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This is My Family…Chapter 35
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Bette didn’t want to see anybody. When the gang came she left before they arrived. Angelica seemed able to act host and take the condolences. Bette just didn’t want to talk to anybody, not even Kit. It wasn’t that it was too hard, but she was doing so well today that any comfort would break the amror she put on. For today was going to be a hard day. Today Bette requested to view the body before Tina was cremated. She also had to see Tina’s lawyer and have the will read out, do the insurance stuff etc. Today was a good day to that because Bette put on her coat, her fake coat. It was a coat because it held her grieving self inside, held it together. It was fake because her “strong” exterior was bullshit, Bette was actually inwardly shaking with tears. But she was not going to fall apart. Bette would be strong for Tina, strong for her beloved. And so she left very early, and no she did not sleep. Instead Bette made a strong pot of coffe and drank five cups, she was visibly shaking from the caffeine and after talking to Angelica she left. Her first stop was Burke Virnih, Tina’s lawyer. His office was a mark of his success, a carpet of deep maroon and accented walls filled with awards and licenses blah blah. He sat behind his desk looking like a little elf. Huge ears and pink bald head…he looked so hetero but Bette and Tina chose him after seeing him boogey it at the Pride Parade. Bette formally greeted him and waved off his condolences…”I want to get it over with” And so he took out Tina’s file and took his sweet time finding it. Tina refused to let Bette read over her will, something that still made Bette a little angry. He read it aloud and it was normal like any other will……..all finances were given to Bette, all things to Bette….but a small trust fund that was set up when Angie was born would be used for her education, any unspent funds were to be given to her when she reached the age of 25. Bette sighed a relief, nothing too glaring. But then Burke took out a white envelope and handed it to Bette….”here is something Tina wrote after she wrote this will, it’s addressed to you Bette” She held it in her hands, looking at it…not looking at it. Why did Tina have to do this? Why did she have to open a barely closed hurt? It was like salt to a wound. The whiteness of the envelope reminded the time when her and Tina went to the beach. They went on a day that was grey but the wind was still warm…in short a perfect day. Bette had walked slowly on the shoreline…watching Tina who was ahead collecting seashells. Angelica was three and playing near the small waves, kicking small seaweed and kelp. Bette had kept an eagle-eye on her. But she also watched Tina. She was so beautiful that day…..golden hair whipping slightly around her face, her movements quick and graceful. She would pick up a seashell, carry it a few yard, then place it gently on the ground…over and over again. then she paused and gazed for an unusually long amount of time gazing at one…Bette caught up to her, Angelica was picking up driftwood and throwing it back down…her small bronze body awkward and klutzy. Tina had smiled at Bette and showed her the one she was looking at….Bette took it. It was white, impossibly white with no sand on it. Impossible. Beautiful. Tina had put her hands over Bette’s on the seashell and whispered that the shell was conceived through love. The sand moving and water moving to slowly ground the shell smooth and white, making love. Tina took the shell from Bette’s hands put it back on the shore…she said they had no right over it.
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I am hating the direction this going please hurry this up I want this part over with like now this totally sucks right now fix it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well the next chapter will be Tinas letter. I hope it doesn’t acknowledge that Tina knew she was dying, Bette will find that difficult to take. She is going to mad soon at Tina for “leaving” anyway – finding out she knew she was going to die and didn’t tell Bette will really just make it unbelievably awful.
dont worry the letter wonn’t be like that. im at worl now but in a few hours i’ll be home and i’ll write a couple chapters tonight before bed.
SO SAD….GREAT JOB..POST SOON..THANKS
powerful story.
I am actually crying.
i’m crying again
I’ve just read most of your chapters. This story literally makes my heart ache. It’s the first story I’ve ever read on here that actually made me cry. This ch. hit home b/c my stepfather died a year ago and I went into view his body for the first time with my mother. It was horrible witnessing her reaction to it. She begged him then laid on his chest and cried. I’m writing this because I think you’ve captured the true emotions one feel’s dealing with the death of a loved one. Thank you for your skillfull writing.
Thanks for posting another chapter tonight! There is so much pain to bear watching them deal with Tina’s death, but the future of Bette and Angel’s relationship brings great hope! 5*
…sorry about the haters out tonight giving low ratings – wish they would go to bed ;)
This is so charged with emotion and so well written. Each chapter brings tears to my eyes.
I too am too familiar with the death of a loved one and your writing has moved me to tears too so much more because with Bette and Tina, we can see the actors who portray them so beautifully well. I’m glad that Bette is stronger now, and with Angelica, it’ll be interesting to see how you write their lives.
This is truly the hardest story to read, and I didn’t find forces enough to comment before.
But now I have to express what I felt and what I feel : there’s a very dark beauty in all these last chapters about Tina’s death. Very painful beauty, but there’s a true beauty indeed.
Because it speaks about feelings everyone had or will know in life…
Because Bette is right : a body died but shared memories will stay forever and they are the true life after death… Someone we loved will always stay alive in our hearts and minds and souls… And to be forever alive this way is a deeply beautiful, yet unspeakably moving, miracle.
You made me cry rivers, from the very bottom of my heart, far beyond a simple fan fiction story, because it makes me think a lot…
I’m still crying now, more than ever…
You know, I’m sure that a lot of readers will feel the same way : we so acurately suffered to see Tina going away for ever that we tried to deny it – like Bette, in a way – closing our eyes, refusing to read more from this precise moment.
But then, something made us coming back and it was this powerful, so powerful way with which you depict the feelings of mourning… It still especially difficult to read but it’s truly beautiful. And so the incredibly acurate sorrow we all experiment here is the price to pay to read a great writing work.
It’s also moving because you’re so obviously writing about feelings you crossed yourself – and I deeply respect that.
All my most sincere gratitude for such an intense emotional and spiritual journey…
So SAD, GREAT STORY FOR ALL THE SADNESS…PLEASE POST SOON