Chapter 9

Friends. They were friends. Carmen shook her head. She didn’t know why she got herself into this mess, when she hoped for so much more. It was the sincerity in Shane’s voice, the pleading eyes that had undone her. She wanted to be near Shane, to be the first one to hold her when she had a bad day even when she wasn’t sure whether she could stand the excruciating pain of having Shane near and yet untouchable. Carmen looked across the fully-seated Planet and stood there with her plate of pie until a blonde beckoned to her. Carmen made her way to the seat.

“Do I know you?” Carmen sat down. “Valeska and Shane, me the one who dragged Shane away..I’m Alice,” “Oh…..you’re Shane’s friend..I’m Carmen,” “You know, if I didn’t know Shane, I would have thought she was jealous that day when she saw you with Valeska,” “What?” Carmen nearly choked on her chicken pie. She had entertained that fantasy herself, but she had convinced herself it was simply easier on her to think of it as concern on Shane’s part. Somehow she felt that Shane always had the overwhelming need to look out for people. It was something innate in her and she didn’t seem to be conscious at all of doing it. “Shane is not the jealous type and that day she was all tight-lipped. I thought Valeska and Shane were going to go at each other’s necks,” “I’m just Shane’s friend..” she heard herself say and she wondered how much of that was true. Alice lifted her brows in incredulity.

“So you’re just Shane’s friend, I was actually thinking of adding you to the chart,” “What chart?” “Oh…I had this chart which basically is this spider chart linking one person to another, so I can keep track of who slept with whom. Well it’s a small world here and Shane is the centre of the universe on my chart. Literally. Everything goes back to her,” Carmen couldn’t control her laughter. “I’m not exaggerating. Wait till you see my living room wall,” Alice said with all seriousness and Carmen swallowed her laughter.

“Alice…..”

“Yeah?”

“ Is it wrong for me to want much more than being friends with Shane?” Carmen looked down at her coffee. She needed to ask someone and something about Alice made her want to confide in her.

“Hell no….I used to be like you too…when my girlfriend Dana was with her ex. We have been friends for ages, until I started to realise all along, she was the one for me. Sure, I felt apprehensive at first….whether this could ruin our friendship, but I think if I didn’t pursue and follow that feeling, I would come to regret it more,” Alice stirred her coffee and a little smile had curved her lips. Carmen looked at Alice with envy. When she talked about Dana, she truly looked in love. This was where she wanted to be, where she dreamt of being back then when she was young. Except that ten years later, she was nowhere closer to her wish. She was still fumbling and groping in the darkness and she wondered just how many people were like her and how many lucky ones like Alice there were.

“Thanks Alice, for telling me that….I didn’t want to feel like I was greedy. I mean Shane offers to be friends with me and I should be glad. Instead I find my heart asking for more,”

Alice smiled understandingly “It’s only normal Carmen. Some things are meant to be…just let things between Shane and you work themselves out,” 

Carmen took a deep breath. She really felt better. Alice’s words made sense and she felt a weight being lifted off her shoulders. She leaned over and hugged Alice, who seemed to be a little surprised by the gesture.

“I have to go, it’s nice knowing you,” “Oh okay, I will probably get to see you around since you’re Shane’s friend now,”

Carmen walked out of the Planet and she felt glad for Alice and Dana.

Are they meant to be friends? Or are they meant to be more than that?

Alice had already found her answer. Her own answer was still in the wilderness, waiting for her to uncover it.