Let me hold you Bette.
Sweetheart let me hold you.
She reached for Bettes face and held it in her hands.
Bette looked absolutely shattered.
Tina had never seen her like this.

During the time they were apart Alice had told her that Bette was drinking
a lot and and had even started smoking again.
She knew she never cooked anything and was probably living on Chinese take out , Diet Coke and energy bars. and it showed.

Everyone always saw Bette as such a strong, sure and confident woman, and she was – Bette saw herself this way too- but when Tina left her , and she couldnt get her back – something changed for Bette.
She longed for something she couldnt have – and that was something that didnt happen too often.
She tried everything to make Tina understand, and when nothing worked and Tina moved into her own world, she was shocked by how painful it was for her.
When she really had to face the fact that Tina might be gone for good – she crumbled.
None of their friends had expected this.

And now Melvin was dying.

Tina went through the entire awards ceremony feeling increasingly angry at Bette for leaving. All her feelings of betrayal and jealousy came back while she stood on the dias. She had waited all day for the chance to see Bette and tell her she was ready to start seeing her again. When she saw her earlier at the cocktail party Tina was breathless, her heart was poundingsince they had made love earlier in the week she had been unable to hold back her feelings and found herself constantly playing back that afternoon with a ferocious longing. She wanted her, there was no way she could deny that to herself.
And now Bette had left the party, hers was the only face Tina wanted to see. and she was gone.
Tina was devastated – how could she have allowed herself to be open to Bette again? She couldnt count on her.

But sure enough, when it was all over and she checked her cell phone there was a message from her.
She listened to the message twice and then made a b line for her car.

If she hadnt been sure before, she knew now and there was no use pretending any longer, her life was with Bette.
She had been holding back the floodgates of emotion, and restraining herself from following her heart back to Bette – but the longer they were apart the surer she was that no one would replace her.
It scared her to death..

Bette had gone home from the hospital to get some things for herself.
When Tina got there, she found a dark house and in the livingroom, in the silence, there was Bette sitting on a chair, staring.
Just a few hours ago she had been her most dazzling self.
Her best Bette – gorgeous and charismatic, twinkling.
Now she was a drained and exhausted woman.
Tina walked into the room and immediately kneeled in front of her .
She took Bettes hands in her own, looked up at her and whispered-
Baby, Im here.
She pulled the hair back off of Bettes eyes and kissed her wet face. Then she moved forward and drew her in until she had gathered all of Bette up into her arms.

Baby Im here and Im staying here.
Slowly she rocked her back and forth, tenderly stroking her hair, kissing her cheeks.
Bette pressed her face into Tinas soft neck, and began crying again.
Bette, sweetheart, Im here, well get through this – we will.
Bette pulled back and slowly nodded no..
You just feel sorry for me Tina because of Daddy.
I appreciate it – I do.
Thank you for coming but I know you dont want to be here, you dont need to take care of me.
Im a mess, I know, but you dont have to get me through this.
I cant get used to needing you in my life and losing you again. I cant do that – its too hard having you here knowing that you wont stay.

Look at me Bette, Tina said.
She pushed Bette back, still holding her arms, and looked at her haunted dark eyes, and red swollen face – she had rarely seen this side of her.
Babylisten – yes, I feel terrible for you. I know how much you love your father. I know how hard this will be for you – and yes, I want to take care of you – But Its you I want.
Its you – I want to be with you. Not just for now, I want us to be together.
We cant do this any longer – we cant be scared anymore. Too much time is passing and I cant be without you anymore.
She folded her up into her arms and held her as tightly as she could while Bette sobbed into her shoulder.