Living In Entropy (Chaos) – L.I.E. – 02.14 – Empty Room Pt 1 of 2

            “Sam?” Came the soft voice of Lara Perkins on Sam’s cell phone, it was 7am. Sam wrenched open her eyes as she cleared her throat. Her mouth thick as she muttered her response.

            “Uh huh. Lara? Lara is that you?” Sam said, rubbing her grey eyes as she sat up, the room spinning for a moment. Her body punishing her for the bender she’d taken the night before. She drank too much when she wasn’t working; she drank to much when she wasn’t on the island. She grunted every so softly.

            “Did I wake you up? I’m sorry Sami, I have a problem.” Lara’s desperation filled voice came to Sam’s sympathetic ear.

            “Don’t we all what is it Lar?” Sam asked getting out of bed and looking around the room, her naked body tanned in the early day sunlight. She looked at the bed, nope, no one in it but her. Ah at least one thing was right in the world this morning.

            “I have to get into that wedding I haven’t been able to find Dana. She’s not at her place, and I think she and the ‘new’ girlfriend, soon to be wife might have moved!” Lara began, and Sam put the phone down, knowing she was going on and on about Dana and her wedding, she pulled a shirt over her head and picked the phone back up.

            “…To top it all off, I can’t get into the country club, I WORK there. Someone put my name down as an ‘unwanted’! Me! An unwanted? Sam, you have to help me, please?” Her voice taking on the tone of a pouty child. Sam paced the room, her mind reeling.

            “Meet me there, like two hours before the wedding, I have a plan.” Sam said, and Lara thanked her again, Sam threw the phone on the bed.  “Oh lordy.”

*****

            Shane was putting the last touches on Dana’s hair as Dana sat still as a mannequin in the chair. Stiff and hard faced as her mind wandered rapidly. Images of Alice kissing her, of Lara’s face when she broke up with her. Of the first night with Tonya, she felt the goose bumps on her arms as her mind left her body.

            “Dane man what is wrong with you?” Shane asked, kneeling in front of Dana, she was concerned for her friend; she was totally emotionless, so very unlike Dana, and so very like her. Shane pushed that thought out of her mind as she tried to focus on Dana.

            “I’m scared.” Dana admitted and Shane hugged her gently, smiling and pulling away, she cupped Dana’s pretty face in her hands. She could understand that, Tonya wasn’t half-bad if you gave her that half a chance. None of them had really, all of their lives had been splintered lately, and it was too bad, since they were going to have to get to know Tonya one way or the other.

            “Dane this is like huge, monstrous what you are doing here today man, so yeah it’s perfectly natural to be scared. Hell, I’d be pissing my pants if I was you right now. So a little scared is good, means you are human Dane.” Shane laughed and Dana didn’t laugh back with her, instead she stood up and Shane watched her, she began to pace the room.

            Shane felt her pain Shane had been pushing back any emotion she owned in the last few months, she didn’t want to feel anymore. She knew that, she didn’t have a plan, except that she was most certainly not going to give her heart to one person again. She swallowed and watched as Dana unraveled before her, she doubted her love for Tonya, why? Was it because of Alice? Alice and her stupid plan?

            “I’ve been thinking a lot about Lara these past few days. I really messed up with her you know, I blew it. Then I didn’t even bother to talk to her afterwards. I blew her off as if she didn’t matter and she did! My mom and dad hate me because I’m a dyke; you know they won’t be here today? I fuck it up with everyone.” Dana lamented and Shane sat down in the chair, leaning back lazily.

            “Dane, I’ve known you a long time, it can’t just be that. It was almost a year ago. Yeah, your parents are being dicks, mine left me to the streets, what is up? Truthfully.” Shane offered up, but Dana was putting staring at her face in the mirror.

            “I don’t recognize myself anymore. I’m like, not me anymore. I’m Dana and Tonya and we aren’t even married yet. Dana and Tonya, Tonya and Dana. Is that what Tina and Bette felt like? Is it? Because if it is, I hate it! I fucking hate it! I want to be me, can I do that?” Dana asked, and Shane shrugged.

            “I guess so.” She’d never thought of it like that before, losing your identity to form a new one with the person who shared your life. It was true, they’d been Bette and Tina, B and T. Shane could feel the pain emanating from Dana, but she didn’t know how to help her.

            “I know why Bette cheated then, I get it. She just wanted to be herself again, if only for like, a second in time.” Dana said, and Shane stood up, going over and wrapping her long lanky arms around Dana.

            “Dana.” Shane said, not knowing where to go from there, she felt tears threatening, but she slammed them back down again, she felt her heart growing into a hard cold lump in her chest.

            “I slept with Alice.” Dana admitted and Shane put her forehead on Dana’s shoulder, taking in a deep breath, this was going to be a rocky road. Fuck love was complicated and it sucked.

*****

            Bette walked around the country club it looked wonderful and Tonya had gone all out for their wedding. She remembered coming to things like this with Tina. They’d always go earlier, just to be able to see the people coming in, and to see what it looked empty the decorations, and such. A happier time a simple time now Tina was pregnant and Bette was, well floundering with something that just wasn’t her at all. Yet it was so good to not have to control a thing.

            She hadn’t seen Tina in a few days but that was usual, she was glad she hadn’t shown up when she’d brought Rayne home with her. The literary agent had been one wild woman Bette smiled hugely at the memory, tracing her lips with her fingertips, remembering her sweet taste.

            She saw Kit setting up the equipment and Ivan was right by her side, Bette groaned inside and thought her sister was just off her rocker. Bette tried to call Tina’s cell phone, but her voice mailbox was full. Where was she? Where was Tina and Helena Purdy? She walked up to Kit, who hugged her sister when she saw her standing next to her.

            “I don’t know where Tina is Kit have you seen her? She hasn’t been home in days, and she wouldn’t have missed this for the world. I’m getting really worried.” Bette said her face filled with concern as Ivan went over and wrapped his arms around Kit, drawing a deadly glare from Bette. She bit her tongue, tasting the coppery blood in her mouth as she did, drawing a memory from her mind of Crystal, and Bette pushed it away.

            “Did you call her cell phone baby sister?” Kit asked letting Ivan caress her cheek, making Bette’s face light up in distaste. Hush Bette, keep silent, Kit has made it clear that it is her life to do with as she pleases. Stop being a judgmental bitch.

            “First thing I did also Oscar hasn’t heard from her.” Bette stated, she might not be with Tina anymore but she still worried about her.

            “She’ll be here baby girl, you wait and see.” Kit said and Ivan echoed the sentiment, and it still didn’t sit well with Bette.

*****

            Sam got out of her car she was wearing a tight pair of black pants, and a dark green silky sleeveless shirt. She had on a pair of green tinted sunglasses also her hair was slicked back, making her look very severe as she looked around for Lara.

            “Oh my god, who are you?” Lara said walking to Sam, Lara was wearing a pair of green cargo pants and a white shirt that said, ‘Get Out & Stay Out’ in bright pink and gray. Sam had to laugh as she saw this she had a baseball hat on too, as if she were under cover. The theme song to Mission Impossible played in Sam’s head.

            “I am your way in into the forbidden palace. Now, follow my lead girlie.” Sam said, snapping her fingers her voice taking on a much different timbre as she pulled out photo equipment from the back seat, she handed some camera and bags to Lara.

            “Here, hold this. Now follow me and learn young Padawa.” Sam said, putting an old press pass around her neck and she sauntered up to the entrance of the country club. She met the steely-eyed gaze of the sole guard at the entrance to the wedding party. They were half way there, he broke his gaze and Sam smiled inside.

            “Yeah but Sam they know me here!” Lara said in a hushed voice, filled with urgency.

            Sam gave Lara a look, and she sighed, falling back into being ‘Sam’ and out of the ‘Photographer’. Lara had called her, and she said she needed her. Sam couldn’t say no to a lovely lady especially Lara. She grabbed Lara’s shoulders, shaking her a bit and then pulling the hat down a little more. Lara had to smile Sam was one of the loveliest women she’d ever met.

            “Ok, I’ll help you. Fuck what are you getting me into. Come on, just trust me ok?” Sam said grabbing one of the cameras and walking towards the country club entrance, the guard there looked at her again. Measuring her up and thinking yet another dyke, with a shit load of camera equipment.

            “Hello?” Sam asked/said at the guard, he was a huge hulk of a man and he looked down at the doctor.

            “Are you going to let me in I am the photographer for the event! Hello! You need to step aside young man, I am here from Subaru! Come on, let’s go, chop, chop! Do I need to spell it out for you? S-U-B-A-R-U.” Sam said her voice getting all shrill and high, Lara making a face at Sam, the actress it seemed. An open-mouthed look from the red head as the blonde tomboy gave it her all. Sam’s hands moving around her voice different.

            “Look lady…” The man began, but Sam cut him off with a banter that made Lara look around, not wanting to call attention to herself but here was Sam, doing just that.

            “Lady! Lady? Oh I don’t think so young man, now listen to me, I know I am not on the list, that is because the big boys at Subaru had someone else coming, and he fell through. Old bastard croaked on them so now, you have me, Samantha Leigh Vance. Look if Tonya finds out that there is no one from Subaru here, she is going to lose i so let me in and will not give the bride or one of them, a heart attack on her wedding day!” The guard looked at her, the flamboyant hand gestures and she was carrying camera equipment, he opened the gate.

            “OK!” He said not wanting any trouble from anyone and Sam smiled to herself, she wasn’t done yet. When they were out of earshot, Lara grabbed her and spun her around to face her.

            “Oh my god who was that?” Lara asked Sam and Sam pushed her towards the bushes. Lara laughed and Sam gave her the wickedest grin. It made her face light up and Lara cupped her face, wanting to kiss her for getting her past the hulk at the entrance, just to kiss her for being Sam.

            “That was me, being a total ass!” Sam stated, breathing hard her voice now the same softly accented voice of the angel she was.

            “That was so cool!” Lara said and Sam pulled her away from the other people milling around, Sam looked left and right, pulling the sunglasses off and putting them Lara. She pulled the hat off her and stuffed it into her back pocket. She pinched Lara’s cheek and said with a small smile.

            “Listen Tiger you go find Dana. Ok, go settle this thing between you two.” Sam said and Lara felt a lump in her throat, Sam didn’t have to help her but she had and always did. Lara stood up straight, towering a bit over the tomboy and she met her eyes, those honest eyes that had claimed Lara only a few weeks ago.

            “Oh Sam, I am being totally selfish.” Lara said and Sam shook her head and pulled her close, giving her a half hug.

            “HEY, stop. You asked for help, come on go before that hulk of a man figures out I am not with Subaru.” Sam said and she slapped Lara on the ass as she ran towards the back of the club, where she was hoping that Dana was.  “Now, let’s go find me some ass.” Sam said, loading the camera and snapping pictures as she milled around the place.

*****

            Alice pushed passed a few of Tonya’s milling friends Alice didn’t look at any of them, and she simply pushed through the door of Dana’s dressing room. She took a deep breath and started, she was just going to dive into the deep end. She was not going to give Dana a minute to think, or to stop her from talking.

            Shane saw her coming into the room and she was about to say something but the look on Alice’s face stopped her. Dana saw her and turned away, hiding the tears that had streaked her face only moments earlier.

            “Ok, I know you told me that you never want to see me again. I get that! After being held at gunpoint well I don’t have a fucking thing to lose now. I know what I did was wrong Dane! I got that but you are missing the point!” Alice yelled as Dana got into her dress, Shane trying to get between the two women before a fight broke out. Dana was shaking her head, one tear spilled from her eye as she couldn’t look at Alice.

            “OH I missed the point? I’m always the dumb one, the one that is the last to know…” Dana lamented, and Shane sighed, she hated when people fought, it reminded her of her home life. She tried to touch Dana, but Dana slapped her hand away, and Shane sighed.

            “YEAH! I was the last to know this time….” Alice started and Shane put her hand up and said in a loud enough voice to stop them both in their tracks.

            “Stop! Both of you! No more yelling!” Shane begged, putting a comforting hand on Dana’s lower back. This time Dana didn’t move and Alice stepped closer, oh god she looked so wonderful, and that dress was so perfect on her.

            “I love you Dana Fairbanks! I was deluded, and I kissed you and all these feeling flooded forward and I figured it out! Yes, it was this whole plan to stop you from marrying the cat killer! YES it was! But fuck, I am IN LOVE WITH DANA FAIRBANKS!” Alice yelled at the top of her lungs. Shane grimaces at the harsh ringing in her ears, then inside she smiled, at least something good might come out of today.

            Lara was standing at the door about to barge in when she heard that. She stopped, oh my god you go Alice! Lara thought, she held the doorknob in her hand, about to go into the room. Then she thought, why? The only reason she’d come here was to stop Dana from marrying Tonya, a woman who Lara knew very well. She was actually had gone to school with Tonya, they’d never met officially, but she’d heard a lot about her. She was a few years older than Lara, but Lara knew the type.

“          Well Miss Dana now the rest is up to you.” Lara said softly, leaving the country club to think about where her life was going. She had a lot of things to think about.

******

            “If you haven’t heard from her how about calling around see if she is with friends. Or somewhere she loved to go?” Ivan offered and Bette pulled open her phone, she thought about it for a minute. She had over 200 phone numbers in her cell phone memory. She found and dialed a small bed and breakfast that she and Tina had visited once, she had to start somewhere.

            “Hello, I’m looking for a Tina Kennard or Helena Peabody?” Bette said into the phone and Sam turned around at the mention of the name. She touched Bette’s shoulder and the woman turned to her.

            “Um, s’cuse me. You are looking for Tina Kennard? Blonde hair a few weeks’ pregnant, pretty eyes?” Sam asked and Bette closed the phone looking at the blonde woman.

            “Yes, is she here?” Bette asked, scanning the room and not seeing Tina. Sam swallowed, she was breaking confidentiality if she told her where Tina was, but she thought what the heck. Fuck policy.

            “You a friend?” Sam said hopefully and Ivan stepped up to Sam, and Sam chuckled at the manly gesture, not intimidated by a fake goatee.

            “Yes, we are family.” Kit said, putting a hand on Ivan’s arm, for some reason this woman knew where Tina was and giving her a hard time was not going to get them the information.

            “She’s at Cedars she suffered a miscarriage and had to have a hysterectomy two days ago.” Sam said and then added. “I’m sorry.” Bette’s eyes filled with pain, then the tears rush forth, and Kit was stunned.

            “Are you sure? How do you….”

            “I was her ER doctor, Sam Vance.” Sam extended a hand and Kit took it, Bette was visibly shaken. She was blown away, a hysterectomy, oh poor Tina, that negated the chance of her ever having a child. She had to do something, anything, but now was not the time because Tina wouldn’t want her anywhere near her.

            “We should…”

            “We are not ruining Dana’s day, she didn’t call us, and she didn’t want us to know baby sister.” Kit said, putting her arm around Bette’s waist, and Bette nodded. Kit was right, when did Kit become such a Yoda?

            “She didn’t. Because I wasn’t there when we lost out baby, I ran away.” Bette said, through tears and Sam stepped away, leaving them. Tina why in the world are you with Helena when you can have Bette sure Helena was pretty and all but hello to Miss Bette.

*****

            Shane walked out of the room leaving the two speechless women to themselves then a wicked grin broke her face. Alice and Dana, wow. A glimmer of hope sparked in Shane’s dark emotionless heart, but she tried to squelch it. It would only end up getting broken again and again if she let that hope grace her soul again.

            “Wow.” She said aloud and walked away from the room stuffing her hands into her pockets, thinking and contemplating as she strode slowly. She saw a figure walking away in the other direction, and the ass looked familiar it looked a lot like Lara Perkins, no, it couldn’t be. Shane turned and looked at the room, then at the disappearing red head.

            “Naw.”

Inside the room.

            “Come with me.” Dana said grabbing the train of the dress and pulling Alice out of the room, her fingers intertwined with Dana’s god that felt wonderful Alice thought. She struggled to keep up with the running Alice.

            “Where are….” Alice stammered but Dana gave her a silencing glare making Alice snap her jaw shut.

            “Shhhh!” Dana said, leading Alice out the back way where the limo was waiting, but she was three hours to early. There was no driver waiting to whisk her and Tonya away.

            She pulled the passenger’s door open and pushed Alice in and slapped her ass as she did so. Alice laughed, liking this version of Dana. Dana stuffed the dress into the car, the frill covering her face as she batted it down. She looked for the keys and found them, grabbing the steering wheel and looking over the dress at the road.

            “Fucking thing.” Dana said, and she started the engine of the huge car, starting to back it up but she couldn’t see she heard the scream of metal on metal as she rammed into a car behind her.

            “DANA! You just slammed into a Porsche!” Alice yelled and Dana snorted not caring.

            “They shouldn’t have parked there.” Was all she said as she and Alice drove away. They were going to figure this thing out one way or the other, but she most certainly not going to get married if Alice loved her no way.

            Dana and Alice drove away, the rainbow colored tennis balls tied to the back of the car bouncing around as she whipped the car around the corner and out of the country club.


*****

Empty Room
8/21/04
JG Marie

I need to be alone
I know I really do
Don’t leave me behind
But I was left by you

Why do I feel so alone
You are sitting here with me
Devoid of emotions
Conversations one sided
Why is it so dark here

You are the moon
You are my sun
I move around you
The center of me
My heart only beats when you are around