I had served my time and was so ready to break away; away from my mothers ever watching eyes and Tinas concerned ones. So ready that I had packed my knapsack with two change of clothes in anticipation of spending the weekend with Alice. With my knapsack thrown over my shoulder, my skateboard in one hand and the very important helmet in the other, I was standing in the doorway bidding the happy couple good-bye.


Dont let Alice get you in trouble, my mother reminded me for the thousandth time.
Bette, let her go, Tina said.
Ill call you when I get there.
Okay, sweetie. Have a good time, Tina began, And please dont let Alice get you into trouble, she finished.
I wont, I smiled.

I turned and was about to go when in between Tinas words of I love yous, she moaned in pain.

Mom?

I turned back around to see her doubled over in pain.

Tina?! my mother cried.
Somethings wrong. Somethings wrong with the baby.

The baby. My little brother or sister. Please God let them be okay, I prayed. My mother tried to hold Tina upright.

Baby, were going to the hospital.
Im only five months. The baby is not ready yet, Tina cried.
Please, please, please, I muttered to myself.

As my mother reached for her car keys, Tina begged her not to leave her. That meant I was driving.

*****

The drive to the hospital was terrifying, to say the least. I sat in the drivers seat nearly on top of the steering wheel, thinking that that would somehow get us there faster. My limited driving experience hadnt killed us. My mother took Tina inside and I stayed in the car.

I couldnt move. I stayed in the car almost the entire time. I dont even think she noticed I wasnt in the emergency room with them. I just couldnt bring myself to get out of the car and go inside.

I hadnt heard the sound of the door opening but the slamming sound of it closing nearly gave me a heart attack.

So you drove, huh? Followed the procedures that I taught you?
No, I whispered looking at Alice sitting in the passenger seat, ran a couple of red lights, I admitted.
Thats all right. It was an emergency.
Is she okay? I whispered.

My quivering voice put the exclamation point to the obvious fear in my body language.

How long do you think youve been sitting out here.?
I dont know. Thirty minutes?
More like an hour. I think we should go inside.
I dont know if I can.
I know that youre scared. And thats okay. But you cant spend the night in the car.

I looked down at my hands resting in my lap. I knew that she was right. But I was still afraid to go inside.

Is she okay? I asked again.
Come on, lets go inside.

And again she avoided my question.

Alice, please…tell me, I begged.

She let out a big sigh and told me the words I was terrified of hearing.

She lost the baby.
No, no, no! I screamed pounding the steering wheel.
Hey, hey. If you break this car, your mother will kill me, Alice said grabbing my hands and then hugging me.

I sobbed against her shoulder for what seemed like forever.

Lets go inside, she said again and this time we did.

*****

I stood silently in the doorway watching both of them sleep in a bed that seemed to swallow them in its bigness. The peaceful scene of them together, Tina on her side and my mother curled around her, made the tragedy unknown to strangers seem like a fantasy. It was like normal. I stared at the two of them for so long that I hadnt noticed my mothers eyes open.

Come here, she whispered.

I couldnt help but begin to cry.

Sorry, was all I could manage.
Evan?

Her words were slightly slurred as was her voice unsure of mine.

Come here, Tina said

Almost rushing, I traveled across the small distance to her bed. She motioned for me to lay next to her and as I slowly and carefully settled myself in her arms, the tears continued.

Shh. Shhh. Its okay, she comforted.

I cried harder in spite of not wanting to. I suppose to be comforting her. But like always, no matter if I was right or wrong, she was comforting me.

*****