Have you ever lost everything you have ever treasured? Ever loved so deep that the hurt you’ve inflicted and received tenfold is permanently infused in your bones? Endured pain and suffering for so long they became the only companions you recognize? After all this, when your soul is completely devoid of any hope, is life worth living?

Day 1

I should have never had Tom draw up those papers. I know it was wrong, but I was desperate. Tina was going to take Angelica away from mestart her new life with Him. Now, look what I’ve done. It’s entirely all my fault; everything has been my fault. What was I thinking, believing I could just keep Angelica with me, even if for a short moment? II’ve ruined any chance, any chance at all.

The evening sky was full of rain clouds hovering above the hills that separated LA proper from the Valley. Darkness descended upon the City of Angels as another winter storm prepared to shower the county with pellets of harsh rain. Bette’s mood was equally dark, oppressive, as she stared out the windshield of her parked Saab at the foreboding sky. As if people sensed the inevitable downpour, the streets were clear of activity, empty as she felt. Silence was the only other passenger, an invited witness to the depressing scene. Bette sat alone with her thoughts; her eyes focused on nothing as the expansive city, a hollowed set dressing, splayed out before her.

The glittering skyline of downtown Los Angeles from Bette’s favorite spot on Mulholland Drive, would often provided solace, but this evening failed to lift her spirit from the abyss into which it had fallen. She had lost it all finally, perhaps forever. She held no ray of hope of ever seeing her beautiful baby again. Tina was sure to deny her, all favors indefinitely revoked. Baby and mother were gone from her life; no longer was Bette able to call either of them “home.”

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Two hours earlier, Bette had returned Angelica to the safety of their house and into the waiting arms of an anxious mother. She knew it was wrong of her to prolong the brief visit with her precious bundle. Fear had set in that if she didn’t turn the car around then, she probably would have ended up doing the unthinkable–the unforgivable, not only in the eyes of the law, but in Bette’s own eyes as well.