The countdown had begun… two days, sixteen hours, twenty-three minutes and eight seconds til we became a family. And Tina was frantic. She was running around like a chicken with its head cut off. At home she couldnt sit still, packing, packing and more packing. We were gonna move into the new house when we returned from our honeymoon. All the furniture we had picked out together had already been delivered and set up. Most of our clothes were there along with most of Evans toys. The three of us were living in my apartment with about a weeks worth of clothes, in Evans case two weeks and sleeping on the floor in sleeping bags. Evan loved it.

Like camping she said.

My back didnt like camping out on the floor. I longed for the softness of the mattress. And privacy with Tina. It was impossible to do anything with Evan in the same room. Oh yeah… that was another thing. We all had to sleep in the same room. Peachy. I hated it. But Tina loved it. Evan was the only thing that seemed to calm her down. Whenever Evan asked Tina for help or to do something, Tina would stop racing around and help Evan. She was so attentive to Evan. I picked a great woman to bring into our family.

Anyway… Tina was wearing herself out with worrying about every detail of the commitment ceremony. Everything was settled and running according to plan. But Tina wouldnt stop worry. And in turn, I began to worry about Tina. She was running herself down. I had to instill the help of my sister and friends to get Tina to sit down and relax.

Okay, I got it, Alice began, we kidnap Tina, right, and take her to, I dont know a hotel.

The four of us sat at our regular table at The Planet. Tina had Evan running last minute errands.

You are not having ***** with my wife, Al, I warned.
Chill out, Porter. I wouldnt. Even though the thought has crossed my mind.

Wap! Across the back of the head.

What the *****? Alice asked.
You deserved it, Al, Dana answered.
Thanks, Dana.
Anytime, she smiled at me.
Next time, I hit back, Alice threatened.
Go on with the plan, Al.
Okay, okay… we take Tina to a hotel somewhere in L.A. and go wild. I mean, have some drinks, visit a strip bar, have a lap dance by some crispay girls.