Bette and her lawyer, Sheri Morgan had arrived at the courthouse early, because Bette couldn’t contain herself any longer within the confining walls of Sheri’s downtown office. Now, fifteen minutes later, Bette was driving them both crazy with her constant pacing up and down…up and down the echoing linoleum floors…the clicking of her high heels causing even the most patient of people to stare annoyingly at her.

Twenty steps up…stop…turn…twenty steps back…the precision of her movements enough to make the toughest Drill Sargent proud. She knew her movements were angering those close by, but she had no choice…she had to keep moving. She was so terrified of what today would bring, that she knew if she stopped now, the stillness created would cause her body to react similarly to how it did when she would try to lay down when drunk…the room to spin, and her stomach lurch…the whole scenario ending with her running frantically towards the privacy of the nearest restroom.

“Sit down Bette. All this pacing isn’t helping anyone.”

Bette’s eyes began to tear up. “I can’t. I need to keep moving.” She looked at her lawyer despondently. “What if he says I can’t see Angelica anymore? What if he legally takes her out of my life forever?”

Sheri reached out and rubbed her hand up and down Bette’s arm through her perfectly tailored navy blue suit jacket. “We have a good case Bette. Given the facts, there is no doubt Angelica is your child as well as Tina’s. However, you know the law is totally discretionary when it comes to second parent rights for gays and lesbians. It is all in how the judge interprets them.”

Locking eyes with her compassionate lawyer, Bette whispered. “I don’t know what I will do if she takes her away from me.”

Squaring her shoulders, without another word, she turned around and started pacing again. And, although the noise of her heels was frustrating to say the least, no one sitting close by could bring themselves to ask the beautiful, but clearly distraught woman to stop.

Blowing out a breath, Bette finally turned toward the courtroom door. “Bette?” Sheri asked warily, wondering what her client was going to do now.

As she reached out for the door handle to the courtroom that her case was assigned, Bette gave Sheri a defeated look. “I can’t take this wait any longer. I’m just going to go in and watch. Maybe listening to the people in there now will distract me.”

Shaking her head in resignation, she knew there was nothing she could do to help calm the nerves of the incredibly sad woman standing before her. She felt terrible, because she also knew that this very loving woman had, at best a 50 50 shot at having a future with a child she loved as much as if she had given birth to her. “Okay, but come back out as soon as they adjourn.”

Taking a deep breath, Bette grabbed the door handle and slid into the courtroom, hoping not to attract attention to herself.

“Okay Mr. Paulsen, tell me why visitation rights are not enough for you, and why you feel you should share custody of…” The Judge looked quickly down at the papers in front of him. “Nicole.”

Bette heard the question, and quietly found a seat, while a nice looking man, who looked to be in his early thirties stood up, keeping his hands clasped onto the desk in front of him for support.

“Well Your Honor, I believe I should share custody of Nicole, rather than just have visitation rights, because I believe with all my heart that she is my daughter, just as much as she is Nancy’s daughter. I may not be related to her by blood, but she is as much a part of me as anyone genetically linked to me.” He stopped for a moment, looking down at his hands that had now turned white from gripping the desk so tight.

Letting go, he took a deep breath and looked back up, staring straight into the eyes of the man who would decide his future with his daughter. “Nancy and I fell in love very fast. It was the most intense experience I have ever had, except for the instant, overwhelming love I felt when Nicole was born. However, Nancy and I had both come from broken homes, so we were both wary of quote the “institution of marriage,” if you will. We saw how bitter both our parents had been during their divorces, and didn’t want any part of that. We talked for hours about how all that anger had filtered down to us children, and knew we never wanted to put our own kids through that. So, we decided that we didn’t need a piece of paper to declare our love and commitment for each other. We believed in the strength of our love, and believed that was more important than a piece of paper. We thought we were making things less complicated should we ever part. We did however exchange rings to symbolize with a circle, the depth of our unending love for the other.”

Bette was already mesmerized by his story, as she watched him stop, take a quick drink of water and continue.

“After about four years, we knew our relationship was strong…stronger we thought, than both our parents had been. So, we started talking seriously about having a child, and Nancy stopped taking her birth control pills…although…” He lowered his voice and added with frustration. “Although, in the end, it wouldn’t have mattered…since I am sterile.”

Raising his voice to a normal level, he went on, this time not wanting to look at anyone in the eye…not wanting to see the pity that was always there when they heard the one word that could always conjure up sympathy…sterile. But, he didn’t want their pity, or their sympathy. They had found a way to be a family without using his sperm…hadn’t they?

“We tried and tried to get pregnant, but after about a year and a half realized something must be wrong. So, we both got tested, and of course the results came back with me being sterile. However, Nancy and I were in love, and we knew we could provide a loving home to a child. In fact…” Once again he stopped, but this time he looked over at the petite brunette sitting to his right. “Any child would be lucky to have Nancy as their mother…any child.”

For a brief moment, the woman turned to look at her ex partner, her eyes’s showing warmth and love, and then immediately they closed off and went back to their previously angry stare.

Looking back at the Judge, his facial expression turned intent. “We decided to go to a sperm bank and find a donor that had a lot of my physical traits…wanting our child to be as much a part of both of us as was possible without the genetic link. We spent days looking through potential donors until we found one that had very similar looks to me, and personality traits as well.”

For the first time since the man had started his “argument”, he smiled at the imposing Judge. “We found one though, and nine months later we had Nicole.” He continued, not able to wipe the goofy grin off his face while talking about his daughter. “She is beautiful Your Honor. Do you have a picture of her in your file?” He reached into his jacket pocket, and taking out a photograph, held it out towards the Judge. “Here..see for yourself.”

The Judge waved him off, but gave him a look of indulgence. “No no…that’s okay…keep the picture.”

“Well…anyway Your Honor, we were happy…at least I thought we were happy. Watching Nicole …loving Nicole…being her father in every sense of the word, was the most honoring experience of my life. Then….one day two years later, Nancy came to me and said she had met someone else.” He eyes filled with tears, barely able to choke out the rest. “She said she had fallen in love with him, and that she was leaving me and taking Nicole with her. I was devastated, but when I said something about sharing custody of Nicole, Nancy said that was the whole reason we never got legally married wasn’t it, so that we wouldn’t put our children through what we had both gone through as children. She said she felt it was better for Nicole if she didn’t have to live in two different homes, and have all that confusion, and that I should be grateful…..that’s right, grateful, because we weren’t married, and Nicole wasn’t my biological child, that our separation would be so much EASIER.”

For the first time he looked at Nancy with disgust. “Easier…that’s the word she used for me losing the love of my life and my child…..easier.” Looking back at the Judge, he stood up straight and proud. “I was there for the planning of Nicole. I was there for the insemination of Nicole. I was there for her birth. I was there for her every day and night until Nancy took her away from me. Please Your Honor…I am Nicole’s father…I am the father she knows and loves. Please let us continue to be the family Nancy and I created, even though Nancy and I are not together…I am Nicole’s father, and I want her with me equally as she is with her mother.”

Taking one last deep breath, he gave the Judge a determined nod. “Thank you.”

The Judge just sat there for a moment, looking back and forth between Nicole’s father and Nancy. “Well, Mr. Paulsen, I happen to agree with you, as does the State of California. Since you and Ms. Larson were together for just over seven years, you had what is called a common law marriage. Nicole is a product of that marriage…therefore I rule in favor of the Plaintiff. Custody of the minor child will be evenly divided between both Mr. Paulsen, and Ms. Larsen.”

With that, he picked up his gavel and forcefully hit it against its matching wooden base. Court’s adjourned.”

Bette jumped up from her seat and rushed out of the courtroom, jubilant with what she had just witnessed. Maybe…just maybe she did have a chance to be Angelica’s mother…both in her heart, and according to the law.

As she came out of the door, she spotted Sheri and smiled at her…really smiled for the first time in months. “You won’t believe what just happened in there! I think we might have a chance after all!”

Sheri couldn’t help but be caught up in Bette’s jubilance. “Why, what happened?”

Just then Bette saw Tina walk into the courtroom with Henry holding possessively onto her arm. Looking back at Sheri, her excitement faded a bit, but she squeezed her lawyer’s arm, and said, “Come on, let’s get my daughter back.”

~ ~ ~

“All rise…court is now in session, The Honorable Peter Langer presiding.”

Everyone stood as the same middle-aged Caucasian man briskly walked into the courtroom that Bette had just watched give Mr. Paulsen joint custody of a child that wasn’t biologically his…in a situation that was very similar to her own. His starched white shirt peaked out from the top of his robe, buttoned so tight around his neck, that it created a second bulging chin. Lowering himself into his high-backed leather chair, he opened up the file that the clerk had placed on his desk.

“Okay…what have we got here?”


……..Once again Bette felt an urgent need to move. She was having trouble breathing…not understanding how the same man…who seemed so understanding of the complications of the case before, could now be sitting in front of her telling her that her relationship with Angelica was a non issue in the court of law. She knew if she didn’t move soon, she would feel the spinning take over…would feel the nausea slowly make its way up into her throat.

“But, Your Honor…how can you say I am not Angelica’s mother, when under the same circumstances you gave joint custody to Mr. Paulsen before me? Every part of Angelica’s creation parallels that case, the only difference is I am a woman, not a man. But, that shouldn’t have any bearing on my part in the creation, and the continuance of this family.”

“Ms. Porter, you have absolutely nothing in common with my last case. That MAN and woman were considered married in the eyes of this court. You, Ms. Porter have no rights in this courtroom. Whatever you and Ms. Kennard had, it was not a marriage…not in here anyway.”

The Judge shook his head at Bette while gathering up the papers in front of him, then handing them off to the clerk. With a flick of his wrist he dismissed Bette, while taking his parting shot.

“Look, you’re a very pretty woman. I am sure you will have no problem finding some other woman to share your…..time with. Or better yet, you are a woman, why not just have your own child. Ms. Kennard clearly does not want you to be part of HER child’s life. Besides…” Looking over, he gave Henry a small, but telling nod. “…now that there is a father figure in Angelica’s life, I agree with her. That child is not now, nor will she ever be yours. Court is adjourned.”

Once again he picked up his gavel and slammed it down against the wooden base.

BANG!!

Tina shot straight up in bed, the echo of the gavel still reverberating in her head. “No!!” She gasped. “No, I would never let that happen to Bette!”

“Hmmmm…what honey?” Henry mumbled, still half asleep. “What’d you say?”

Hearing the baritone voice come from the body laying next to her confused Tina for a moment. Then reality all came crashing down around her. Bette was no longer her partner. She was with Henry now. And, they were scheduled to go to court tomorrow because Bette was suing for joint custody of Angelica.

“She should have joint custody. She is Angelica’s mother just as I am.” Her dream had been so real, Tina could feel the anger coursing through her thinking about that horrible judge.

Henry, now awake enough to hear the mutterings of his girlfriend, raised himself up on his elbow. “Tina, what are you talking about?”

Looking down at the disheveled man who had come into her life during a time when she was vulnerable…questioning who she was…Tina knew in an instant that not only would she agree to Bette sharing custody, but that this same man would be very upset with her decision.

“I’m going to agree to Bette having joint custody. I am also going to restart the adoption process if that is what she wants, which I am sure it is.”

“What!!!” Henry said with disbelief. “But, why Tina? Why?”

“Because she is Angelica’s other mother Henry. Right? I mean, isn’t that how I introduced her to you the first time you met? Isn’t that how I talked about her when we were first dating?”

“Yes, but things have changed now.”

“How Henry? How have they changed?”

“Well, you’re with me now. And, by allowing Bette to adopt Angelica, then you are essentially saying you don’t want me to be her father. You don’t want me to help raise her.”

Tina and Henry both just looked at each other in silence.

“Is that what you’re saying Tina?”

“Henry…” Tina blew out a breath. Life was so unfair sometimes. And, the double standard between men and women, straight and gay were just more roadblocks for people who were struggling just trying to find their way in life. Just trying to find some form of happiness in a world where the chips so often seem to be stacked against them.

“Henry,” Tina repeated. “I don’t get to adopt Mickey, yet I know you want me in his life. I know you want me to help raise him with you and Shannon. Why can’t you understand that you will be in Angelica’s life, even though she already has two parents? Can’t you see the double standards in your thinking?”

“Because Tina, I want us to be a family.”

“We are a family Henry!” Tina ran her fingers through her hair exasperated.

“But..”

“Let me ask you a question.”

“Okay,” Henry responded, not sure where this conversation was going to go next.

“If you and I were together…”

“We are together Tina.”

Tina gave him a warning look.

“Say you and I had been together for several years, have never married, but still want to have a baby together.”

This comment brought a smile to Henry’s face.

“But, we found out that you were sterile.”

The smile just as quickly disappeared.

“So, we go to a sperm bank and choose a donor together, one who has similar looks and interests as you. I get pregnant, give birth, and we go on with our lives. Then, several years later, I meet someone else and fall in love. I decide to leave you for this other person…”

“Person?” Henry interrupts again. “Is this person a woman or a man?”

Shaking her head in disgust, “Jesus Henry. Men are so…whatever, I leave you for another man, okay?”

“Hey,” Henry holds up his hands in surrender. “I’m just making sure you aren’t leaving me for a woman in this scenario. Another man, I can complete with, a woman…well, hey…” Henry looks up at the ceiling, and then snaps his fingers. “Considering I did take you away from a woman, I guess I can compete!” He sat up in the bed, all of a sudden feeling much better about this story.

“Okay, you fell in love with someone else…”

Tina is clenching her teeth at Henry’s egotistical reactions to her story. She was trying to repeat the story from her dream, yet with every word that was coming out of his mouth, she wasn’t sure she wanted to continue.

“Anyway, because we weren’t married, I decided that I didn’t want you to share custody of the child with me. I didn’t want the child to have to come from a broken home and be shuffled between two houses. My question to you is, do you think you would have the right to sue for joint custody of the child, even though that child was not biologically yours?”

Henry looked at Tina like she had two heads. “Are you kidding Tina? Of course that child is just as much mine as yours. I mean, we were basically married in this scenario of yours. I helped pick out the donor, was there for the insemination, the birth. I was the child’s father for several years…I would fight you till my last breath if that were the case!”

Henry reached out and took hold of Tina’s hand. “But, thankfully you and I will not have to go through that, because I am not sterile, and neither are you. And, if I have my way, we will be legally married as well!”

Ignoring the last part of his comment, Tina turned to him and looked him right in the eye. “Then why do you think that Bette shouldn’t have the same rights with Angelica, as you have awarded yourself in my scenario?”

Henry just sat there not saying a word. He knew she had tricked him into agreeing with a situation just to turn it around on him, but he didn’t want to say anything that might make her angry. So, he just sat there staring down at the sheet.

Tina watched his facial expression and felt her stomach drop. She got it now. She finally saw what others had been hinting to her for months now…Henry did judge her for her past relationship with Bette. Even if he said he didn’t, just by his silence she now knows differently.

“You don’t think she has the same rights as you because she is a woman, don’t you?”

“Tina, that’s not…”

“Don’t you?”

Henry drop his head and let out a deep sigh. “No. No I don’t. I’m sorry Tina, I really am. But, deep down inside I truly believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman. Deep down, I don’t understand your past with Bette.”

It was Tina’s turn to be silent. She nodded her head, finally understanding the man beside her. Gradually she pushed back the sheets and got out of bed. Walking over to the closet, she pulled out some clothes and started to get dressed.

Worried, Henry started to get up as well. “Tina, what are you doing?”

Looking back at Henry, she felt both sadness and relief with her decision. “I’m sorry Henry. I love you, but I will not live my life with someone who can only love me conditionally. And, by not understanding, and negating my past relationship with Bette, you are saying that you don’t love all of me.”

“No Tina, that’s not true! I do love you.”

“Henry, what do you think about me when you think of me with Bette? What do you think about me when you think of me making love with Bette? Do you think about the love I shared with her, or do you only think about the sexual act itself?”

Henry couldn’t help the wince that involuntarily showed on his face.

“That’s what I thought.”

Putting on her shoes, Tina walked out of the bedroom she had been sharing with Henry for the past six months, and made her way to the nursery to get her daughter.

“Tina wait, please! You can’t leave over this. Bette is in your past. I am your future, or at least I want to be your future.”

Tina stopped and gave Henry a sad look, trying not to let the tears flow yet. “I am who I am because of my past Henry. To love me, you have to love all of who I am. That means loving the lesbian in me just as you love the heterosexual in me…because we are both the same person. But, I don’t think you will ever be able to do that. I’m sorry, I won’t settle for anything less.”

Tina picked up Angelica, and without another word, left Henry’s house. After buckling Angelica up in her car seat, she dialed the number that was still, after all this time, number one on her speed dial. She nervously waited for the line to connect, knowing that it was too late to call, but also knowing she had to. After all, this was one of the most important phone calls of her life.

“Hello Bette?”

“Tina?” Bette answered the phone sounding groggy, but waking up fast as soon as she heard the sound of the voice she would never forget. “Tina? What’s wrong?”

Tina could hear the worry in Bette’s voice and quickly wanted to reassure her.

“Nothing’s wrong. I…I just wanted to tell you that tomorrow I will agree to you having joint custody.”

“You will?” Bette breathed out the question with so much hope, it brought tears to Tina’s eyes.

“Yes Bette, I will. And, Bette?”

“Yes?” Bette choked out through her tears at the thought of bringing her daughter home.

“I hope someday you will be able to forgive me for all I have put you through. I am so sorry bab…Bette.”

Sitting up in her bed, Bette sensed something else in Tina’s voice. This call wasn’t just about Angelica.

“Tina, where are you?”

Tina looked around, not sure of where she was. “Driving.”

“Driving where T?” Bette asked gently.

“Ummm…maybe over to Alice’s.” Yeah, she could drive to Alice’s. They could spend the night there, and then figure out what to do next.

“Bette?”

“Yeah?”

“Does it disgust you that I am sleeping with a man?”

“What?!” Bette was totally taken by surprise with that question.

“When you think about me being with Henry, what do you think of me?”

Bette was silent for a moment, then spoke softly, her voice laced with pain.

“Whether it is Henry or Helena…when I think of you with someone else…I feel pain. But, I have always wanted your happiness Tina. So, if being with Henry makes you happy, then that’s what I want for you. But, I would be lying if I said it didn’t hurt.”

“So, you don’t judge me for leaving you for a man?”

Bette blew out a breath, wondering where on earth this conversation was coming from. “At first, yes I was angry. But, I think that had more to do with you wanting something from him that I couldn’t give you. And, I don’t mean sexually. I mean he can give you unconditional acceptance in society. I can’t. But, no Tina. Who am I to judge people for their sexual orientation? We love who we love.”

Tina smiled into the phone, as she aimed her car in what she knew in her heart for the first time in a long time, to be the right direction.

“T?”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t know what is going on in your life. I don’t’ know why you are out driving at three o’clock in the morning. And, I don’t know why you have had this change of heart…but, come home T. Whatever is going on, I will help you through it… I will be here for you. We’ll figure it out okay? Just come home.”

“Really?” Tina asked as relief poured through her body. She would like nothing more than to go back to the house that had been her home for so many years, and have the woman who had been her best friend hold her in her comforting arms. But, she didn’t know how Bette could do that for her after all the pain she had put her through. “You would let me stay there?”

“I am here T. It’s okay…come home.”

The End



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