Will you let me help you now Tina?

If you want to help me through this Bette, then Im more than willing to let you help me. I need all the help I can get to beat this.

What do you want me to do T?

I turned round in her arms and looked straight in her eyes as I cupped her face with my hands.

I want you to love me Bette. Do you think you could do that?

I expected to see some hesitancy in her eyes or at least hear it in her voice but to my surprise there was none.

I dont think I can do that T.

She didnt say that did she? Please tell me she didnt say that? I dropped my hands to my side and looked away from her. My heart had sunk to my feet. Maybe it was asking too much of her? Maybe I didnt deserve to be loved, by her, by anyone for that matter. After all I was a ***** up, a drug addict and no one would want to love a drug addict would they? I couldnt blame her for not wanting to love me. I didnt even love myself, so how could I realistically expect anyone else to?

Its okay Bette. I understand. I said. And I did understand. But I still couldnt look at her. It still hurt to hear it.

It was her turn to take my face in her hands. She looked at me and smiled. She ***** smiled.

T. I dont think you do understand. She was still smiling. Stop, ***** smiling Bette. The reason I dont think I can love you is because I know I can. I already do T, I always have and I always will.

Yeah? Now I was the one smiling.

She sighed and then I heard her say.

Oh T. What else would I do with you, but love you forever?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

You know, looking back on what I did. Why I fell in to that lifestyle. Its all just basic psychology really.

Can you remember when I told you before that there was nothing in between? The only two feelings you really have are the craving and the feeling of being high?

Of course I was talking about the drugs at that time.

I didnt know it then, but I know it now, what I really was craving for was affection.

And If Im really honest love, I was craving for love. But then again who isnt? I think everybody is looking for love in one form or another.

Were high on love or we are craving it. Nothing in between.

I remember when I had it, I was high as anybody could be, and then when I lost it, I needed a substitute. I had to buy it. I thought I could replace it with drugs.

That high feeling, that feeling that overwhelms you, that makes you feel so good was my substitute for love.

By the time you realise that its only a poor substitute its too late its already got hold of you. You cant turn around and say oh its not the same, Ill go and look for the real thing. Its got you. And its got you real good.

Walking away becomes an impossible option.

So if you ever find yourself faced with this situation, just remember.

No matter how pathetic in its simplicity when you think about it.

Its just like the song says:

ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE.    

(To Be Continued  . . .) J