Fan Fiction
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Somebody Bring Me Some Water
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“Good morning, everyone! This is Alice Pieszecki and you’re listening to The Chart on KCRW. Actually, today I’m not going to discuss the Chart as I just heard something really crazy at The Planet in West Hollywood that I just have to share with you…”
‘Oh no,’ thought KCRW’s producer as she looked up to the heavens. ‘Not another wacked out Dana story. Must we dig up old bones? Can’t the woman just rest in peace for a day?’ But she was immediately brought back to Alice’s world at the mention of…
“…a water shortage. That’s right, folks. Supposedly there has been a water shortage in various parts of the world.” Alice stopped to take a first sip of her Planet coffee, which she realized tasted like poopie-shit. ‘Hmmm maybe it’s the lack of water. Nah, Helena just hasn’t quite figured out how to work the machine even though she’s been working there for awhile since Peggy cut her off.’
“Normally, this kind of information would cause alarm, as well as be even more boring than my friends Tina and Bette who just recently reconciled for the final time,” said Alice as she smiled at the thought of Tina lounging out back in her blue fuzzy wuzzy slippers while Bette played in the pool with their daughter Angelica on a lazy Saturday morning. “But the reason for this shortage is even more insane than the shortage itself.” Alice absently went to take another sip of coffee, but narrowed her eyes and made a face as soon as the cup reached her lips. She promptly dropped it into the nearby trashcan.
“The reason for this water shortage…are you ready for this? The reason is that several women all over the world have been taking multiple showers…COLD showers even…each day as the result of being turned on so much by fanfiction.” Alice could just picture the “What the fuck?” looks of her listeners as she let the last statement fly from her kissable lips.
“I know some of you out there are asking to no one in particular, ‘What in the world is fanfiction?’ Actually I asked the same thing but I was told that fanfiction is where you take characters, plots, etc. from a TV show or movie and write your own stories. Some are funny, some are sad, but apparently the ones that made all of these women all but bathe in ice cubes were really, REALLY hot. Of course I had to probe for more information. It’s what I do, you know? So I asked the people who were discussing this situation, who requested they be referred to as jomarad and gogk, if there was a specific TV show or movie that evoked all of this so-called hot fanfiction. With devilish grins, they told me a show called ‘The L Word’ was a MAJOR contributor of intense fanfiction material. I asked if that was the show that was supposed to be about lesbians but lately it’s not, but it’s sort of okay because one of the characters is a really cute radio show host and they excitedly said it was. And now let’s hear a word or fifty from our sponsors.”
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That was hilarious. Glad to see some of my favorite writer in it thanks
That was just great—just great!! You have a fantastic sense of humor.
Oh god my sides hurt from laughing so hard. You should really send this to the L word actresses. I think that they would get a kick out of it. Yes, I have been known to visit the cool waters of the shower due to some very HOT and STEAMY stories on this site. But, Lamentamini you need to add yourself to that list. Oh and by the way thanks for writing a together Bette and Tina.
Lament!, what were you thinking, suggesting me to bathe in ice cubes. I HURT MY BUTT SO BADLY, I NEVER SPEAK TO YOU AGAIN! ;)
LMAO! Well… I have to leave a comment on this one don’t I? Its great to see you decided to post! (I don’t just say that because I’m in there but it made me do a happydance this early in the morning :D) I think it’s very original! COOL! (no pun intended…) LOL
PRICELESS. Glad I caught it before I hit the hay! Thanks for the giggles.
Good to see you again and this is good!
Damn girl, I knew you would make us proud. That was hilarious, very creative. I loved it!
good job….I would add Justkeepswimming, Greentea and Sandscribe. And an older story by More than satisfied was very good.
This was hilarious! I laughed all the way through…thanks!
you go girl.WELCOME BACK KOTTER!!!!!!!!! we need all the tibette stories we can get. lol
Like I said in the author’s note, I couldn’t fit everyone in and that much sucks. I didn’t think anyone wanted to read 10 pages of author shout-outs. lol
=D amazing i can’t stop to laugh! you did it great! thanks for this funny post you are really good!
thanks for not including me in…thanks a lot…LOL, it was hilarious, you’re right, it’s hard to mention all the wonderful writers on this site, i have them all written down and it takes me 30 min just to go through their names…this was really great
this was hilarious, but you forgot lastkid, merlin, sparta jones, justkeepswimming and sandscribe!!! I bow to ALL of you!!!
Lami! You’ve done it again! Very nice!
cool story
Heya, great story! And I’m not just saying that because I was mentioned, haha. No, it was really creative. You captured Alice’s voice very well. I could practically hear her speaking in that odd radio personality tone she does. I hope you win, this was really fun.
Fantastic! Had me laughing my ass off and desperately scribbling down the recommendations you included. I have read most of them and noticed in the past that you seem to comment on all the stories I love the most so you must have good taste! Obviously there are other fantastic stories out there but I am going to start on your suggested reading list. Thanks! Oh and do you think I can get an extension on my essaays using “addicted to fanfiction” as a medical excuse? I hope so, otherwise I may fail my degree. Oh well! Thanks for posting, keep writing whenever you want to – we will be here to read it! Oh and you (or Alice) can share my shower anytime you like!
Very Good Babe.I like your style writing =)
Hilarious.