Jesus, Tina Bettes voice broke as she prayed Tina hadnt been as weak and foolish as herself Tell me you didnt

Tina reached blindly behind her for a dining table chair and sat down fearing that her legs were going to fail her. She looked up and watched Bette whisk fresh tears from her cheeks.

I kissed him. I was tired, exhausted. I came home from the trip and all I wanted was you. I walked in the front door to find flowers and that note. Then Alice tells me that she saw you going to the guest rooms at the Peninsula with someone she didnt know. What was I supposed to think, Bette? Greg was there. He was there to hold me, to comfort me

Tina meant every word but still her explanation sounded empty to her own ears.

While we were in New Zealand he asked if Id ever regretted being with you. Sitting at that function last night I did. I was so hurt that I actually regretted falling in love with you. I sat there and imagined what my life would be like if Id never met you. I imagined what it would be like without the pain I was feeling. He told me that hed loved me for years. That he couldnt get me out of his mind. I thought you were with her. I had it in my head that you were off somewhere ***** her

Tina stopped long enough ward off new tears which loomed, the fruit of her own actions.

He led me out of the function room and we kissed. I wasnt thinking, I didnt want to think. I was justreacting. He led me down a corridor and into a room hed booked. He started kissing me, touching me. His hands were big, they were rough, he wasrough

Bette swallowed the bile that rose in her throat. She wrapped her arms around herself in an effort to stop them shaking as her tears fell freely.

Part of me wanted it, to just block you out and give myself to someone else, someone who wanted me Tina admitted.

Stop Bette whispered I cant bear this

Through the champagne haze I realized that in wanting him to take away the pain Id just sacrificed the one person that I cant live without Tina pressed on I hated you but I loved you more

Bette looked intently at her wife, afraid to speak, afraid that Tina hadnt just said those words.

Tina shook her head I pushed him away, I left. I chose you, Bette

Where have you been? Bette whispered through her tears.

I called Alice. She picked me up and we drove to Malibu. We sat on the beach. Ifuck, theres been so much going on that Ive wanted to talk to you about but its been impossible. I sat there and just talked. When I was all talked out she drove me home Tina explained. She saw the vehement look on Bettes face at the mention of Alice Dont be mad at her, I dont know what I wouldve done if she wasnt there

Bette stared at her in disbelief.

I couldnt come back here to you, not until Id made sense of it all Tina confessed.

And?

I made a mistake. A ***** huge mistake. Can you forgive me?

Bette stepped forward and offered Tina her hand. Tina swallowed hard as she felt Bettes fingers lace with her own.

Come with me Bette whispered.

Tina stood and Bette led the way back to their room.

Youre exhausted, T Bette said Lets get you out of that dress and into bed

But you havent Tina tried to argue but Bette was having none of it.

Just get changed Bette reiterated. Tina relented and got changed without further argument. Lay down, Baby Bette said, her calm, quiet voice helping to settle Tinas frantic heart.

Bette lay down facing her wife. Wrapping Tina in her arms, she wanted to hold her close, shield her from the fear that gripped them both.

I want you to listen very carefully to me Bette continued, her tone held no anger, only concern.

Tina looked into Bettes eyes and nodded.

I love you with all that I am. You are the only one that will I ever give myself to body and soul. I made a mistake and I know I hurt you so much. I promise that I will do everything in my power to make sure that you never have to feel that kind of pain again.

Tina nodded. She understood. Bette wasnt telling her anything new. Laying there her guilt weighed heavily on her heart. How could she have been so quick to condemn Bette?

Bette took Tinas hand and laid it over her heart.

Can you feel it? Bette whispered.

Yes Tina replied.

When I saw you kiss him I thought I was going to die Bette said. She took a deep breath and blinked back fresh tears I get it now She whispered I know what it means to feel like your heart has been ripped from your chest

Im sorry Tina whispered as she dissolved into tears.

No, T. I started this and there arent words to describe how sorry I am Bette said as she held Tina a little closer. Bette kissed the tears from her lovers cheeks.

You need to rest Bette said as she ran her thumb lightly over Tinas cheek.

Tina nodded, the extraordinarily long day had taken its toll Stay with me a while? She asked.

Yeah Bette whispered as Tina turned in her arms.

Bette held Tina as she drifted off to sleep. Thinking back over all that had happened in the space of a single day Bette was sure of one thing.

We cant go on like this, T She whispered to her sleeping lover before she closed her eyes and hoped that sleep would claim her too.

TBC