Believe me when I say this. I have a good life, ***** I have a great life, even if I do say so myself. I love what I do, always have for as long as long as I can remember. I think that was the problem. Im living the ultimate little girls dream, and boys come to that. Why do I know that, you ask. Because this was always my dream! And most people will say I was lucky, because my dream did come true, and I would have to agree with them, because I was lucky, ***** I was more than lucky.

I was twenty years old and I had the opportunity of a life time, there was no way on earth I was gonna turn it down, this was my big break, the goal I had been striving for my whole life, Id be absolutely crazy to pass this up, right? My, thoughts exactly. So I took it. I took my chance at fame, and it paid off. But what most people dont know and, unfortunately for me at the time, I didnt know the ultimate price I would pay for living out my dream.

She was Eighteen years old when I first met her. I was sweet sixteen, but innocent I was not, although if youve have saw me at that moment in time you probably would have disagreed with me. God I can still remember it now. I was absolutely mesmerised by her beauty. She must have thought I was a complete dork, because all I could do was stand there and stare, the words I wanted to say just stuck in my throat they wouldnt come out. I looked like a fish caught on a hook, taking its, last breath.

Well I must have had some sort of impression on her, because after that first initial meeting, we were inseparable, we spent every single moment together, for four whole years, we were never apart, not once. You could say we were literally, joined at the hip so to speak. She loved me completely and I loved her more than anything in the world. Well I thought I did. But obviously I loved something else more.

I dont understand? Why are you doing this to me, to us? I love you. I thought you loved me? She screamed, her tear stained eyes, boring in to my very soul.

I do love you. I said, trying my hardest not to let my own tears fall. I couldnt let, her see how much this was killing me, I had to be strong. I hated myself for doing this to her, but it was an opportunity of a lifetime I had to. This was something I had wanted for, ever. I was born for this. Im sorry.

Your sorry, thats all you can say, your, ***** sorry? She choked back the tears. I could see how much she was hurting. How much I was hurting her. Her eyes were the windows to her soul, and I knew I was tearing out her heart, and I wanted to comfort her, take away her pain and make it all better again, but I couldnt.

I have to do this. I have to give this a shot. I might not get another chance, please understand that.

Take me with you . . .I can come with you, I want to come with you. She was on her knees, clinging to my legs, begging me to let her come with me, but we both knew she wouldnt. She had too much to lose if she did, and there was no way I was going to let her ruin her dream, just so she could live mine with me, besides shed only end up hating me if I did.

Its better this way. Were still young, youll soon find someone else, youll forget about me in no time. I had her in my arms, softly brushing the tears away from her face. She was clinging to me like a small child does, its mother, when its afraid of the dark. I placed my lips against hers and savoured the sweet taste of her for the last time, and imprinted it firmly in my memory. Little did I know that one memory would haunt me every night over the, coming years. I love you. I then picked up my bags and walked away, away from everything I knew, and away from the woman who I always knew, would be the love of my life. She didnt see the tears and the way my body wracked with pain. I never saw her again after that day I left.

Like I said, I have a great life. I made it. I was famous. You couldnt open a newspaper or a magazine, or even walk passed a billboard, without seeing my face in it or on it. I was the quintessential rock chick. I was idolised by millions of fans across the globe, cosseted and waited upon by numerous hanger ons, enough money in the bank to last me a hundred lifetimes, countless number one hits to my name, stacks of women and men throwing themselves at me, invitations to endless celebrity parties, from people who Id met once, and who now thought of me as a friend. I was at the top of my profession. Everybody wanted to be seen with me. Every body wanted a piece of me. Youd think Id be in my element, right? Wrong. I hated it. Fame is not all it is cracked up to be. I wanted to sing, dont get me wrong. Thats what I lived for. God had kindly graced me with a wonderful voice and for that I would be eternally grateful, it was just all the ***** that went with it, I didnt like. And even though I had more people around me than you could ever imagine. I was lonely and I was miserable and I didnt have one person who I could call a true friend. The trouble is when you, are in this business, you cant let yourself, trust anyone enough to be a friend, because they always have an ulterior motive, they all want something from you. So I was alone, surrounded by superficial friends. Living in a superficial world.

That was until someone threw me the lifeline I had been longing for. I grabbed it with both hands.


Tell me again, why were playing this dive. When we could be in New York, playing Madison Square Garden?

Because I wanted to, Im doing a favour for a friend. I said.

So youd rather play in a crummy little club to a couple of hundred lesbians than in an arena that holds tens of thousands? He said inconsequentially.

Yes. I didnt want to elaborate on the real reason why I wanted to be here, besides it was none of his business, and he wouldnt have understood if I had anyway.

I bet were not getting paid for this either are we?

No were not, like I said this is a favour for a friend, and I dont charge friends. Anyway Im happy to be doing this, its like the old days, its cosy.

Your too big to playing in places like this, it wont be safe. What if you get mobbed? Dont forget you have no protection, you let them have the night off.

I could see he was getting worried, I didnt know whether it was for me, or if he was more worried for himself.

I smiled, I wont get mobbed, its not that kind of crowd, and dont worry youll be safe, I shook my head and laughed at him. Youre not exactly their type. I added.

But you are.

Okay, so he was worried about me. But he really didnt have anything to worry about. I knew I would be alright, Id probably know half the people in here anyway, these places never changed, and neither did the crowd of people who graced them with their presence, besides there wasnt that many clubs for them to go, so you always saw the same old faces.

Look Ill be fine. Dont worry. I gave him a warm smile to assure him, and I think he bought it.

Okay. Youre the boss. Im gonna go warm up with the rest of the band. See you in a bit. He nodded and slammed the door as he exited the small dressing room.

I dont get nervous, well Ive been doing this for so long now its kind of second nature to me, but tonight I was, I was nervous as ***** and It wasnt because I was performing in front of a small crowd in a close proximity, no, it was for something else entirely, but Im not going to tell you what, that would spoil the surprise, youll find out soon enough.

There was a knock at the door, and a head peeped round the corner.

Your on in five.

Okay. I took a deep breath and braced myself for a couple of minutes. Then I made my way out on to the stage, on to my playground, where I excelled the most, where I would forget all about my loneliness and be happy, put on a show for the punters, because thats what it was all about putting on a show. And at the moment that term was appropriate, because thats all my life was, one big show.

The first few sets went fantastically well, I was churning the tunes out like the, pro, that I was. The crowd were in their element. I was having a ball. Id not had this much fun in a long time. There was something special about playing to a small crowd, in a small place, it was intimate, you could feel the atmosphere, Christ you could almost touch it, the audience were that close to the stage.

I decided to slow the pace down and sing a ballad for my last song. Something I didnt do very often, well I was a rock chick and those, kind, of songs, well you just didnt sing them, end of story. But this one meant something to me and I was in a sentimental mood, so I sang it anyway, and Im glad I did.

I was her she was me
We were one we were free
And if theres somebody calling me on
Shes the one
If theres somebody calling me on
Shes the one
We were young we were wrong
We were fine all along
If theres somebody calling me on
Shes the one

When you get to where you wanna go
And you know the things you wanna know
Youre smiling
When you said what you wanna say
And you know the way you wanna play
Youll be so high youll be flying

Though the sea will be strong
I know well carry on
Cause theres somebody calling me on
Shes the one
If theres somebody calling me on
Shes the one

When you get to where you wanna go
And you know the things you wanna know
Youre smiling
When you said what you wanna say
And you know the way you wanna say it
Youll be so high youll be flying

I was her she was me
We were one we were free
If theres somebody calling me on
Shes the one
If theres somebody calling me on
Shes the one

Even though I knew she would be here eventually. Id been expecting her all night. I didnt get to finish the song, because when I saw her, she was even more beautiful than I could have imagined. I was dumbstruck. I just dropped the mike and stood drowning in the deep brown abyss of her eyes.


T. Was the only thing that came out of Bettes mouth.





To Be Continued . . .