to them and put her hands on Tinas shoulder, Tina, I didnt get to know you and Bette, just Bette after you. And I have to tell you, it wasnt pretty. That woman loves you. She has never stopped, its obvious. Why dont you have Shane call her and tell her youre here and then you guys can talk?

No, Carmen, no, I cant. I cant get hurt by her again. I was foolish to come here.

Shane and Carmen stayed up with Tina till the early hours. Talking, comforting not to mention trying damn hard to convince her to talk to Bette. But by the time they all went to bed, Tina wouldnt relent. In the morning, Tina asked to borrow the car again, to take care of something but she wouldnt say what. When she returned, she told Shane that she changed her return ticket and asked Shane to please take her to the airport.

In the truck, Tina was quiet. She was just quietly crying. Tina, please. Just let me call her. I know shell want to see you.

No Shane. I cant. I dont want to do this again with you ok? I appreciate what you are saying and for being there. But I just want to go home.

You are home Shane said, somewhat spitefully. Know what, fine, just leave again. Whatever.

Shane, I need my life back. I got the closure I needed. Now I can start my life again.

If you got the closure you needed, why are you leaving? She asked through tears.

This isnt home anymore. OK, My life is in NY now. Im sorry I left the first time. But NY is my home now. No matter where I am youre my family, you know that right? Even if Im not here everyday, youre my family.

Shane replied, somewhat despondently, Yeah, T, family.

Im serious Shane. I dont ever want you to think I abandoned you. I will never be that person. You are my family. Sometimes in life, we get lucky enough to meet people who become our chosen family, not just blood. Just remember that. When you doubt people, because as great as Carmen has been for you, I know you doubt it sometimes. Remember, I chose you as my family.

I love you Tina.

I love you too, Shane. Come on, you and the girls are coming out in three months. Well have fun. Thank you for everything.

Shane was beating herself up for not picking up the phone and telling Bette that Tina was there. She knew she shouldnt interfere, but if she didnt, these two stubborn women would never find their way back to each other. In the end, she gave in to Tinas wishes never telling Bette that Tina had been there.

~~~

Walking around her apartment picking up the stray socks, *****, I cant do this again. I wont watch two more of my friends ***** up their lives out of fear.

Lilly walked out of the kitchen, What was that, sweety?

Nothin just talking to myself. Hey, can you grab that bag and throw it in the closet for me?

Are you still cleaning? This is your place. If Dana doesnt like how you keep it, she can go to a hotel.

Stop it Lilly. Youve been bitching about this since I told you.

Yeah, well, were going out tonight. She is going to come with us and then come home with us. I wasnt planning on having company, if you know what I mean?

My friend needs me. She is hurting. I wont abandon her. She has been there for me more times than I can count. And yes, she is going to come out with us. And we are going to cheer her up. That the deal, got it?

Yeah, I just dont like it. But if thats what you want

“Listen, that is what I want. And Dana can stay here as long as she wants and she is welcome wherever I go if she doesnt want to be alone. This is my place. You dont live here. If you dont like it, leave. Shes my friend. That comes before anything. Got it?

Before us?

There is no us, Lilly. Weve been of a few dates, thats it. So yeah, before us.

You really can be a *****, Shane. If thats what you think, then Im outta here. And when I leave, Im not coming back.

Whatever. Just go then. Shane dismissed Lilly. Lilly looked back at Shane, expecting her to fight for her, but that wasnt going to happen, so she just turned and left. That was easy enough. Damn three dates and she thinks theres an us. Please. Carmen had been around for years and Shane still couldnt call them an us.

Shane reached for the phone and called the familiar number. She knew that Dana would be here any minute so she wanted to get this call in first.

Hello?

Hey, it me.

Shane. How are you? Why are you calling me in the middle of the day?

Its not the middle of the day here. Listen, Dana did something stupid and I need your help.

What, what did she do. Is she ok? Is Alice ok?

Listen, Dane left her last night.

What?!?! She left Alice? What the ***** is she thinking?

Pretty much what you were thinking when you left here a few years ago Tina. I need you to come home. You need to talk some sense into her. You know what living based fear can do to your life. Please?

Shane. I dont want to see Bette. I dont know if I can. Cant I just call her or something?

No, its not the same. Youve been gone for five years now. Ive never pushed you to come to LA. If Im asking, I need it. Come on, Tina. You told me once that I was your family, your chosen family, well Dana and Alice are too. We are all one family. And that family needs you.

Sighing as she spoke, Let me see if I can get a few days from work. No promises, but Ill try, but what about Cara?

Just bring her. Shell love sunny California? Thanks, T, knowing that youll try, thats all I needed to hear. Shane heard the front door open, Listen Dana is here, I gotta go. Thanks Tina. Call me with details.

Shane looked at a crying Dana and went up to her and hugged her. Itll be ok Dane. Really it will. Fully meaning what she said. She knew that was this family needed, was Tina and if she said shed try, that meant shed be there.