Previosly…

Tina: Why Bette – why?

Tears are now streaming
down Tina’s face. There’s no sense now trying to maintain her composure. Bette
raises her head and sees the anguish that Tina must be feeling. It saddens her
immensely. She thinks about it for a moment and decides that there’s no point
in holding back. IF she and Tina are to recover then she’ll have to let it all
out – her pain, fears, and insecurities for Tina to see.

Bette: She let me be me.

Tina: What does that mean?
I let you be yourself.

Bette: No Tina – you let
me be Bette Porter – Bette the provider, Bette the adult, Bette the one always
in charge, or Bette the one always in control. With Can

Tina: Don’t you dare say
her name.

Bette: With HER, I didn’t
have to be any of those things. I just had to be me – whoever that is.

Although she felt it was
good that Bette was talking about why she did what she did and how she felt
about it, Tina was finding it very difficult to hear. What bothered her even
more was that Bette felt she could not be herself – not even around Tina. That
really hurt Tina since she felt that she and Bette had always had an open and
honest relationship – until recently that was.

Tina: What do you mean she
let you be you – if you’re not you around me, then who the hell did I spend the
last 7 plus years with?

Bette: It’s difficult to
explain

Tina: Try to explain it
Bette – I need to know.

Bette knew that Tina must
really want to reconcile with her otherwise she wouldn’t put herself through
the torture of hearing that the one person she thought she knew the most was in
fact not who she portrayed herself to be.

Bette eased herself over
to the end of the bed so she could close the distance between she and Tina.
Based on Tina’s body language, Bette felt that that was close enough. Tina sat
there stoically – waiting for Bette’s explanation. Bette nervously fiddled with
the ring that still adorned her left hand. She finally worked up the courage to
continue. She looked directly at Tina and waited for Tina to make eye contact
with her – to Bette it seemed an eternity. Finally Tina looked over at her.
Bette took a deep breath and continued.