Even though we didnt have dinner with Helena that evening, that doesnt mean that she didnt have an affect my night. I had finally told Tina about my rape and my apprehension toward spending any time with that woman. And as I got my big secret off my chest, Tina was my champion in the corner. She was everything that I had hoped for… a woman who loved me unconditionally. My rape didnt build the wall I thought it would had between us. She wasnt intimidated by it or mourning the fact that it had happened to me. I had done enough of that on my own. Tina accepted my past, grateful that Evan was the beautiful result of it. She understood me a little bit better after that night together. The only thing left for us to conquer was the physical aspect of our relationship.

Her body rested on mine as we stood in the kitchen. Our lips tasting, memorizing, remembering each other again and again. The agent left us to explore the house by ourselves…allowing us the space to make our final decision on the three one story three bedroom house. We had already made our decision… hours ago. What the agent didnt know was that Tina and I were a couple of horny girls that needed time alone to explore each other.

My forefinger had traced the outline of her breast as I dipped my head lower to kiss her neck. She wiggled in my arms and moaned in my ear. The feel of her moist breath in my ear made me growl. I grabbed her breast, squeezing it like a rubber ball. She pushed her pelvis deeper into mine.

Babe, she moaned.

I growled again.

Babe, we cant… not here…not like this…

I knew she as right but she felt so good right then that I didnt want to stop.

My other hand snaked its way around her waist and down to her *****. Oh god, I loved her *****. Its round shape… its softness… and the fact that it fit perfectly in my hand. Her ***** was made for me to grab. And so I did.

Bette, really… we need to stop.
Dont want to, I said with my mouth pressed against her neck.
Mr. Valentino could come in here and catch us, she moaned.

She was losing the battle.

Dont care, I kissed her jaw.

And then her lips again.

But I do.

Another kiss.

He can watch.
Babe, seriously… we cant do this now.
Yes we can. Hes out by the pool.

I continued my assault on her jaw.

I dont want to, she said sternly.
Yes, you do.
No, I dont, she re-enforced pushing me away.

I cringed not in pain but in confusion.

Babe, she returned to the term of endearment, I dont feel right having ***** with a stranger not ten feet away from us.
Were not having *****, Tina. Were… just making out. Thats all.
Well, I dont like doing that either.
We were just doing that a few seconds ago.
Bette…
Im sorry, I said pushing her off of me, if I want to kiss my woman in our new house. I just that she would want to celebrate with me for making our first big decision together. I guess I was wrong, I said stalking to the double doors that led to the agent and the pool.
Bette, wait…

But I was already outside.

Mr. Valentino?

The impeccably dressed older gentleman turned at the sound of my voice.

Yes, he answered in his Italian accent.
Well take it, I smiled.
Of course. Great, he smiled back.
Where do I sign?

He pulled out the title and a pen and pointed on the dotted line.

*****

Are you going talk to me?

Silence.

She stared straight ahead not breaking the quietness in the car.

Fine…be that way. I dont understand why youre acting like this when it should be me thats mad, I huffed.

I was trying to goat her into talking.

You cant be serious, she started.

It worked.

Finally, you speak.
What?
And as for me being serious… I am. You were pressuring me back there. I cant perform on command! And even if I could… I wouldnt have, not with the agent so close to us.
I wasnt pressuring you.
You werent? All the grabbing and pulling you were doing back there… I dont like to be treated that way. Not by anyone.
What way? she scoffed.
Bette, please dont act innocent. I know that we have made out in the past and done some heavy petting but back there… you were pushing me to have ***** with you and you know it.
Please, she scoffed again.
What is it gonna take for you to understand that Im not ready to be physical with you yet? I asked sitting sideways facing her.
When do you think youll be ready? By our twentieth anniversary?
This isnt a joke to me, Bette.
To me either, she answered making the final turn onto her street.

I didnt say anything. When the car came to a stop, I climbed out.

Im going stay at my place tonight, I said as she got out.
Dont do this, Tina.
What am I doing?
Youre creating distance between us.
I think distance is what I need right now, I said walking away.
What am I suppose to tell Evan?
Tell her that Ill see her tomorrow. And that I love her, I said over my shoulder.

*****


I turned on the light in my apartment and instantly felt lonely. She wasnt there running to greet me. I missed them both, already. But we needed time apart. Bette needed to realize how she made me feel back at the house. Like a *****. I wasnt a prostitute, who would be automatically wet for her. I was her girlfriend and future wife. I need respect. I demanded respect. She need to realize that I wasnt one of her many girls before who melted at the sight of Bette Porter. I mean I did melt at the sight of her. But I wasnt going to jump when she said jump. I had my own mind. Even if her other girls didnt. I couldnt be charmed sexual advances. Well… maybe I could be, but that wasnt the point! Bette Porter had to respect me as her wife. And if I said no, that meant no.

*****

I had lasted all of five hours without them. I showered and changed into my sleep clothes. I slipped into a bed that had been empty for so many nights, that it felt strange to me. Gone were my comfortable spots, my worn in grooves. The bed wasnt mine anymore. I sat up, listening to the drop of a pen quietness and couldnt take the stillness of my apartment anymore. I threw back the bedding and laced up my sneakers sitting next to the end table. I didnt bother with changing into my jeans, I threw a sweatshirt over my head as I called a cab.

Forty-five minutes later, I stood outside Bette Porters door and knocked. Two minutes later, a sleepy and anxious who is it? came through the wood.

Its me.

The three locked came undone and the door opened.

Hey, she said looking at me with wide little girl eyes.

The same eyes Evan has when she first wake up. Pupils dilated and eyes big and round.

Youve ruined me, I stated simply.
Huh?
I cant sleep without you anymore. I couldnt get comfortable in my own bed. Youve ruined me.

She smiled.

Sorry. Didnt mean to, she smiled.

I smiled back.

Cmon, she said stepping aside and holding out her hand, lets go to bed.

I took her hand and allowed her to pull me inside.

Right side? she asked.
No other way.

I always slept on the right side of the bed.

*****