“I hated you…” she whispered, cold and clearly.

Surprised by the words, but feeling Tinas sweet touch caressing her arm, Bette gulped, waiting for her to continue.

“I didnt understand it…I didnt see it coming…I… I noticed you moving away…vanishing…but I never expected it to happen…”

Feeling Tinas body lightly tensing even when her touch was still sweet and tender, Bette mumbled,

“Am sorry…” She said, not knowing what to say, how to react.

“Shhh…is ok…is not that….” Tina whispered, pushing Bettes chin up so she could look at her. “…is not that….” she said again, sweetly leaning down to leave an encouraging kiss on Bettes shattered heart.

“Ok…”mumbled Bette, resting the head on Tinas chest again.

“I…felt completely lost, broken…I felt like dying…I… then I started thinking about it all…and I became angry…I hated you…it was easier than feeling sorry for myself…and…”

Sighing, Tina closed her eyes, looking for the strength to continue.

“….and it was easier than hating myself…because thats what I was feeling…I hated myself because even after finding out about you and….” unable to voice the name, Tina added,”…. her….I still loved you…all I could think about was you…what I loved about you…and that you were giving her all that love….that you were sharing everything you are, everything you mean with her instead of me…I…”

Feeling her heart slowly and painfully breaking apart, Bette rose the head to face Tina. Looking at her, locking her eyes with hers, she whispered, slowly, voicing every word very carefully,

“Ive never, ever, loved her….I never shared anything like we had with her…it wasnt like that…”

Nodding, loving seeing pain, sorrow and love in Bettes eyes, Tina sadly smiled.

“I know…come here…” she whispered again, opening her arms to welcome Bette in them. Resting the head, Bette sighed as Tinas arms were hugging her tight.

“I….anger became the only way I was able to face you…and then…Helena came along…”

Feeling Bettes body quietly tightening in her arms, Tina smiled, caressing her arms.

“It was easy…new….I…she liked me…she seduced me…”

Noticing how Bettes body wasnt relaxing, how stiff and trembling it was, Tina continued, just after kissing her on the head.

“I.. it was easy to be with her…she was after somebody that wasnt me…it was ***** and exciting, and it wasnt you….I needed it…I needed to be somebody else…I needed to feel like that…I…I didnt mean to hurt you…”

Noticing Bettes body relaxing a little she added,

“…although it felt good…I didnt want to hurt you…but in a way…I liked knowing that I was able to hurt you…that I was able to move you…”

Tinas words were driving both of them back to those moments, to what they felt back then.

“…of course you did….” Bette mumbled, unaware of the tears that were quietly running down her cheeks.

“I…I liked the attention…I liked feeling lust after…I..I never thought Id kiss somebody else…I…I never thought Id want to kiss somebody else…”

Feeling Bette quietly crying, how she was trembling, trying not show it, Tina added,

“and then…all the anger, all the fear disappeared…I saw you again, the real you… and all I wanted was to talk with you, to hug you, to kiss you… and when I found the courage to look for you again…I…”

“what?” Bette asked noticing the long shy silence. Seeing the wet path painted on Bettes face, very tenderly, Tina, cleaning it, with the sweetest touch added,

“I saw Lee looking at you…”

“whaaat?” Asked Bette again, trying to remember the look on Lees eyes.

Nodding, feeling her heart caressed by Bettes clueless notion of Lees look, Tina added,

“I saw how she looked at you…I…I never saw it before…with…with Candance…”

Tina stopped as voicing the name shattered her senses. Sighing deeply, looking into Bettes eyes she found the courage to continue.

“I…I never saw her looking at you…I saw how she held your hand and it was enough….when Lee looked at you…I felt furious…and hurt…but then…thinking about it I didnt want to believe it… not again…but you…”

“I did nothing…”Bette mumbled, hugging Tina.

“I know…I knew I had to do something…to face it, could not run away…I..”

Moving away from Tina, needing to look at her, to see her face, her reactions, Bette sat in front of her. Taking her hand, she looked at her for a few minutes before saying,

“I never ever consider Lee…didnt even know she was *****…”

“I know…”chuckled Tina, cleaning Bettes tears.

“I didnt love Candance…I.. I was a fool…I was feeling lost…I didnt know what to do with you, and the miscarried..I….hated being myself…wanted to run away…I…”

Looking down, embarrassed, she added,

“I took the easy road…I wanted you to hate me…to run away from me…but now that I think about it…I didnt even do it on purpose…I just let myself go…I let myself die with it… I…”

Sobbing, unable to continue, feeling guilt eating her alive?Bette caressed Tinas hand. Noticing how moved Bette was, how restless she looked, Tina put her into a hug.

“I know…shhh…is ok…is ok”

Nodding, getting lost in Tinas comfort, in her sweet words, Bette sighed again. Hugging her tight, resting the head on her shoulder, she whispered,

“Dont ever leave me again…”

Feeling the tears running free by Bettes words, Tina nodded, mumbling,

“I wont”

***

Seeing Bette turning the lights off in the hallway, Tina smiled.

“Is she asleep?” She asked, hoping.

2So far…” said Bette with a smile on her face as she was walking inside their room.

“Yeah…” Tina nodded, creaming her hands.

Sitting on the bed, Bette set the alarm, which put a bigger smile on Tinas face.

“We wont need it…she will wake us up…”

Looking at Tina, Bette smiled, realizing she was right.

Lying at Tinas side, Bette took Tinas creamy hand in hers. Playing with the cream in between their hands, she smiled, looking up at Tina.

“What a day…” she whispered.

Nodding, lying at Bettes side, holding her hand, playing with it, Tina added,

“What a night…”

“Yeah…”Bette chuckled.

Locking her eyes with Tina, Bette let the memories push her closer. Resting the head inches apart from Tinas she whispered,

Thank you…”

“For what?” Whispered Tina, caressing Bettes nose, stopping at her lips.

“For tonight…for telling me…”

Playing with Bettes lower lip, caressing it. Tina nodded. Then, slowly, she moved away and without moving her eyes from s, she mischievously smiled. Watching Tinas smile, Bette felt goose bumps running through her body. Then, seeing her ducking the hand under the pillow, she bit her lip.

Still smiling, without moving her eyes from Bettes, Tina placed a small beautifully wrapped box in front of Bette.

“Happy anniversary….” Taking the box, Bette sat on the bed. Crossing the legs, she looked at Tina, trying to read in her eyes the meaning of it.

“thank you…” Tina added, encouraging Bette to open it.

“what for?” Bette mumbled, carefully opening the gift.

Sitting in front of her, with the legs around Bette, Tina whispered, caressing Bettes leg.

“For being you… for wanting me… for loving Lily…”

Opening the box, Bette looked at Tina before taking the present out. Holding it, looking at it she noticed the inscription,

5/12/97-4/20/05

Looking at Tina, Bette cocked an eyebrow, a bit confused. Then, looking down again, she realized the meaning of it. Noticing the change on Bettes face, Tina smiled. Leaning forwards, she whispered,

I meant it, both times…”

Nodding, caressing the beautifully plain silver ring, Bette gulped, smiling. Looking up at Tina, she smiled again, unable to tame her trembling lips.

“I know Ive said before, and I dont want to say it too much….but…” she whispered, hiding the face on Tinas collarbone.

“I know…”

Taking Bettes face in her hands, Tina smiled again. Slowly, as a secret, as a hidden gift, she whispered,

“This way you will always remember…”

Placing the ring in Bettes finger, she leaned forward to rest her hungered lonely lips on Bettes. Moving closer, feeling Tinas legs hugging her tight, Bette put her arms around Tinas waist.