She doesnt really know why shes standing there. In the busy chaos that shes beginning to think is strictly Los Angeles. She looks across the street, unnerved still even after three days at the presence of both a supermarket and a ***** shop lining the busy strand right next to each other. Things werent like that in North Carolina. NOWHERE near like that in North Carolina.

Daria Harris smiles to herself. The dissimilarities are good things. After 23 years, she hadnt known how much more of North Carolina she could take. Daria shivers as she thinks about it. A childhood, a high school education, even a college career – all wasted painfully in the oft-slow moving, ignorant, bible-thumping atmosphere of the South. Not that she hates the bible or God for that matter – but the people, thats a whole other story.

Daria has been in Los Angeles for going on three days, six hours, and fourteen minutes. And, feeling the humidity-less heat beating down upon her on this hot July afternoon, while she doesnt know why shes here, she does remember what she told her mother.

Work was the only way her over-protective mother, Joann, would buy a move, however brief, to notorious West Hollywood – known, particularly now, for its wild nature and deviant lifestyles.

The independence bug hit Daria almost as soon as she graduated from college with thirty-thousand dollars in loans and a piece of paper that basically said she could take real good pictures and critique movies. The film portion of her B.F.A. hadnt really interested her as much as the photography part of it. During the latter part of her senior year, Daria concentrated almost exclusively on beefing up her portfolio and was very proud of her work. She was best at black and white prints and really got into developing and mounting during the year-long stay at her mothers place after graduation. But, despite the self-affirmed talent and the need to be on her own, Daria found leaving a very elusive thing. She got a part-time job at the local news station, one she was sure her mother would be quite satisfied with if she were to keep it her whole life – as long as it kept her daughter near her. The job wasnt something Daria would called fulfilling, but it payed the bills all the same.

It wasnt until a very surprising visit from her mothers estranged first cousin, Lenore, that the idea of moving to Los Angeles became a possibility in her mind. Daria met Lenore once before when she was very young. Her father had just died and as a way to get her mind off of it, her mother took her to New York. Lenore was in an off-Broadway production of Annie Get Your Gun at the time and suggested that Daria spend some time with her daughter, Alice, who was a junior at Columbia. Alice was very cool, showing Daria around for a few days and, amazingly, treating her with as much respect and consideration as any adult. The memory of those strange but awesome three days stuck in Darias mind even now.

Lenore had aged a bit upon seeing her this second time. She still was as flamboyant and fabulous as ever, but you could tell that the years were winding down. She was shooting a film in a small town near Raleigh where Daria and her mother lived and thus paid a brief visit. Lenores gushing about Alice and her high profile job at LA Magazine plus her new radio show caused Joann to gush about her daughter and her B.F.A. Lenore was impressed and went on and on about the greater opportunities for someone like Daria in Los Angeles and how much Daria had to absolutely go out there and that she would call Alice immediately to see what she could do.

Daria was thirteen all over again. Same situation, different time. She didnt expected more to come of it, though the idea would not leave her mind. Los Angeles meant something to her, more than just its weather or its glamour. To Daria, Los Angeles mean getting away and possibly being herself for the very first time in her life.

Daria knew she was ***** since she could first remember. It was something that seemed so natural until it came to her attention that it was wasnt. She tried to be attracted to boys, but found nothing in the opposite ***** that was appealing or worthwhile. Boys were loud, rude, stupid – and while most girls probably think that until the hormones kick in, Daria found that even through and after puberty, her eye wandered exclusively to girls.

There was never really any moment of denial of this fact. But she was smart enough to know that mentioning such a leaning was like a death sentence from where she grew up. Her mom would never accept it. The community would be worse.

Daria had many schoolgirl crushes, especially during high school, but she was so paranoid of being found out that she made it a point to be rude to those girls that she did like. If she found herself looking a little too long at someone, shed turn that half-smile into a frown of disgust. Most of her crushes probably thought she was a complete *****, but that was okay as long as they didnt find out she was *****. If anyone had known Daria as well as a few of her friends thought they did, they would have immediately caught onto the fact that the people she talked less about, looked less at, and refused to share company with were the people she liked the most.

Hiding became a way of life as normal as drinking a cup of tea for breakfast in the morning. But Los Angeles offered a new reality. If there was any place she thought would be accepting of who she was, it was Los Angeles (or maybe New York, but Los Angeles had better weather). It was no secret that it was very okay to be ***** in LA.

So, Alice said yes. Daria could come to stay with her for a little while. Either that or Lenore forced her, but either way, in the middle of July, Daria was on a plane to Los Angeles with a place to stay, money from her savings to spend, and an internship at the same L.A. Magazine that employed Alice.

She stands on the sidewalk now, but shes actually been in L.A. for three days. She hasnt called her mother to confirm that she has either landed or made it safely to Alices. She hasnt contacted Alice to relay the same information, nor has she been to Alices house until this very moment as she crosses the street to get to the apartment on a surprisingly residential street.

Daria Harris has been virtually missing in action for three days.

At LAX, she took one look around and nearly cried. She had never been away from home for more than a few days. Now she would be away for at the least a month, at the most (and if things worked to her favor) for a long time to come. The culture shock nearly killed her. She wanted to go home, but she didnt want to at the same time. So, she did the one thing that seemed (at the time) sane. She checked into a hotel near the airport and hid. It occurred to her on day two that maybe it wasnt a grand idea to go missing, that eventually someone would come looking for her. It took one more day for her to get the courage to leave and get on with what she had come to do.

Thats where she is now. Outside the trendy apartment building, buzzing to be let up.

~~~~~~~


Hi. Alice? she asks, though shes pretty sure that the short blonde woman standing in the doorway, who had also buzzed her up and whos apartment number corresponds perfectly with those in the directions crumpled in her hand, can be no one else.

Alice squints behind cute reading glasses before remembering and removing them, still looking surprised.

Daria?
Yeah.
Oh, my God! Alice yells, but not in a good, glad-to-see-you way. More like the what the ***** kind of way.
What the *****!? Oh, my God! She punches Daria hard in the arm. Twice. Daria flinches and hopes there isnt more to come – or that this isnt some form of weird California greeting. She musters a characteristically sheepish smile, hiding behind the fringe of her shaggy haircut.

Dar??! Alice continues with disbelief at an unnecessary high pitch. What the *****? You should have been here like three days ago. Where have you been?

Daria tries to find the words, but how can she tell her big shot Los Angeles cousin that she was just a little scared of the hugeness of it all. Shes twenty-four for crying out loud. An adult. A functioning member of society. But all the same when she stepped off her plane at LAX and saw all the people and the vastness of just the airport, she felt that familiar sinking feeling. The one that meant maybe she didnt fit. The feeling that had thus far followed every step of her life.

No, Alice cant understand that. So, Daria does what she does best when she knows no one will understand or appreciate her answer. She shrugs.

What do you mean, ehh? Alice imitates Darias lazy movement with amazing similarity. Ive been worried sick. Your moms been calling. *****. Nobody knew where you were. What the *****?

What Daria really wants to ask right now, however inappropriate given Alices obvious state of worry, is whether ***** is something you were required to use in every sentence or whether its a personal decision. Instead she shrugs again and answers in the low rasp that has been her voice since she could remember.

Sorry. Look, its nothing, Alice. Im here, right? I was just..hanging out.
Hanging out?

Alice takes a step back and looks at the cousin she hasnt seen for ten years; since Alice herself was rocking it out in college. Theyd both been much younger then. Alice gives Daria a once-over, realizing that the timid thirteen year old that shed taken to the movies and hung out with for a few days at Lenores request; another unsurprisingly half-assed attempt of her mother to reconnect with what she referred to as the unfortunate half of their family, the southern relatives. Alice didnt want to do it, but Daria actually turned out to be pretty cool for a kid. Always quiet but very smart, if she remembers correctly.

Now, the former gangly teenager with braces standing before her has turned into quite the lady. Taller than Alice by at least a foot, a body that was in the last stages of baby-fat loss. Gone were the braces – replaced by the brilliant shine of a cosmetically perfect smile. Darias light brown hair is stylishly trimmed, but one thing hasnt changed. She still wears her hair over her face, covering half of a creamy, freckled complexion. A single, brilliant green eye glances at Alice then quickly scans around the apartment behind her nervously.

Alice softens her expression, realizing that as much as someone might grow up, there were some things that cannot be changed. She figures that her worry and ultimate relief at seeing the green-eyed beauty on her doorstep is not doing very much of making Daria feel welcome in her home. Alice pushes all thoughts of the past three nights spent juggling phones between Lenore and Joann, urging her to call the FBI and put out an APB or whatever to the back of her mind.

Hey, you know. Hanging out? Sure. Good enough for me.

Alice pulls her cousin into a fierce hug. Im just glad youre here already.

When they pull apart, Daria seems a lot less tense. She smiles again, this time genuinely and warmly.

Well, dont stand out there. Come in. Tell me everything. Are you excited?

Alice picks up the bags laying near Darias feet, carrying them into the house without a glance back to see if shes being followed. Daria loses sight of her briefly when she turns a corner, but her excited questions can be heard loud and clear. When Daria herself clears the corner, she finds Alice standing there smiling and practically jumping with excitement.

Daria smiles. She doesnt remember her older cousin this way, but then again, those memories are a little fuzzy from time gone by. The Alice she remembers was definitely not chipper. She was grungy with an attitude that Daria found so cool at the time. Plus, she had her own band which Daria had gotten to see perform in one of the colleges auditoriums. Shed stood backstage like a groupie and rocked to music she knew nothing about, but thought was so deep and moving.

Daria glances around the apartment, taking in Alices home the way she takes in all new environments. Her photographers eye has a way of condensing whole lives into one strategically-composed shot. Living spaces are, naturally, especially sensitive to the imprints that people tend to leave just by leading their lives. By the looks of Alices apartment, this is not the girl shes idolized for the better part of middle school. This Alice is definitely an adult, something that Daria is feeling less and less of despite her age. Things are different, but again, thats good. Daria hopes she isnt the same person she was ten years ago.

Are you hungry? Cause I was going to the Planet. I was waiting for Dana to call, but then, you know, you were missing and I was supposed to be waiting and I didnt want leave and have you show up without me here, so its good timing that you came now because Dana hasnt called yet. But I am starving.
I could eat. Whos Dana? And whats the Planet?
Its this little caf in WeHo. Owned by a good friend of mine. Danas my girlfriend. Alices small smile at the mention of the name is not lost on Daria. Her voice does a light, airy little lilt at the word girlfriend and its so obviously love. Suddenly, it hits Daria that maybe she is intruding majorly on her cousins life. What if this Dana lives here? What if they are like this intense couple that want their privacy and Daria is this awkward third wheel? She can feel the panic coming on, that sense that maybe this last place she thinks for once shell fit in, will not be the place for her.

Darias thoughtful frown isnt lost on Alice.

Lenore did tell you I had a girlfriend, didnt she? That Im bi. Thats not a problem, is it?
No, no, of course not. I knew. Ahm…you had a girlfriend when I came to visit in New York, remember? She was in your band.
Oh, was that then? Alice lets out a little chuckle at the memory. Wow, I dont even remember. It has been a long time. So its alright, then?
Yeah, I, ahm…no, Im cool with it.
Good, cause this is West Hollywood. *****-central.
I know, Daria says in a hushed voice as she looks down quickly.

I know. Thats why Im here, she wants to say, but those words stay on her lips. North Carolina had conditioned her not to talk about it. There was no way to be out in public and still retain the image of who you were in peoples minds, to not be narrowed down into the singularity of your sexuality. There was a preconceived perception that you were straight and straight equaled normal, healthy, worthy. Anything other was off or wrong or deviant.

At work, Daria had been the victim of many a ***** bashing. Not that the people she worked with were insensitive pricks, but simply because everyone assumed that the people surrounding them were all hetero which made telling vicious ***** jokes acceptable. There was no standing up for oneself because that would be a virtual outing. So you had to laugh with everyone else. Or at least walk away, conveniently having forgotten your keys, or errant paperwork, or to use the bathroom. Through North Carolina, Daria had become a master at not saying what people didnt want to hear, whether they knew it or not.

She knows its stupid to feel scared to reveal the truth about her sexuality, especially given the circumstances, especially since living a freer life had been 2/3 of the motivation for coming to visit Alice in L.A. to begin with. But conditioning is a hard thing to break. Maybe later, when things are a little more stable and she feels more in her element. It isnt important now anyway.

Alices phone rings, a shrill beeping noise, and she answers it, pulling her face from it a few moments later, mouthing the word Dana before turning around and walking into the small kitchen. Alices voice is so animated that Daria can still hear the conversation clearly from where she stands.

Hey baby! Yeah, shes here. Finally! I know. Yeah, Im starving. The Planet.

Alice sticks her head out of the kitchen.

Dont forget to call your mom and tell her whats going on. Shes probably near hysteria right about now.

Daria nods. Shell need to use Alices phone. Hers has been dead since she stepped off the plane and her charger is all the way back at home. Thats not the only reason she didnt call, but it should make for a good excuse.

~~~~~~~~


Alice introduces Daria to Kit, who in the fifteen minutes that they wait for everyone else to arrive, has called her Baby Girl, Sweetie Pie, and a gamut of honeys and darlings. Daria finds Kit to be absolutely charming and her jovial personality is fitting for the owner of a place as cozy as the Planet. Daria can imagine it looking amazing at night with all of the lights and some smooth music.

If youre going to be in LA, you have to have avocado on your sandwich.
Really? asks Daria between bites of a turkey sandwich covered in the green fruit.
Yeah. Its like a rule or something.

Alice feels it her obligation to show Daria everything shes so sure can only be found in California.

And a soy smoothie. Its essential. Do you like it?
Yeah, we have these in North Carolina.
No kidding?
The South is a little more than just red necks and grits, Alice.
Sure it is, Alice says cheekily and before Daria can respond, Alice is rising and hugging her friends who seem to suddenly appear. Everyone sits and clamors around, pulling up extra chairs and looking so very comfortable in everything, even down to the way they sit. Daria places her sandwich on her plate, suddenly nervous and not very hungry anymore. She looks at her plate and nowhere else.

The table gets quiet and Daria hopes that everyones not looking at her, though she feels its true but is afraid to look up and check. After what seems like an awfully long time, Alice wraps her arm around Darias shoulder and says,

Hey guys, guys. I want you to meet my cousin, Daria.

Daria glances up briefly and gives a small smile and wave, bowing her head so that the curtain of hair falls even further into her face. Her responding hi is whispered and barely audible. A wide series of greetings go round and when Daria looks up again, she catches the eye of the woman immediately across from her – the one whod climbed over the seat rather than pulled it out to sit down, the one whose haircut makes her gender a little questionable. But Daria knows this is a girl. Looking down at the womans chest despite herself, she definitely knows shes a girl. She glances back up and the womans blue eyes are watching her intensely. The strange tension that passes over Darias body at this intense look is not at all unpleasant.

Alices voice snaps her out of her brief stupor. Daria clears her throat and looks away.

That…was Shane, Alice says in a way that makes Daria know the staring contest didnt go unnoticed. She feels the color rise in her cheeks. Alice continues much to Darias relief.
Thats Jenny, Carmen, Tina. And this little scrumptious morsel is my Dana.

Alice gives Dana a kiss on the cheek, then another, longer one on the mouth. Its all very romantic, if not inappropriate and Daria confirms her thoughts from earlier. It really is love. She catches Shane rolling her eyes and laughs. Shes already been privy to the conversation between the two that got them to the Planet in the first place so she knows how Shane feels. Shane winks at Daria and smiles, sighing very dramatically.

Lesbians, Shanes says.
Whatever, Shane, Alice frowns and turns back to the table. Anyway, Dar here is interning for a month and a half at LA Magazine thanks to yours truly.
Thats wonderful, pipes in Tina who sits on Darias left. She looks at Daria with genuine appraisal. Are you a writer?
Photographer.
Ah, thats great. Your accent – where are you from?

Daria frowns at the mention of an accent. What accent?

North Carolina. I have an accent?

She looks around the table. Carmen, who sits between Shane and Jenny sort of grins. She pinches her fingers together and holds them up.

Just a little.

Daria looks to Jenny who smiles, shakes her head and holds her arms apart at a huge distance, indicating that Carmen is indeed fibbing.

Everybody laughs, but its good-natured and Daria relaxes for the first time since she touched down in LA.

Im from North Carolina, Tina says, but I havent been there in so long.
Wow. No way. What city? asks Daria.
Chapel Hill. I moved to California after graduate school.
You dont have an accent.
Sometimes…under certain circumstances.
You should hear her when shes mad, chimes in Dana.
Or drunk, says Alice.

Everyone sort of nods in agreement. Tina rolls her eyes and continues.

Its a beautiful there. I kind of miss it.
Why? Daria questions with a little more venom than she intended. She cant imagine anyone missing that state for any reason.
The sweet tea.

Ahh. Daria nods. Yes, possibly the only perfect thing to come out of the South. That and the Blues, though some might argue differently.

Wheres Bette, Tina? asked Shane
She flew out to San Francisco yesterday to meet with this sculptor for the show. She wants to see the works in person before deciding whether or not theyre going to go with him. Theres supposed to be thirteen artists, but so far the museums only manage to confirm ten.
Is she stressed? asks Alice.

Tina sighs and Daria notices a sadness there in her brown eyes that she didnt see before.

Yeah, she says. You know how she gets. But at least this time shes making time for her life rather than pushing it out of the way until the shows done.
A babyll do that to you.
Shes really doing good that way, but that doesnt make things any easier.
When will she be back?
Tomorrow.

An uncomfortable silence falls over everything. Theres a new tension in the air. Daria doesnt understand why but she has a feeling that it wont be long before she does. Something has happened here, between all of these people, something big. This Bette might be the centerpiece of that something.

So, are you guys going to eat or what? asks Kit. Kits question, as she stands over them with a pad in hand, breaks the somber spell.

The energy that had been sucked out only moments ago returns full force. Everyone starts to order at the same time before Kit slows them down and points in an orderly fashion at each one of them, skipping Daria and Alice because theyve already eaten. She takes the orders herself, not just because the business is moving lazily today, but because this is her family and the Planet is her house and it feels good to do this.

Daria takes another bite of her uniquely Californian sandwich and chews slowly, watching everyone from behind her fallen hair. She sighs contentedly at both the agreeable taste of the avocado and turkey combination and at the feeling of rightness she senses from this scene.

Everything still feels foreign, but thats nothing new. Daria thinks she likes this kind of foreign.







Picture this. A girl stands on a sidewalk, her right foot poised to take a step off the curb…Delicate hands are caught in mid-motion, pulling back dark hair behind her ear…Both eyes are visible for a rare, uncalculated moment…The camera catches her looking and even from so far away, in the starkness of black and white, you can tell that her eyes are something amazing…A smile breaks the surface in a way that lets you know it too is rare…For the first time, the smile is real, however small it may be.