2 months later (yeah I know it’s been done but it will be ok I promise I won’t kill anyone)

            “…Even Dana Fairbanks is running, tail between her legs. Rumor has it number three ranked Fairbanks will be retiring next season and just in time to miss her highly anticipated match between her and rookie Crystal Depams who is currently undefeated on the circuit. I mean that’s ridiculous why would I retire?…I’m in the best shape of my life.” a darker, more muscular Dana tossed the paper on the side of the court pulling her tennis racquet from underneath her arm, spinning the handle in her hands.

         “I don’t know Dana but they’re making you look like a pussy, I mean yeah she’s undefeated but she hasn’t played anybody worth mentioning. The press is just looking to start a rivalry, and you’re easy to manipulate sooo.” Dana took her position on the court throwing a disbelieveing glance at Victoria,

           ”I’m not easy to manipulate, I can’t help it if I happen to give a shit about what people are saying about me.” Dana served the ball, a speed twice as fast as last season. She’d worked hard training and her game, body, and on-court confidence were showing the results, Dana won 15 out of the 15 practice matches they’d played and Victoria was ready to call it a day…well, call it a night now since 8:00 was creeping up on them.

             “Ok Fairbanks I think I’m done getting owned by you, wanna get a drink?” Dana shook her head pulling her visor off and wiping the sweat with her armband,

           “Um….I’ll meet you there, maybe, could you set the machine… 90 at 1 and 1/2″ Victoria stared at her in amazement, as Dana returned to her position on the court.

          ”90 miles per hour every one and a half seconds? You’re up to 90? I’ll set it, but I gotta see this.” Victoria set the machine to shoot balls at 95 mph every second, just to mess with her, but Victoria was about to see just how much Dana had been practicing recently.

        She sat on the sidelines and watched, astonished as Dana hit every ball perfectly, even spinning her racquet every few serves as a cocky flourish.

         ‘There’s no way in hell she should even be the least bit scared of Depams, she’s so fast, and damn sexy with that racquet,’ Victoria thought. When Dana had hit the last ball, Victoria expected her to be panting from exhaustion, but instead she ran up to Victoria complaining.

           “Did you set it at 90? That seemed kinda slow,” Victoria looked like she was going to be sick, but Dana never noticed picking up her water bottle and taking a long drink.

          “I set it at 95 and one second…you’re… amazing…wow you really are at the top of your game D.” Dana was taken aback by the compliment, Victoria didn’t give them often and never with the sincerity she was at that moment.

            ”Um…thanks Vic….um…do you think…what do…” Dana began to struggle, trying to ask Victoria about her match with Crystal, she hadn’t been nervous in the beginning, but with all of the press swirling around one game, Dana was feeling the pressure to win. Victoria knew the question she was trying to ask but decided to torment Dana by mocking her babbling.

           ”Do you…Um….uhhhh think?…What? Do I think Depams is going to beat you? No! Come on D, let’s be serious, the only way that little rookie bitch is going to beat you, is if you let her.” Victoria threw an arm around Dana’s shoulders and threw her head back dead tired from practicing, letting out a fake whine.

           “Can we pleeeeease go get a drink now? I know you want to practice some more but it’s 8:30 Dana, and we’ve been here since 8:30 and that was after the nine mile run ok…at-ease solider.” Dana chuckled as they skipped goofily down the empty tennis courts giggling and attempting to trip one another.


****


          “So Shane says ‘yeah I think I might be able to work something out’ work something out? I was just sitting there mouth wide open… I mean fuckin’ Portia de Rossi.” Carmen in Shane’s lap gesturing wildly and almost kicking Jenny who sat across from them on the couch in Alice’s living room. Alice sat with her back against the wall typing away on her laptop but still managing to listen,

          “Big Shane is pulling down some big clients, huh?” Alice clicked away as Shane leaned back to look Alice in the eye,

         “Please don’t call me ‘big Shane’ Al…it’s a little…” Jenny pipped in,

        “Perturbing?” Carmen chimed in behind her,

        “Creepy, nasty…Big Shane is like the equivalent of like…Big Daddy” Alice shrugged without missing a beat typing, Jenny peered over her shoulder,

         “What are you writing about? I read you column last week and it was really good um…” Alice looked up from her computer suddenly a little more interested in the conversation.

          “Gender confusion in hetero-middle America?” Jenny nodded and Alice seemed excited and energized, as Jenny looked to Carmen and Shane a little sorry she had asked.

           ”Yeah you’d be suprised just how many heterosexual men and women are confused about their role in society. Where lesbians and gays as a group have defined their role to themselves, the straight boys and girls are trying to define themselves to a changing society. So how can you define something that’s ever changing? Well you see…” Shane stopped her,

            ”Ok Al, um this has gone on long enough…Do you remember the intervention we had with Tina and Bette a few years ago?” Alice stopped mid-sentence as Jenny winced knowingly, then it hit her, she shook her head not wanting to accept the dreaded truth, there was no way she was boring…she was Alice, she was lithe and lighthearted, full of leisure and levity and all those other L words that you knew had to be coming.

            Carmen patted her on the back trying to comfort a bewildered Alice,

           ”You know it’s natural Alice to throw yourself into something after struggling so long with an addiction, and well since you stopped with the medication you’ve been kinda consumed with your work.” Alice still stared ahead realizing how right they were, she’d become boring. After struggling with Dana and the prescription drugs she’d lost that thing that made her Alice, she leaned her head back against the couch sighing loudly as Jenny ran her fingers through Alice’s hair. Shane sat up and Carmen settled next to her on the floor,

           “We’re sparing you the pain of a survey but if you took it, well, it wouldn’t be pretty. I mean when was the last time you put in your contacts? Or showered before 4:00?” Alice stared at her lap nodding in agreement,

          “Great…I’m boring…I’m fucking Alex Trebeck…actually I heard he’s gay I wonder if I could do an article on him, I could call it “Homosexuality for three-hundred.” Alice began typing a ‘mental note’ on her computer and Carmen grabbed her hands.

           ”Alright I see we aren’t really getting through to you..so,” Alice shut her computer in frustration, and stood up.

            “No…no, no, you are. I know I’ve been throwing myself into my work but, guys this is all I have right now and for once I’m pretty content, I mean I haven’t cried at all this week, and the only pills I’ve taken have been asprin for my cramps and I only took three too many. So I don’t know what else to do…” The group smiled looking at each other, and as Alice’s rant trailed off, Carmen couldn’t contain her excitement.

          “We’ve got a suprise!…” Alice feigned excitement slapping on a fake smile that she hoped was believable…It wasn’t, Carmen still bounced a little excited about the nearing adventure, Shane decided Carmen was taking too long so she interrupted.

          ”We’re taking you to a bar…a straight bar.” Carmen looked to Shane disappointed,

          “por qu usted hara eso? usted sabe que dese decir a Alice.” Silence filled the room as everyone paused confused waiting for Carmen to explain…or translate. Carmen blushed a little,

           “Sorry…I didn’t say that in English, did I?” They collectively shook their heads ‘no’ and moved on, Alice sighed loudly,

            “A straight bar? I don’t know guys I mean it could be fun…for me… but what are you going to do, besides get drunk and embarrass me?” Shane chuckled and stood up next to Alice putting an arm around her,

           “Oh, while you’re scamming for the sausage, Carmen, Jenny and I have a little game that we’re going to play.” Carmen interrupted, her way of getting Shane back for earlier,

            “We’re going to femme Shane up, and bet on how many free drinks she can get,” Alice laughed hard and looked to a slightly embarrassed and nodding Shane,

            ”You agreed to that?” Alice smirked and Shane shrugged,

           “Hey I get free drinks and if I get at least five numbers Carmen has to butch it up one night.” Carmen raised her hands owning to the bet,

           “It’s true, it’s true if Shane, oh excuse me Shayla gets five numbers I will be a regular “hundred footer” for a night.” Alice looked confused,

          “Shayla?” Shane explained,

           ”Yeah Jenny thought it would be funny to use a fake “femmy” name…Although I like Shane just fine.” Jenny interrupted in her defense,

          “The male ego won’t be as accepting to ‘Shane’, they need the damsel in distress. They want a “Shayla” to rescue, ‘Shane’ slays her own dragons.” Though everyone wasn’t sure that was a valid argument they let it go, after all it was Jenny.

         Alice rested her head on her laptop, deciding this was the next logical step. The final movement in moving on, Dana hadn’t called her since that night two months ago, and while Alice was disappointed, she conceded that she did tell her to leave her alone. Too bad Alice didn’t mean it, she placed her laptop on the ground and stood up straight ready to take this on. 

       ”OK…when are we going?” Carmen stood up in the same exaggerated super-hero manner Alice had,

       “10:00 tonight, wear something…not that,” Alice looked herself over, jeans, an orange graphic t-shirt with “Quiet Riot” screened across the side and her thick-framed glasses. The gang filed out of Alice’s apartment as she mumbled,

“Whatever, I’m fucking hot.”


****

           “I gotta say, Fairbanks you really do clean up nicely.” Victoria muttered to herself as she waited outside Dana’s apartment, She sighed as the her tennis partner hopped down the stairs, Dana wore a snug, light green top that cris-crossed front and back, giving Victoria a great view of the new, well-earned muscles across her shoulders and stomach. Victoria chuckled and sighed as Dana tripped down the last stair,

            “You’re really getting under my skin D,” Victoria accidentally mumbled aloud, as Dana flopped into the passengers seat,

            ”I’m what?” Dana stared at Victoria a goofy faultless look that made babies look guilty, ‘a picture of innocence’ Victoria thought, her mind then flashing to bedroom Dana, wildly confident and unrestrained. A complete opposite in public,

            ‘well maybe not that innocent’ Victoria smirked snapping back to reality and to a very confused Dana,

         ”HEEEEELLLLLLOOOOOOO? I was talking to you Vic, I SAID did you just say something to me?” Victoria recovered a little embarrassed, 

         ”Um…yeah sorry…tennis…on my mind…I said ‘Good job a getting down those stairs D.” Dana blushed and Victoria gave an inward sigh of relief, starting her blue Honda Accord and pulling out of the driveway, painfully slow. Dana cringed,

          “Maybe I should have drove…somehow I keep forgetting how bad a driver you are.” Victoria slammed on the brakes and Dana clenched the dashboard in fear,

          “I’m a bad driver because I’m cautious? Because I follow the speed limit and use my turn signal? People die in these things D, they DIE…one day you’re just driving down the street to get a freakin ice cream sandwich then BOOM!” Victoria slaps her hands together in front of Dana’s face causing her to jump,

          ”DEAD! Do you want that to be you? Huh? Plastered on the sidewalk with your brains hanging out of the side of your head,” Dana shook her head violently as VIctoria pulled the car out of the driveway, a little faster, muttering about vehicle safety all the way to the bar.


****


         Alice stood in a different crowded bar fifteen miles west of Dana sighing,

‘Not really a pick of the litter night is is?’ she thought to herself. Business men in boring suits and trampy girls lined the bar area where Alice was parked, her eyes on Carmen, Jenny and Shane, who sat at a table roaring in laughter.

         Shane wore a pair of old-looking Levi’s and a tight-fitting suit jacket with a old t-shirt underneath, not really different from ‘regular Shane’ but with a different walk and a straightened hairstyle that screamed straight she was quite believable as a femme.

          Shane began to giggle girlishly as a potential suitor approached her, this only made Jenny and Carmen laugh even harder.

           ”Excuse me…I was wondering what you were drinking?” Jenny and Carmen’s eyebrows lifted as Shane tried hard not to laugh, pitching her voice a little higher and brushing her hand across her chest, a move Shane decided, she enjoyed to watching on the ladies so why wouldn’t he?

           “Cosmopolitan, double shot.” Shane ordered the girliest and strongest drink she could think of, ‘Three drinks down, two to go.’ Shane thought a little sluggish, the catch-22 about this game was the actual drinking. Shane already had three Cosmos with double shots not to mention the beer she drank before they started this little game, it began getting a little harder to control herself. Alice flopped down in one of the extra chairs next to Jenny frustrated,

           “Guys, this sucks everyone here looks like shit,” Alice announced over the roar of the bar that seemed to get a little softer after her comment. Alice looked at one of the customers who stared at her disbelieving,

           “Not you though…you’re attractive.” Alice winked at him stirring her drink, and looking bored, Carmen leaned forward to grab her hands.

          “You’re not giving up are you? Come on Al there’s gotta be someone here, we never do straight stuff so this is like your only chance.” Alice smiled pretending to be offended,

            “You know you’re not the only friends I have, I happen to have quite a few straight friends.” The table collectively laughed as Shane slurred in,

           “Yeah right name one straight friend you have, you work at a gay and lesbian magazine, live in West Hollywood and hang out at The Planet. The way I see it you need to look around and memorize these faces…they’re the last straight people you’re going to see in a while.” Alice chuckled,

           “I don’t know ‘Shayla’ you’re lookin pretty straight to me…and a little tipsy I might add, how many have you had?” Shane threw her head back drunkenly and Jenny held four fingers up behind her. Alice winced hardly noticing the attractive dark haired gentleman observing her from across the room, Alice laughed happily with her friends satisfied with her life and finally unworried about love.

           Apparently no one told the writer that sometimes that’s when love finds you…when you’re perfectly content. Heathcliff M. Wright quietly observed Alice toss her head back and laugh heartily, he had already recognized her, they had met a while back when she was dating Gabby Deuvaux. He watched her a moment more then smoothed his black suit slowly approaching the table,

           ”Alice Pieszecki?” Dark hair and green eyes very similar to Dana’s Heathcliff smiled sweetly craning his neck to ‘recognize’ the young blonde. Alice turned her head and look up to the striking gentleman who stood above her, the writer gave a ‘hell yeah’ smile to the table then stood to meet Heathcliff.

          “Yes? I’m sorry do I know you?” Alice giggled which caused Heathcliff to smile and extend his hand in greeting, “Heathcliff Wright…we met a couple of years ago…through Gabby Deuvaux.” Shane mumbled behind her as she always did at the mention of Gabby’s name, Alice swung her head back quickly trying to ignore Shane’s comment. The blonde scratched her head nervously trying to place him,

            “It’s ok we only meet once, the only reason I remember you is well…I found you to be…staggeringly beautiful and well I was wondering if I could possibly buy you a drink and get to know you.” Alice blushed at his comment then thought about having another possible connection to Gabby. Is that really someone she really wanted to even run into again? Alice winced thinking about it further and not finding an answer she liked,

            ‘thinking things through that’s what we’re doing now Alice’ the writer had to remind herself she nodded then looked at him again wondering if she could possibly just sleep with him.

‘No Alice! Bad! Bad Alice just say no…you don’t need more drama and this has it written all over it.’ Heathcliff interrupted her thoughts, realizing what was keeping her.

              “I didn’t sleep with Gabby…and I don’t think we will ever run into each other again…I fired her so…” Alice interrupted him quickly,

            “So a drink then?” Heathcliff led her to the bar, a smile on his face.