“Carmencita. Get your things, it’s time you came back home” the older woman stated matter-of-factly.

“Mami? What … what are you doing here?” Carmen said, looking as lost as a puppy.

From where Shane stood, the younger Latina looked as if she was seeing a ghost. She could also tell that she didn’t look like she was up for much of a fight. So she went to stand next to her, hoping they would appear to put up a strong front in front of her mother.

“What am I doing here? I should be asking you that question. I understand you being here for Chane during the accident. But we’ve hardly seen you around the house, your house for weeks. It’s time that you left Shane to recover on her own, you’ve done quite enough” Ms. Morales explained.

“Ms. Morales, your daughter has…” Shane started.

“I don’t think we have much to say to each other. In fact, I think the last time I saw you – oh that’s right – I didn’t see you because you left my daughter standing there looking like a fool! And to think, I accepted you, I even began to be okay with the idea that my daughter is …” she stopped, not able to say the word.

“Is what mami? Gay? You can’t even say it can you? I don’t expect you to understand right now, but don’t forget, you agreed to be there at my wedding. So a part of you had already accepted the facts!” Carmen had somehow found the voice that she thought she had lost a few minutes ago.

“How dare you talk to me like that?” Mercedes spat out and then, turning to Shane – ” I told Carmen when you didn’t show up that I would make you pay for hurting her. And I am telling you right now I want her to come home with me and to have nothing to do with you ever!”.

Shane hung her head. After the progress the two of them had been making, it never occurred to her that Carmen’s family would object. But it only made sense, and to Shane, she couldn’t really blame them. On the other hand, because she and Carmen had decided to work on building their relationship, she also knew that she wasn’t about to let Mercedes come in and take her away that easily.

“Mami, if you would just listen to me for a little bit, I will explain to you what has happened. There are things that you just don’t understand right now that…” Carmen began.

“I don’t need to understand. Why are you here Carmen? Shane looks to be able to take care of herself now” Ms. Morales said glancing at Shane.

With this, Shane saw a venom in the woman’s eye much like the night Carmen confessed to being gay. She wanted her to see that she was not the same person that stood her daughter up. Just like she wanted to prove it to Carmen, she also wanted her family back. My family? Did I really just think that?

“Ms.Morales, you have every right to be angry with me. But please, don’t take it out on Carmen. Your daughter has stood by me since the accident, and for that, I will forever be grateful. You have a wonderful daughter and I know that you may not believe me right now, but I love her more than my own life.” Shane said.

“You love her?” Mercedes now laughed sarcastically. “You don’t know the meaning of it. I love my daughter and I don’t ever want to see her go through the pain that you have caused her.” Turning her attention back to Carmen, she continued. “Your sister is waiting for us in the car. Go get your things, I’ll be waiting outside.”

“Ms. Morales, please….” Shane started but was interrupted with Carmen, saying “Shane… please. Will you excuse us for a few minutes?”

“But Carmen, I don’t…” Shane began. With pleading in her voice, Carmen said “Shane, it’s okay. A few minutes?”

With a sigh of defeat, Shane relented. Before leaving, she planted a kiss to Carmen’s cheek to the dismay of Ms. Morales. “I love your daughter. In time, I hope you can forgive me too” and with that, Shane went into the bedroom and closed the door.

“Forgive her too? What is she talking about?” Mercedes started in as soon as they were left alone.

Carmen turned towards the kitchen, and sat at the dining room table, prompting her mother to follow.

“Ma, how did you even know where I was?” Carmen said, stalling while trying to think of more to say.

“Does it really matter?” Upon seeing the look on Carmen’s face, Mercedes decided to come clean. “I still had your friend Helena’s number. She was so sweet to us that weekend in Canada. And if you must know, I told her that the family had a dinner coming up that we wanted you to attend.” The look of shock on Carmen’s face at her mother’s outright lie didn’t go unnoticed by Mercedes.

“She wasn’t gonna tell me Carmen if I told her why I wanted to know where you were. But I am your mother, and like it or not, I’ll do whatever I have to in order to protect you.”

By now, Carmen all of a sudden felt extremely tired. First Gabriel popping up unannounced at the hospital. Next, Cherie calling like it was the most natural thing for her to do. And now this. Before she knew it, her temper was flaring out of control.

“Okay, just stop it Ma. Stop it! Protect me? From what? Do you remember that night that I told you about me and Shane. What did you say to me – that you would rather me be a whore than a lesbian ? For most of my life, I’ve had to hide who I was because of the reaction I knew you’d give. So who did I need protecting from? And I thought that you were starting to accept me because you came to my wedding. And even though it didn’t happen, I was so glad that you finally accepted me. But as it turns out, I guess you really hadn’t. But what you have to realize is that Shane is who I want in my life. I’m not saying that it will be easy, but I need you to understand what it’s been like these last few weeks. Do you remember when Papi died? I bet for you it was like you stopped breathing. That a part of you died with him. Well, even though Shane didn’t die, I almost stopped breathing Ma. And when I thought I had lost her, my world stopped revolving. And for me, it was like a second chance. I don’t want to go on holding grudges against her, and you shouldn’t either. What’s done is done, and we can’t go back. But I’m looking to the future now, and whether or not you like it, Shane is apart of it. I need you to learn to accept this, to accept me and Shane. You two are the most important women in my life. Please mamacita?” Carmen was in tears now, pleading with her mother to forgive Shane. She leaned forward and laid her head in Mercedes lap, and was relieved when the older woman began stroking her hair.

Inside the bedroom, Shane was a nervous wreck. She considered eavesdropping but decided against it when she realized that Carmen would tell her all that she needed to know. Her stomach was doing flip flops and her palms were sweaty with nervous excitement. Why is it so quiet in there? Shane decided to go into the closet and pick out something to wear for her therapy session the next day. It’s not that it required a lot of thought, but she needed something to distract her attention at the moment. Would Carmen stand up to her mother? Would her mother welcome Shane back with open arms? The way her mother was seething, Shane doubted the latter and figured it would take more than one visit for that to happen. But, like Carmen, Shane felt that, in time, Mercedes would come around and realize that Shane was the same person that she embraced so willingly those months ago. In fact, Shane was an even better person now. And since they wouldn’t have to hide their relationship, she could be that much more comfortable being around Carmen’s family without hiding who she was.

“Get up.” Suddenly, the stroking of her hair stopped as Ms. Morales lightly tugged on Carmen to get up from her lap. “What?” Carmen, raising up to look her mother in the eye. “I said, get up, I’m leaving.” And with that, Mercedes got up from her chair at the dining room table and headed towards the door.
“Ma, why are you rushing off so fast? I wasn’t through talking… and you didn’t answer my question – do you accept me and Shane as a couple, trying to work it out?” Carmen held her breath as she awaited the answer.

Ms.Morales stopped and came to face Carmen. “If you choose to stay in this house with that, that woman who could do you like she did, then I want no parts of it. I can only forgive so much, and I thought I taught you to have more respect for yourself than this.”

“What are you saying Mami?” “I’m saying…” Mercedes paused to contemplate her words carefully before speaking again. “I’m saying, it’s either Shane or your family. We gave her a chance before and she blew it. She broke your heart and mine right along with it. So… are you staying here, or coming with me?” Carmen couldn’t believe what she was hearing. And now she was being faced with an impossible choice. It was a no win situation for everybody involved. If she stayed, she feared her family would treat her like they apparently were going to treat Shane – as if she didn’t exist. But if she left, all that she and Shane had went through and worked so hard to get would be thrown away.

In the bedroom, Shane was pacing back and forth, long ago having found something to wear tomorrow. It was turning into evening, and Shane was still looking forward to a quiet night in front of the television with some good movies, and Carmen wrapped in her arms.

Then, she heard the door close. Oh no… did she leave with her mother?! Panic overtook Shane, and she bolted for the bedroom door, opening it only to find Carmen there, eyes puffy, and looking as if she were about to faint.

“Shane?! What have I done?” and with that, Carmen fell against Shane’s waiting arms, sobbing hysterically. “What have I done?” she asked again. Shane stayed quiet, not knowing what happened but instead wrapping her arms even tighter around the woman, hoping to will the pain away.


TBC