Now I’m Nothing?  PT 1.

It was a usual day. The same glimpses all the time. And fuck what about time? How much of it has gone bye, how much of it I will never get back. Something has been plaguing me lately; I had this t shirt of my favorite band. It was a black and gold Nine Inch Nails tee from the Pretty Hate Machine era. On the back it read Now I’m Nothing along with the Nin logo in big bold letters. I can’t find it anywhere and it’s driving me crazy.

All day long I wondered where it went. I wondered where the fuck did it go? I think about it long enough for the next seat in my life to be taken.

Later that day… at Lavender.

The day went as usual, girls walk in somehow knowing my history and wanting a part of me. Alice would say it was all my fault and of course she is right, it is my fault. End of the day finally ready close shop. Jane my assistant wanted to know if there was anything else I needed. I told her she could leave. And that everything was under control.

Me I am sweeping up and cleaning the clippers, restocking the all the days usage. As the owner of Lavender I really could have the “help do it” as Helena would say, but it’s a habit I haven’t been able to shake. Jane says “goodnight” as she leaves. I don’t answer.

Phone rings and I am about to go into the sorry we are booked solid routine when I hear the crisp accent Alice is always raving about on the other end. “Shane “, the voice says. “Yeah”,   “Well I need to speak with on a rather important matter.” Why don’t you drive up to L.A., we could catch up Alice would love to see you, what do you say drinks at Remy’s? “Well Helena I am not sure it’s my birthday and I kinda wanted to spend it on my own.” “I see, well I am not one to pester, the offer has been extended and if you opt not to, I’ll understand. Though the matter is quite urgent, anyhow I won’t keep you any longer, but I promise if you do make the trip Alice will behave.” I think to myself Alice never behaves. “Well I think about it goodbye Helena.” And before she could reply the phone is back safe and sound on the hook.