Bette sat at the kitchen table looking at Tina’s photo…taken when they had only known each other for six months. They were still discovering each other’s bodies. Discovering the crooks and crannies, the sensitive spots..the spots where each other’s teeth tore and tasted and kissed. Being new lovers both were afraid of hurting the other..and so Bette treaded carefully…but all the tenderness disappeared when she climbed and climbed to that area where carefulness and tenderness didn’t exist. When she kissed and bit T’s shoulders her neck her lips her tongue and ears…it was like a new form of cannibalism. Bette felt like she was consuming Tina. And she was also being consumed. Sometimes in those early years Bette felt like she couldn’t keep up with her lover and new best friend…T was exploring and taking Bette in her mouth and swallowing. They did everything together. Every ***** act it seemed. Bette remembered when she went down on her while T had her period, she tasted the most intimate part of Tina..her blood. Nothing mattered then…being appropriate or healthy or whatever didn’t matter…what mattered was that they had each other. And now..twenty-seven years later…four years after Tina passed away..Bette felt like it was something else that was consuming her. It wasn’t loneliness or Angelica or even Fleur or responsibility or lack thereof. She didn’t know what it was. Didn’t know at all. Maybe that was why she felt so consumed.

 Sitting at the table Bette put down the photo and looked at the back of her hand. The veins were poppping out and ropy around her knuckles. You could tell a woman’s age by her hands the saying goes. She touched her face….could feel the bags, the skin falling. Everything was falling it seems. Everything. Things were falling down between her and Angie… again…things were falling in her life…she no longer felt like …………..something. And she was falling for Vaila. That woman was so patient. She must have done this before….making someone fall in love with her. Because that was how Bette felt like…..falling in..not love…not that…more like…attraction. She was falling in attraction. Bette had seen enough of life and lived too long to not be fooled by that dumb saying. “love at first sight” her left toe.

  And when did Bette know she was falling for Vaila….the blond woman who lived down the road. Who dressed always in light/beige colours and played with her hair. Hmm.. Bette must have known when she was looking at that picture. Because she was looking at that picture and thinking about Tina AND Vaila. Bette had never done that before. And it was unintentional. Always when she looked at Tina, in photos..the only thing on Bette’s mind was Tina. Nothing else. For all these years, these decades….and especially since Tina died..it had always been her. Bette had never thought about anyone else. And now sitting here and looking at this photo, taken so many years ago when life was…alive…when things seemed almost possible…Bette was thinking of someone else.

 Angelica interrupted Bette’s thoughts. Her daughter came in abruptly through the door bearing gifts for her own daughter, who had since lost trust…at least temporarily. Bette knew Fleur would love Angie as soon as angie came in her little room with the complete adventures of Rupert Bear. Bette saw that Angie had her shoes on….”please take off your shoes..” Angelica did…but didn’t say anything else. She left down the hall. Things in the air were chilly between them. Bette had now given up trying to thaw it.

 Angelica knocked on Fleur’s door, then opened it a crack….the little girl was lying in bed playing with G.I Joe’s. Angie slipped in but made sure Fleur saw her….the last thing Angie wanted was Fleur screaming and running to Bette. fleur didn’t even notice her and so Angie came up and sat on the bed..Fleur gave a little smile. And an even bigger one came on her face when angie showed her the Rupert Bear book. Among exclamations of how she loved the bear Angie knew she was forgiven. Fleur threw her arms around her and squeezed…it was so great how four-year olds forgave so easily…got over things so easily….went through life so easily……loved so easily. Angelica wished love was less difficult in her own life.