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Tina, Tiny Pieces Chapter 17 Pt 2
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Sunday morning, at Alice’s
That’s not all of it. How I feel. You – you scare me, Tina.
I laugh.
I scare you? When the hell did I get to be scary?
She shrugs.
I don’t know. That’s the thing. Maybe you’ve always been? Maybe I didn’t see it before.
Alice, look, what I did last night – it was stupid. I wasn’t thinking – I didn’t mean to –
She drops her hands onto her lap with a loud slap.
Goddamn! Do you have any fucking idea how often you say that? “I didn’t mean to?” Do you ever mean to do a goddamn thing you do, Tina?
I am taken aback.
Alice, all I meant was –
No, I’m serious. You couldn’t help falling in love with Bette –
That was hardly my fault.
She throws her hands up again.
Jesus! Like it’s anybody’s “fault!” Why does it have to be something that someone else did? Like you had no fucking say in the matter!
I meant that I never expected to fall in love with Bette.
Bullshit. You meant exactly what you said. It was Bette’s fault. You couldn’t help it. You never wanted it to happen.
So we’re going to play semantics, Alice?
No Tina, we’re not. But goddamnit, you’re gonna listen to me. Not listen like you have to do what I tell you to do – listen like I have something to say.
I want to protest, but I don’t.
When did you stop making decisions? When did you let everything be someone else’s responsibility? Were you always like that?
I am getting angry, feeling defensive.
I make my own decisions, Alice.
Oh yeah? Well let’s suppose, just for a second, that you really were serious about talking to Bette about Angelica last night. You are really serious about giving her joint custody again – or whatever.
I am serious about it.
Ok, and let’s suppose you weren’t looking for an ultrasound moment last night –
What??
She looks at me, unselfconsciously, without affect.
You know, like ” ultrasound – the sequel?”
I am baffled, embarrassed, light headed.
Kit told you about that?
No, that one Bette told me about.
What the hell do you mean – I was looking for an ultrasound moment?
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Gotta get this tidbit out of the way before I actually comment: Tina DID tell Bette she loved her. Granted you can count the times on one hand but she did say it. Anyway on with the story. Like I told Leisha Hailey when I was in LA, Alice is the best friend anyone could ever have, and that’s why it’s easy to understand her need to remove herself from this situation. She’s tried to keep close ties with Tina but all this shit is wearing her down now as well. Hell maybe Alice should have my therapist’s number too after going through all that. Really didn’t see the attempt at sex coming. This must have happened before Bette told her to leave because concrete means they were outside and they were inside when Bette called her that one word which I won’t use right now as some find it offensive (even though I find it pretty damn funny). On the holes…Bette isn’t using her hands, is she? Unless those walls are paper thin she’d have no hands by now due to major trauma. Like my apartment was built in 1947 and there ain’t no way I’m punching a hole in the wall due to the material used back then. =O This wasn’t the tear-jerker I thought it would be but I’m glad I waited till I got home to read because it was tough. Hearing the cold hard truth usually IS tough. I love Tina to death and really don’t think she was always this rough. Like Alice, I just don’t like her very much right now. Maybe now Tina can clear her mind and come up with a mental checklist of things she can do to (forgive me for sounding really hokey) reach a higher plane, plain, wtf ever. Just something to get past this warzone.
“I silently thank her, I silently tell her I love her…” thank u LK
Lastkid, these last two chapters were unbelieveably sad and insightful. You made Alice speak the truth to Tina. Tina is one sick little puppy and she needs to take responsibility for all that she has done to the people in her life. I had to read this twice because it was so hard to read at first. It was actually painful. Tina needs first to divorce Henry and get him out of her life, no, back up, she first needs to take the baby to Bette and ask her to keep her until she gets herself straight. Tina’s mother does not deserve to keep the baby, just Bette, then Tina needs to divorce henry and get herself into some kind of sanitarium to try and get her mind clear and then try to make Bette understand that she really does love her and try to start again with Bette. I know you are not a TiBette fan but I am and I hope that Tina gets help. Great story.
Powerful emotions, amazing writing, Kid…I love your work. The glaringly obvious first step Tina should take now is to seek some much needed therapy. If not to remedy the building issues between her and Henry then to at least be able to stave off f**king up Angelica’s life because she’s incapable of taking ownership for any of her actions or inactions. What kind of role model/mother could Tina ever hope to be for Angelica? Love is great, but sometimes not enough. Often times children can easily witness how messed up their parents truly are. And Tina is one f’d-up woman. Go to therapy, Tina. Work out this whole issue of Bette’s infidelity once and for all. And for god’s sake, quit punishing her.
Ok, I was wrong. There’s something more irritating — an unhonest and irresponsible Tina. Why did she do all of these? Is it out of love to herself or to Bette? Tell me it’s the latter. I prefer a fairy tale here.
OK…firstly may i say im seriously square eyed from playing catchup with the last few chapters…mental note to myself…tune in more often….BUT!!! more importantly..im seriously blown away with all ive just read….lord you have the talent to keep me on the edge of the seat with all thats going on…..so very sad and riviting at the same time….Thankyou for this…and i promise myself to not let so many chapters build up….cause i dont think my poor heart can take it all in one go…lol…but what an amazing read..
Man, I just reread this chapter, which was equally painful in the second pass. If Tina can’t get her shit together (or start to) after Alice’s heart-to-heart then she’s beyond lost and should probably get lost (maybe across the country or something) for everyone’s sake, especially hers. Tina really needs to start living life for herself. Of course, she’d have Agelica with her (unfortunately), but maybe in time and with the right amount of distance away from this former life, she will have rediscovered her true self once more–the one who existed before the infidelity. Sigh.
Wow! I can’t find ant other words, that was amazing(seems so small a discription). Thanks for taking the time.
Like lamentamini I have wondered if Bette is using her hands to make the holes, especially with the level of rage and pain she felt after Tina’s little visit. She would break every bone in her hands! Tina is able to inflict ever higher and exquisite levels of torture on Bette and it needs to stop. The one I am afraid will try to hurt herself is Bette…Tina would never do it, cos she feels no responsibility for anything. Please, this is so painful, please let Bette have the baby, and tina go to a mental hospital…SOON…
I struggle to come up with new words to describe your talent that go beyond stupendous, boundless and awe-inspiring but they all seem to fall short in accurately elucidating your august genius. Brilliant once again……..Even in the face of Alice’s concrete evidence Tina continues to deny her culpability. The audacity of Tina’s attempt at parity between her ‘ultrasound moment’ and the ‘mistakes’ of the others is laughable, but not surprising. What she fails to see is that Shane overt and honest about her ‘fucking around’ and what she wants from it, Jenny’s ‘mistakes’, although not all together altruistic, at least had the motivation of self-enlightenment. Dana and Alice’s affair didn’t come out of nowhere, they had a history and it was out of a deep and abiding love they had for each other (no, infidelity doesn’t make it right, just making a point here). But Tina – her mistakes were calculated with the sole intent was to inflict pain and exact revenge………Alice finally sees just how transparent Tina really is and tries to hold her feet to the fire. It’s a valiant effort to get Tina to hear, if not accept, that she is continuing to make Bette pay for her affair with Candace……..I LOVED the Chasing Amy reference – nicely done!……..When Alice questions her about who’s driving the boat or how she dangles Angelica like a carrot in front of Bette or when she points out the numerous times Tina took (or attempted to take) male paramours while still living with Bette – Tina dips, dodges, bobs and weaves as she shadow boxes the truth launching vitriolic salvos whenever she feels the sting of veracity……..Tina’s belief that SHE was the only casuality when Bette cheated, that the power that SHE had in the relationship should never be challenged and the unspoken belief that she has the RIGHT to continue to make Bette pay while she figures out her life seems to indicate that Tina suffers a bit from a Princess complex and desperately wants back on her pedestal………It’s going to be difficult going forward for her. The harsh reality is that Tina’s actions have had consequences, and one of those is that Bette is not going to trust her – and why should she? It’s going to be a tough road to adoption and Tina is always skittish when faced with truths and challenges and she is going to get those in spades if she follows through and allows Bette to adopt Angelica. Tina should KNOW that Bette is going to be wary, distrusting and bitter…but Tina lives in Tina’s reality and the fact of the matter is until she takes off her rose colored glasses, she is always going to think that the universe revolves around her……..If her thoughts about “but I’ll be alone” are any indication, she is still thinking that it’s all about her……….Fantastic Kid, just…WOW!
jeez ruffness!!
1st………brb
excellent as always but I don’t think that my desire to roast Tina is irrational…she hurts people, she is destroying people. By the same token, she is not rational or stable and for that reason should not have the care of the baby!!! I still say that she can go on forever with this stuff..and its too hard!!! She needs psychiatric care and I hope you end it with her getting it, and the baby with Bette. PLEASE!!!!!
Don’t even have the words to describe how great these chapters were. Where do you come up with this and how do you make it sound so achingly real? I’m a Tina fan, and you have this amazing ability to describe the awful truth and not make it Tina bashing. Waiting with baited breath for your next post.
wow. I love Alice. Tina is more f*cked up in your story then mine, good job! I can’t wait to see how Bette is doing. oh and by the way..I figure Tina hadn’t told Alice everything, and I figured it had to do with trying to have sex with Bette! Great job!
Also, I appreciate you individually commenting to your fans. It takes time and effort and it’s very kind of you.
Kid, as always, you are incredible. I could see / feel every single word being played out before me. This conversation has been a long time coming, and I am elated that it has finally come to pass. Tina has been hurting Bette at every turn. There was a time that I couldn’t imagine one person doing this to another. You don’t get the full meaning of what it feels like to be on the receiving end unless it is something you’ve gone through. Alice on the other hand provided the eyes to Tina’s soul. Thank you for your talent in taking us there………..On another note, to know that your partner, someone you’d give your last breath for, has cheated on you can leave one with such an empty feeling. Pain, despair, rejection are just a few of the emotions a person is left to grapple with and its not easy. Every day is spent doubting and thinking of it hurts like hell. In some way, I understand the emotions running through Tina. What I don’t quite understand is why Tina refuses to forgive and would rather continue to inflict pain.
Simply amazing. You’ve left me breathless. I literally held my breath while reading. Pain and true sorrow… marrow-aching sorrow. I am in awe of your writing. Your ability to express such range of emotion. When did Tina become so hateful and mean-spirited? What does she want from Bette?
Wow… I’m really with Alice and completely understand her need to remove herself. Tina needs to be able to examine what’s going on without trying to pawn it off on other people.
my comment from part 1 still stands…i understand why alice doesn’t want to see tina for awhile, i got headache just reading all this…why can’t tina just say what she wants without beating around the bush…btw, could you repost your first story sometime later? i want to read about some happy B&T times from you…only if you want, of course
Whoa…this is so hard. Reading it makes me anxious. Im way passed not liking Tina, I just feel truly sorry for her she’s in some deeeep S*it, I can’t wait until she starts swimming out of it, because it’s a looong way and no body is going to stick around until she stops smelling. You’re great, thankz.
See, the thing about the choices they make for the show, they are all for naught. Nothing ever really comes of all the angst they conjure up. Dana gets cancer and dies – to what end? Marina gets suicidal and is taken away – to what end? Tina becomes straight and abandons Bette – to what end? Ivan is mortified about being revealed and runs from Kit – to what end? Alice and Dana pair up (a match made in heaven) then Alice becomes clingy and destroys the coupling – to what end? Why do they do the things they do??? It never makes any sense, and in the end, it never amounts to much and becomes just another arbitrary choice imposed upon the character… Okay, rant over. This about you, LastKid. Whatever wretched thing you have Tina doing (and there are many things) it is character-driven. Sad, angsty and depressing, we see the gradual revelation of an uneven and very unhappy woman who cannot take responsibility for her actions. Yes, she was destroyed by Bette’s infidelity, and yes, the damage is spreading as she cannot seem to pull back from the brink. I hope Tina can find some answers and some compassion for all the people in her life (Bette, Alice, Angelica and yes, Henry too) whom she is hurting with her bewildering behavior. I don’t think she has a clue what she is doing. Wonderful writing!!!! Thanks!
Yes, Tina never, never, never told Bette that she loved her. Never. And I never considered the impossibility of Bette adopting Angelica after Tina was married. You’re right – what social sevices department would go for that? You astound me with the accuracy of your dialogue and plotting. It would all be like this – if it could possibly be imagined by TPTB. This is ever-so-much more interesting that the tripe we have been presented on a plate and charged a monthly fee for. Oh god, come down from heaven and make LastKid the new producer of TLW! But have some suicide prevention folks on standby before you do!!!!
This was just so raw, so intense. If we had this sort of writing on the show the ratings would go through the roof, the networks would sit up and beg and the awards would flood in. Tina has got to be at rock bottom at this moment and it’s hard to see her pulling her life back together again – but if anyone can redeem her and find a way, I’m sure your imagination and writing can – and I do so hope you want to.
I am going to use a bad word here. You are fucking amazing. I can actually feel all this pain. OK..done crying for now. thank you for your words.
WOW LK! I suspected the only reason tina came over there was for a booty call.She must be a crackhead to really think that Bette would sleep with her after all this. Tina has really f up her last lifeline. I can understand Alice not wanting to be part of this sad saga, it’s tiring. ALice has been reasonable with tina about her choices and tina continues to play the victim, never taking her own repsonisbility. I think Alice has gone above and beyond the duty of being Tina’s friend. I am glad she cut the cord, it was exhausting. Hopefully Tina will wake up and be a woman about things. Affairs are hard on everyone and bring about a range of emotion that can last for a very long time. However the affair was the icing on the cake, they were having problems before that affair. Does tina even recoginize that? Given how she is, no and she would no doubt probably lay the fault with Bette. Granted it is a helleva a lot easier to blame someone else for all the wrong doing that you have ever done. It’s like a relief, a justifiable excuse for you to continue doing dirty deeds. All I want from this story is for Tina to seek help and work out this baby issue with Bette. Tina needs to start first by getting rid of Henry.
Un-fucking-believable. Can’t wait for more.
Alice is so damn right, if they had fucked all night (I don’t think Bette would’ve done that, but whatever), the next day Tina would’ve been like ‘Oh, I let you seduce me, I never meant for this to happen, blablabla.’ Gosh, she makes me bite into a towel sooo hard. I wanna grab her by the scruff of her neck and shake her and scream a big “Fuck you” at her. Will she ever open her eyes and see? What’s with all the ‘autonomy’-talk, does it really mean for her to be exempted from any guilt, because “Bette cheated”, does it mean she doesn’t have any responsability? God. I want to punch holes in the walls too. Thank you for the emotional rollercoaster-ride ;) See you.
Wow, kid , that was some heavy duty shit. OK, yes, I am a little sorry for Tina. Maybe more than a little. I have to say I’ve found your Alice to be most admirable. She has been a staunch friend when others could no longer abid Tina, and her stepping back now seems to be based on self-preservation. Alice had the guts and strength to speak the truth to Tina before she cut her off. Most would not bother. That Tina went back to voice her love for Alice before taking her leave and that she did not make excuse or argue the verdict at the very end seemed the most postive thing Tina’s done. I may only be taking this attitude because you’ve already assured me she won’t suicide.
So heavy and emotioal. Alice was fantstic in these two chapters. What an outstanding friend to both B & T! It’s about time someone really called Tina out on all this. I’m looking forward to seeing how this all plays out. Thanks for writing!
WOW!!!! That was just GREAT. Alice let Tina know what she was feeling, But Tina being herself wanted to blame everyone else. Thankyou lastkid you write with so much feeling.
Ok, I’m back to say that this chapter has stayed on my mind since I read it yesterday; a testament to the power of your writing. My opinion: Tina needs to get rid of Henry. She made a whopper of a mistake marrying him and now it’s just cruel to continue it. Then she needs to get a good shrink and a good lawyer and work out the details of custody with Bette. I’d like to see this story end with Tina getting a clue of who she is and putting Angelica’s welfare first. Thanks!
Painful but fantastic chapters! I agree with Vam’s comments. I also agree with Dainty as far as Tina needing to divorce Henry and not alowing her mother to take care of Angelica. Tina now seems to be truly alone..how sad. I wish her well. Soeur ladichi :)
Wow!That was two brilliant chapters, hells bells I’m stumped for words, thanks Lastkid.
Two splendid chapters. Alice is fierce and puts into words what so many of us what to ask Ilene &Co. Tina is so alone now I picture her up on some high cliff with cold winds blowing around her. It is all her own doing, of course, but I have a modicum of sympathy. And poor Bette, she’s ravaged. Your writing is sharp and perceptive and totally engrossing.
Wow. Absolutely incredible writing. Please post again soon.
Smiley, you had it right: booty call… (noun)a phonecall,page,or conversation aimed at getting into your pants.Not an invite to a movie or dinner, not just coffee, not a casual or formal get-together, just a plain old-fashioned “let’s fuck”…(Urban Dictionary)…Would that it was only that, and an amicable child custody agreement.
It’s not even 8.00am and i’m sitting here with a lump in my troat and crying like a baby. Girl this is not normal anymore, i know for sure that this time it is not me, it’s your way of writing. Girl you’re killing me here.
Through both parts I just wanted to knock the shit out of TINA- in a non-violent way and just shake her into consciousness. Finally, Alice said what needed to be said but will Tina listen? She sounds like a broken record (or a CD that skipped)… I didn’t mean it. Maybe she will will get her shit together and stop messing around with evreyone’s head while she tries to figure out who she can blame for her next ‘mistake.’ This time apart from the one person she thought would always be there for her should be an eye opener. My rant…. Maybe if the rest of the munchkins following the yellow brick road leading the L-Word to the wicked witch, f/k/a IC, would explore some of these very tangible storylines for Tina’s behavior, the show would be seem a bit more believable, and not like an episode of Dynasty.The way this story has flowed is AWESOME. The writing is non less than brilliant and everything is so visual. I am looking forward to the next installment and looking forward to Tina growing a back bone and growing up.