Pacing up and down the length of the room, Carmen only stopped once to smile weakly at Charmaine and Rich, and once more to look at Old Mrs Walters still laying asleep contentedly.

She had already changed out of her hospital gown and was dressed in the loose fitting baggy pants and sleeveless shirt. But instead of feeling the joy of going home, Carmen felt miserable. Her flashes of anxiety started after Bette and Tina left and it had escalated three fold to emorous proportions in the two days.



Anna had waited till Bette and Tina left before scurring over to Carmen and asked.

“So Bette and Tina” Anna started off apprehensive.

“Yeah?” And Carmen held her breath.

“They are *****? As in a ***** couple?” There it was. The inevitable question.

“Yes” Carmen sighed.

“I’d never thought I would say this, but I think they are a very gorgeous couple. It makes it, I don’t know look real somehow.” Anna waves it off and continued, “How did you get to know them again?”

Carmen’s face crumbled and her heart shattered into a million pieces. Tears welled up, threatening to go forth and conquer. Having displayed signs of disdain for homosexuals since young, Carmen had always suspected that Anna was abit of a homophobe, or at the very least, not very receptive to the idea. But now, to hear her say it really threw her off. She was in the midst of a lift-changing illness and her sister managed to complicate it even further by brushing off the only lifestyle she had led for seven years now.

Trying to muster up words that refused to come, Carmen cleared her throat uncomfortably and took a deep breath in. “They are Shane’s neighbors.and and family.” She managed in the end.

“That’s cool.” Anna said with nonchalance. Then she shrugged again, “I still don’t think it is right though.”

What Anna didn’t know was that with her very casual words, she had managed to shake the very foundation of Carmen’s world. The very basis of the lifestyle that Carmen had known was thrown right out of the window in this very short sentence. Carmen looked petrified, she felt horrible and queasy. She slumped back down onto her bed and closed her eyes, to stop the tears from falling.

“Anna, I think Carmen is very tired, let us go and let her rest.” Mercedes instructed lightly.

Carmen opened her eyes at her mother’s voice. Peering from between the bed bars, Carmen was still trying to look for signs from her mother. Did her mother know? Why hadn’t the loud older Morales women screamed at her if she did. Knowing her mother, she knew it was almost impossible for Momma to keep so quiet at such a revelation.

“They don’t know anything they don’t know anything.” Carmen chanted to herself. Denial setting in deep.


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Shane scurried into the room and stop shot of bumping into her girlfriend. She smiled at Carmen but Carmen only managed to lift one corner of her mouth in return.

Throwing her arms around Shane, Carmen clinged on tightly and refused to let go. No amount of cajoling could make her let go.

“Hey” Shane could tell that her girlfriend was not herself the past couple of days. But no matter how hard she probed, Carmen would not say anything.

Fear had set in deep into her heart. Was Carmen upset at her because she didn’t want to meet her family? Shane shuddered at the thought. Unable to decide if she should take the leap of death or disappoint Carmen, Shane decided it was best to leave things as it was for now.

“Peach?” Shane whispered as she tried to break the embrace. But Carmen held on tighter..

“Are we ready to go?” Shane whispered into Carmen’s ear, nibbling lightly on the earlobe. She wanted to leave this hellhole as soon as possible. As she felt Carmen nodding weakly, a frown made it’s way to Shane’s brows.

“Let’s go.” Shane said again, a little more firmly this time. And Carmen nodded again, but made no move to let go.

Stroking her girlfriend’s back, Shane lifted her eyes and caught Charmaine and Rich smiling at her sadly. Something was definitely up and the wheels in Shane’s head spun frantically. Confrontation would have to come later though. Right now, Carmen needed her.

Shane gently tucked at Carmen’s shoulder to break the embrace. She ran her finger across Carmen’s cheeks lovingly before brushing her lips on the same spot. Pulling herself away, Shane made a move to grab the bags and the medication when Dr. Wasye walked in.

“Ah, all packed to go?” Dr. Wasye stated good-naturedly.

“Yeah. Thanks for everything, Doc.” Shane said as she picked the bags.

“Good good, well, I’ll see you in a week. Probably monitor you for a couple of days more before deciding if you could do out-patient therapy.”

“That’s great!” Shane hollered. She turned happily and pulled Carmen close and for the first time that day, Carmen actually smiled.

“Okay then, go on Shoo.” And then Dr Wasye walked over to Charmaine.


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Carmen settled down on the couch. She hadn’t said anything during the car ride, and really turning the chills on. Shane tried to make small talk but Carmen just refused to say anything. After arriving home, Carmen plonked herself onto the couch and Shane went to the kitchen to get her a glass of juice.

“Hey” Shane settled beside Carmen and pulled her close into her arms. Carmen went willingly and laid her head onto her girlfriend’s chest.

“I think it is very cool of your mother to allow you to come back to here.” Shane said lightly, desperately trying to make a conversation.

At last Carmen responded, “Anna wasn’t too happy though.”

“Your younger sister?” Shane asked, glad that Carmen was talking again. She tighten her hold and brought one of Carmen’s hand up to her mouth to kiss her fingers.

“Yes But Momma said that should be where I want to.”

“I’m glad you want to be with me.” Shane whispered sincerely. She wondered if Carmen understood the other meaning to the words, that she was really grateful that Carmen chose her all those years ago. That her life was now complete because Carmen was in her life.

Carmen didn’t answer. Her mind was thinking of all that Mercedes said to her. She replayed every word in her mind to find signs, but everything Mercedes had said could have gone either way.

“Go be with your Shane if you want to.” “I think your heart is the most important thing at the moment.” “As long as you are happy and healing well, I am happy.”

What had all these mean? Did she or did she not know? Carmen couldn’t stop thinking about it. And thinking about it was making her feel queasy again. It was like her mental clock was working, even though she wasn’t taking the chemo pills today.

Shane took Carmen’s silence wrongly, she wanted to ask Carmen about it, but before she said anything, Carmen shot up from the couch and ran to the bathroom.


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