I lie back and think over the events of the last few hours. My head spinning like crazy.
What the ***** did I just do? I just hit someone, I hit Tina. I hurt someone I loved.
Yes, I did love Tina. But I wasn’t in love with her. Deep somewhere inside me I knew that her heart didn’t belong to me. I knew that her heart belonged to the one and only Bette Porter.

The bile rises in my throat as I look at my hand, bruised and gently bloodied. I fucked it up this time. Nothing, and no one was going to sort out this mess but me, myself, and I.

As I gently draw myself out of the bed, I wander to the window, reaching out and touching its cool glass.
Tina, she’d been an outlet for me, a way for me to get revenge on a person who was taking everything from me. Bette had everything she wanted, expect this one thing, her one great desire. I’d won the hand of Tina, but not her heart.

No, I hadn’t been angry at her for sleeping with Bette. It’d been my fault, at least partially. I had showered Tina in a false hope, a false sense of love and belonging. I’d let myself become too involved in her, with her, I’d let myself fall for her. But I’d been jealous of her and Bette’s love, when all the love in my world had fallen down around me.

Tina was like a trapped bird, I was her cage and Bette was her doorway to freedom, and deep inside me, I knew I should open the bars and let her go. But I couldn’t bare it, she was the one thing that was keeping me grounded, keeping me sane. The one thing I’d grown to love.

I’d hit her out of spite, I wanted to ruin the portrait Bette and her presented themselves as, unblemished, unscathed, the perfect couple. I wander soundlessly to the door, picking up my keys. Finally I’m doing whats right, for me, for everyone.

Driving through the dark LA streets I ponder the way my life had turned out, the way everything seemed to be going wrong. Tina had been the one right thing. Yes, I’d let myself love her, but what I felt for her was never returned, that was why I felt so jealous of her and Bette, knowing I could never truly steal that love away from them. Knowing that no matter what Bette did, Tina would always be around. Although she may not look it, Tina was a pillar of strength.

As I park my car in the parking lots, I turn off the lights and let myself fall into the black hole I’d created. Walking inside I feel like a shadow of my former self.

I walk up to the police officer at the counter.

“I need to report something, something that I did”