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    We all need explanations: Part two of three

    Story written on April 25, 2006 by Amadeus.
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    53 votes, average: 3.30 out of 553 votes, average: 3.30 out of 553 votes, average: 3.30 out of 553 votes, average: 3.30 out of 553 votes, average: 3.30 out of 5 (53 votes, average: 3.30 out of 5)
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    Character(s): N/A
    Number of Comments: 14
    Words: 2245
    Story Shortlink: https://lesfan.com/?p=60591
    Author Notes:

    As always, explanations have repercussions, which in turn need more explanations . . .

    "Oh, God, Bette, no, no, I didn’t come here to hurt you again."

    "Then what for, Tina, what did you come here for?  Do you think I enjoy being humiliated?  Do you think I relish every opportunity you give me to fall into confusion and self-doubt?  Do you think I – can – ever – stop – loving you?"  Bette collapsed onto her arms on the plastic-topped table, in floods of tears.  Her shoulders shook as she sobbed profoundly.  Tina lightly held Bette’s arm, silent until the sobbing subsided.
     

    Eventually, Bette raised her head, eyes puffy, red-rimmed and blood-shot.
    "I’m going to the bathroom.  It’s up to you whether you are here when I get back, or not."

    As she watched Bette walk off in the direction of the ladies room, a little stooped, obviously still weeping and clearly distressed, Tina began to panic.  Here she was, floundering her way through a meeting which she had asked for, having already dealt Bette several unjustifiable blows, and completely failing in any attempt she might have planned to provide her former partner with good and comprehendable reasons why she, Tina, had behaved so uncharacteristically, so perplexingly, so unkindly over the past nine months.  Indeed, it was a veritable gestation period, but all that she was now bringing to birth was repeated misery, further complexity and a whole network of one-way streets from which no number of u-turns was going to provide her with an exit.
    "Tina, you fool, you utter, stubborn, selfish fool," she berated herself beneath her breath.  Then the counter argument:
    "No, I came here to explain.  I’ve thought this out over countless sleepless nights.  I know what happened.  I can explain it.  I understand it.  Why the hell can’t I convey it to Bette?!"  She continued with the lecture she was delivering to herself:
    "Okay. I talked about motherhood. Boy, was that a thoughtless description.  Of course Bette is Angelica’s mother, too.  Did I put that right?  Yes, yes, I think so.  I explained that I meant bodily child-bearing.  Birth-mother, that was what I meant.  But why should that be so much more important than intellectual, emotional and spiritual mother?  Maybe I haven’t thought this through after all.  What happened next?" 

    She paused, knowing she did not have much time at her disposal to set her mind straight enough to know whether she should still be there when Bette re-emerged from the restroom, or not.
    "What happened next?  Missing part – Angelica my missing part.  Something else – what was it?  Oh, God, yes, my miscarriage.  Why do I think of all these experiences as mine instead of ours?  Bette wasn’t there for me when I needed her.  No, you’ve been through that one – she might not have been there in a physical presence, but she was always there for me, except that – except that I repeatedly pushed her away."    Tina’s panic level rose dramatically.  She began to feel claustrophobic.  She needed air.
    "I can’t do this.  I’ve got to get out.  I can’t breathe."
    Becoming increasingly frantic, Tina dragged rather than slid her way off the booth bench and staggered to her feet, the panic attack taking over second by second.  She began to lurch towards the entrance to the diner.  It was fortunate that the small square tables were screwed to the floor as she grabbed each and every one she passed to support her lumbering exit.

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    Comments

    3. I am placing my vote for a new beginning. The very strong connection is still there. Tina is still very much connected to Bette. She still senses her, she still needs her to comfort her, and she still loves Bette. There is no doubt that Bette still and will always love Tina. This is a heart wrenching story but a needed one. Thank you for this heart breaking chapter.

    7. I like the feeling. No matter how long and how far they’re apart. They still have the connection. They’re still the one who knows one another the best.

    8. Been playing catch up on your amazing story amadeus……I can see I have missed the story so much and glad that I had time to read it :o) – absolutely amazing and breathtaking. Post soon

    14. Loving the Alpha Bette here..say it now Tina ’cause you won’t get another chance. I’m not playing anymore games with you, cut to the chase. Can Tina step up and spit it out, does she even know what she wants from Bette?

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